Memorable Quotes from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
Eddy: They're armed. Soap: Armed, armed with what? Eddie: Err, bad breath, colourful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
Rory Breaker: If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it.
Nick the Greek: I'll need a sample. Tom: Ahh, no can do I'm afraid. Nick the Greek: What's that? Some place near Katmandu? Meet me halfway mate.
[Nick pulls out a wad of cash.]
Eddy: Jesus Christ! You could choke a dozen donkeys on that, and you're haggling over one hundred pound? What do you do when you're not buying stereos, Nick, finance revolutions? Tom: Look it's all completely chicken soup. Nick the Greek: It's what? Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas. Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.
Big Chris: It's been emotional.
Tom: There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.
"Hatchet" Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.
Soap: A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.
Winston: Charles, get the rifle out. We're being fucked.
Soap: Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. You see, knives are good, because they don't make a lot of noise. The less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
Barry the Baptist: Fucking northern monkeys! Lenny: I hate these southern fairies!
Soap: OY! Keep your fingers out of my soup!
Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot? Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.
Barry the Baptist: If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick!
Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist.
Hatchet Harry: You must be Tom. J.D.'s son. Tom: Yeah. You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father. Hatchet Harry: Never mind, you'll meet him tonight if you keep that up.
Plank:Ah! They shot me! Dog: Well, shoot em back! John: Jesus, Plank, couldn't you have got smokeless cartridges? I can't see a bloody thi-- Ah! I've been shot! Dog: Look, will everyone stop gettin' shot?
Little Chris: Fuckin' hell John, do you always walk around with this in your pocket? Big Chris: Hey! You use language like that again son, you'll wish you hadn't!
Big Chris: All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on.
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