Actual
dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer
Support employee: "Ridge
Hall computer assistant; may I
help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and
all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the
screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything
I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."
"....... Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outrage."
"A power... A power outrage? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and un-plug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
