2000

First Kill - .666 hours (who cares)

*****WARNING - This review gives away the ending! Don't read the last paragraph, if you care.*****

Holy crap. I just wasted a night of my life. I get only 365 of these every year and I wasted one on this. I could've been listening to CD's, playing music, playing Madden 2001, sleeping, biting my fingernails... anything else! Well, this was the first official SSMS Field Trip, so I'll start at the beginning. After Blackie Woo and I kicked some ass in Madden, we went to Denny's, and man, they sucked about as bad as this movie. I think we had about 3 different waiters, all of which equaled about .48 of a Shoney's waitress. So, we left a dollar tip and proceeded to a sold out theater.

We had to split up and 3 of us ended up in the VERY FRONT row, where we could've put our feet up on the front wall. Well, apparantly, saving seats for people in the restroom is against the law, because Eminem (or someone that looked and cursed like him) was not very pleased that he could not have one of our highly-coveted choice seats. He very politely cursed me out and reminded me that he paid money for his ticket. Stupid ass should've stood in the free line like everyone else did. Oh wait... there was no free line... he's just a retard.

Anyway, speaking of retards, the Devil sucks! And so did this movie! I'm still pissed and it's been 4 days. Basically, Winona Ryder (I don't remember character names and I don't care) finds out that some dude is about to have his body taken over by Satan. Of course, this guy thinks Winona is a filthy liar and, of course, she is right, but man, we had to sit through a lot of crap to get there. The editing in this movie is horrible, as are the special effects, if that's what they are. The falling cross is cool and the pentogram adds a nice touch, but the ending is so disappointing! All it takes, after all the trauma, worrying, and crying, is a simple............... BULLET!! That's right. A BULLET. Satan takes over, the clock hits 6:66, and wait, let's just shoot him. Jason goes through 8 movies, Michael has been through 6 or so, and countless others have taught us how to strive and stay alive through adversity (i.e. fire, knives, falls from high buildings, multiple shooting, various limbs being cut off, etc...) BUT, if you ever run into Satan, Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness, the Fallen Angel, the DEVIL... just shoot him!

Once in the head...

Once in the chest...

And the credits will roll.

-- Julio Coolio

Blackie Woo -- I've learned my lesson that previews don't mean jack-crap. You would've thought this movie was the coolest thing by watching the previews, but it sucked. I also know now that next time I see Satan in a movie, I'm gonna be pissed if he survives a bullet to the head.

Kannibal -- Great concept. Not nearly as much evil as the Halloween series.