Its the age old scruple-
Your train's on the Waterloo horizon, time to spare, but not enough time to sample the pleasures of the local tradesmen at street level. Damnation! Snookered! not necessarily... The concourse hides an offering of hidden opportunities leading to immediate executive relief. Attempt at least one of the following tasks:

1. Decypher Announcements:
   
   You may be stunned by the odd blast of aural atrocity sounding rather like that of a man trying to speak whilst gagged, peg on nose, gargling with water, with a mouth full of gobstoppers. Well dont be alarmed. Its just your friendly neighbourhood station announcer, battling to contact the multitudes through century-old gramophone speakers. He might be saying your train is cancelled, or he might be just choking on his British Rail sandwich. Who can tell?

2. Drink at Coopers:
   
   Male visitors to this Pub opposite Platform Three may experience a spot of deja vous whilst decending the steps and taking their seats. Only because, for most of Waterloo's history, this sunken netherworld was the Gentlemans Toilets. However, it's the perfect transformation, with great ambience, and not a hint of its former role. Rumours of dissatisfaction, witlessly blamed on a case of bad plumbing, should be ignored completely.

3. Feed the Pigeons:
   
   These cute little disease ridden flying rats see Waterloo as a major grub source, what with all the crumbs and heaps of unfinished fast-food. So why not take the initiative, buy a bountiful birdseed baguette from one of the concourse joints and supplement the foraging feathered fiends with a treat they'll never forget. Beware the ungrateful pigeon, who may receive offerings, only to dive bomb you later with a dambusting dung dropping.

4. Go Begging:
   
   Dont just stand there! You could be earning £££££££'s by camping out by the cashpoint machines and groaning "Spare some change please!". Looking Down & Out helps. Dont forget props such as rotten sleeping bag or the perannual 'Dog on a rope'. Little sign saying 'Extortionately priced Travelcard to support'. If times are really hard, take an out of tune Accordion down to the Subway platforms. Get paid a fortune to shut up! Always a winner...

5. Buy a Timetable:
   
   For a major investment of around a tenner, you can possess the latest edition of the full UK Rail Timetable! An absolute minefield of information. A thousand page thick encyclopedia of train times, often accompanied by the 500 page Amendments booklet. Hours of fun amending the timetable with a broken biro. And such fascinating reading too. The plot, story and ending are better than most paperbacks. Furthermore, the facts and times presented here are just like any novel... Pure Fiction.

6. Take a Shower:
   
   Theres nothing like a freezing cold shower in middle of winter to get you in the mood for some serious Train travel, and public facilities are provided next to the Khazi, so that for a few measly quid you could be singing away under the nozzle. Such Karaoke Klassics, however, like 'I write the songs', 'Feelings' and 'Love me Tender', are banned under the Poor Taste Rail Act (1962) and is subject to a red card from the British Rail Lavatory Police (Special Shower Squad)

7. Musical Chairs:
   
   Once upon a year, the Station's top brass of starched suits had the wizard prang of removing the concourse seating, detering the occassional sleeping tenant. Pity the poor commuter standing on one leg thanks to this draconian debacle. Shameful for Londons principal waiting area. Recent years saw 'seating' appear as torturous spinning bum flaps... nasty. These have given way to efforts of relative comfort. The supply/demand inequity, however, means you'll still have to stand. Just wait till the music stops...

8. Phone a Friend:
   
   Its a plain a simple fact that the portable cellphone contraption is the ultimate saviour for one stuck loitering with intent to travel, and a jolly polite conversation with an associate is just the ticket to survive the mindnumbing malaise. Judging by the popularity of this passenger pastime, we are a nation of telephonic twittering waffling gasbags. For fun, call National Rail Enquiries for local info: "Waterloo? Wheres that?".

9. Do the Streak:
   
   Truly liberating stressbusting is achieved by getting in touch with nature and letting it all hang out. If everybody during rush hour shed their office attire and jogged a mass streak around the concourse, we could easily laugh off a few of those dreadful cancellations.

10. Insult an Inspector:
    
    You might have innocently suffered a venomous attack from these 'Revenue Protection' bouncers, whose traffic warden mentality mean we are criminalised as crooks. This far offshoot of that famous forties european troupe 'The Gestapo' stop at nothing to complete their quotas. If you see a gaggle of this jobsworthy element interrogating a pensioner, show dissaproval by blowing loud raspberries at them. You may, however, incur a £10 penalty fare.