ACTUAL SIGNS

In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll

wait."

On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a

leak."

In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you

are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."

On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except

the dog."

At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking

for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."

On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."

On a fence, "Salesmen welcome.  Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet --

miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary.  We'll hear

you coming."

In a dry cleaner's emporium, "Drop your pants here."

On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and

the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes.  Sit!

Stay!"

At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in

your bill.  However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"

On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take

what you've got."  (Burglars please copy.)

In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in

and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet.  We need to hear a pin

drop."

In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.

Socks can eat any place they want."

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And one that I’ve seen in Illinois following a snowfall—“Free snow with every purchase”