Will this be the season that the Cardinals return to glory?

ST. LOUIS (July 8th) -- Whitey Herzog was seen awkwardly attempting backflips to celebrate the arrival of his new rightfielder, the celebrated Ty Cobb.

"He's my kind of player, runs hard on everything, plays ball to the wall no matter what the score," the beaming St. Louis manager said. "And what's more, he knows how to get on base."

The last remark was an obvious cut at the recently departed centerfielder Fred Snodgrass, who was traded along with second bagger Carlos Baerga for Cobb. Though a fleet and surehanded fielder, Snodgrass hampered the Cardinals' scoring potential by failing to reach first as their primary leadoff hitter.

But many in the press corps wanted to know how Cobb and his notorious temper and distasteful racial views would effect the club chemistry.

To this query, Herzog responded, "I ain't worried. If he scores runs like I think he will, everyone will find him a lot more palatable. And besides, I've already told him that if he really gets out of line, I'll have Gibson throw his batting practice...and he won't get no helmet neither. I think Mr. Cobb understands."

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