Best of Sardar. . .
Srdr: I haven't slept all nite in the train.
Frnd: Y?
Srdr: Got upper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower
berth..
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody
will be there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C. After
seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI for filling up. U
know y?
FORM say " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN
A BIG GROUP OF 19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY
FOR ABOVE 18...
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to
jail".
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth................. WHY? because his doctor advised
him "Today's dinner should be light"
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He
was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF -
I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY
KIDNEY....
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his
college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS
HIM, DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question
ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Air tell phone but still hutch
network is following me.
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr
after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
A teacher told all students in a class to write an
essay on a cricket match.All were busy writing except
one Sardarji.He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'...........
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you NEXT
YEAR.
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa who died peacefuly
in his sleep not screaming like all
the passengers in the car he was driving.
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what
you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for
more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in
the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
Santa Singh rushed back angrily to
the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few
minutes ago.
"Where is my free gift?"
he shouted at the shopkeeper.
"But Sir, there is no free
gift on the purchase of butter." The shopkeeper answered politely.
"Don't fool me," replied
Banta, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol
free'".
Help.... Titanic is sinking....
Everyone on the ship are shouting,
crying, running or praying to god...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby
Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from
here?
Sardarji : Two miles ..
Italian : Only two miles, Then why
are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into
the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side,
land is two miles from here?
Sardarji : Downwards ...
Four Pakistanis were travelling in
a train and spotted Santa Singh visiting a Sikh shrine in Pakistan. One guy said
he was going to piss him off. He walked over to Santa Singh and tapped him on
the shoulder. 'Hey, I hear the Indian Prime Minister is a Coward.' Santa
replied, 'Oh really, hmm, I didn't know that.'
Puzzled, the Pakistani man walked
back to his buddies. 'I told him Indian Prime Minister was a sissy and he didn't
care!'
'You just don't know how to set him
off, watch and learn.' The second Pakistani man walked over and tapped the Santa
Singh on the shoulder. 'I hear the Indian Prime Minister is a transvestite!'
'Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you.' Shocked beyond belief, the Pakistani
man went back to his buddies. 'Your right, he is unshakable!'
The third Pakistani man said: 'No,
no, no, I will really piss him off, you just watch.' The Pakistani man walked
over to Santa Singh, tapped him on the shoulder and said. 'I hear the Indian
Prime Minister is a bastard!' 'Really, I didn't know that, thank you.' Shocked,
the Pakistani man went back to his buddies. 'He is really unshakable!'
The fourth Pakistani man said: 'No!
All of you are fools. See how I piss him off.' The Pakistani man walked over to
Santa Singh, tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'I hear the Indian Prime
Ministe really a Pakistani!' Santa replied, 'Yeah, that's what your buddies were
trying to tell me.'
4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati
and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job.
With nothing to choose between
them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be
carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same
question and the best answer would get them the job.
The next morning, first up was the
Marathi.
"Here`s your question,"
said the President, "What`s the fastest thing in the world?"
Without hesitation, he replied
"A thought, because it takes no time at all."
"Very good answer," said
the President.
Next up was the Gujrati, "What`s
the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink,"
replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don`t think about a
blink. It`s a reflex."
"Good answer," replied
the president.
Next was the Bengali, "What`s
the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president.
The Bengali thought for a moment,
"Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will
go on immediately."
"That`s a great answer,"
replied the president.
Finally, it was our Santa`s turn.
"What`s the fastest thing in the world?"asked the president.
Scratching his head Santa replied:
"Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I
got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the
light....."
Rajiv: Zail Singhji, How is your
MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Everything is fine, but
I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
Zail Singh: Can you give me an
example, so that I can understand?
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in
your house?
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be
water in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be
fish in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be
feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your
wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: So, Logically, you are
married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv : So, that means you are a
heterosexual.
Zail Singh was very glad and he
understood logic. Next day he meets Buta Singh who was also preparing for his
MBA exams.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta : Everything is fine except
for the logic.
Zail : Oh,logic is easy.
Buta : Can you please explain it to
me?
Zail : Do you have a fish pot in
your house?
Buta : NO, I don't.
Zail : Saala HOMO!!!
Ek sardarji ke bachcha nahin hota
saat saal se.... goes to a doctor and asks, "What's wrong with me."
Doctor says lot of problem but there's a solution...go to a woman who's 7 months
pregnant & suck milk from her breasts then you'll be okay.....
Sardarji goes to her wife &
tells her. She says, "Apni padosan ke bachcha hone wala hai usse try karo."
Sardarji goes to her & tells her the story...she gets very angry & says,
"Sardarji, main to apko bhai samajhti thi aur aap kya nikle..apko sharam
aani chaahiye." Sardarji poora jor lagadete hain samjhane main. Kahata hai,
"Meri zindagi kaa sawal hai main saari umar aapka ehsaan maanooga."
In the end she agrees but says come
tomorrow when my husband goes out. Sardarji goes to her house & starts
sucking her breasts. After some time the padosan who didn't have any sex for so
long gets hot & says, "Sardarji aur kuch chahiye to woh bhi maang
lo." He says, "No, no, everything is fine." After some time she
again says, "Sardarji kuch aur chahiye to soch lo aur maang lo," but
he nahin nahin sab theek hai..... Now she's really hot & unable to bear
anything so she says, "Sardarji aaj apko doodh peene ke saath jo kuch bhi
chahiye woh maang lo. Jo ichcha ho woh bol do."
Sardarji says, "Bhen, 2
biscuit mil jaate doodh ke saath to badi meharbaani hoti".
Santa and a lawyer are seated next
to each other on a flight from Patiala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would
like to play a fun game.
Santa, tired, just wants to take a
nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice
versa." Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now
agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa's attention and,
figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer
asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the
moon?"
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches
into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer,
"your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and
comes back with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop
computer and searches all his references ... no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes Santa and
hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The
lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well,
what's the answer?" Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the
lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep.
Once there was a meeting of all the
Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a
point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question
indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! We'll attack USA, it
would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically
get developed."
All the surds became happy on this
very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked
him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT
WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
Once there was a meeting of all the
Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a
point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question
indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! We'll attack USA, it
would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically
get developed."
All the surds became happy on this
very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked
him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT
WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
did when you left home. Your dad
read in the
newspaper that most accidents
happen 20 miles
from your home, so we moved! I
won't be able to
give you the address as the last
sardar who stayed
in this house took the numbers with
them for their
next house, so they wouldnt have to
change their
address.
This place is really nice. It even
has a washing
machine. I'm not sure it works too
well, last week
I put in three shirts and pulled
the chain and I
HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
THE weather here isn't too bad. It
rained only twice
last week. The first it rained for
three days and the
second time for four days. The coat
you wanted me
to send you, your aunt said it
would be a little too
heavy to send in the mail with all
the buttons, so we
cut them off and put them in the
pocket.
We got another bill from the
funeral home. It said
that if we don't make the last
payment on
GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up
again.
Your father has another job. He has
500 men under
him. He is cutting the grass in the
cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning, I
havent found out
whether it is a boy or girl, so I
don't know whether
you are an aunt or uncle!
Your uncle jatindar fell into a
whiskey vat. Some
men tried to pull him out, but he
fought them off
and drowned. We cremated him and he
burned for
3 days.
Three of your friends went off the
bridge in a
pick-up truck. One was driving and
the other two
were in the back. the driver got
out, he rolled down
the window and swam to safety. the
other 2 friends
drowned because they couldn't get
the gate down.
there isn't much more news at this
time. nothing much has happened.
love, mom
p.s. i was going to send you some
money, but the
envelope was already sealed.
Sardarji Takes Art Class: One Day,
A sardarji went to take an art class. His art teacher gave the assignment that
he must paint
something. The sardarji did not
know what to paint, so the teacher told him to paint that which he felt was the
most beautiful thing in the world.The sardarji thought, Nothing can be more
beautiful than my village, so I shall paint that.The sardarji spent all his time
working on the
painting the next day. He did not
eat, sleep, or take a bath. Finally, he took the painting to his art teacher.His
art teacher was amazed at the detail of the picture, but he said, "No, no,
there is something missing. Go back to your village and see what you have
missed."
The sardarji went back to his
village and revised his painting. The next day in class, he returned withthe
painting. He presented a black canvas to his instructor. His instructor said,
"What! You fool! I said revise not destroy!"The sardarji said,
"Well you told me to paint what I
was missing, so I went back to the village, and looked for a long time. Then, there was a power outage, so Ithought to myself this is what I am missing, so I painted black!"
A Sardar Computer Illiterate: True
story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech
Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I
help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my
PC is broken and I am
within my warranty period. How do I
go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you
say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to
the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I
seem a bit stumped, It's
because
I am. Did you receive this as part
of a promotional, at a
trade
show? How did you get this cup
holder? Does it have
any trademark
on it?"
Caller: "It came with my
computer, I don't know
anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on
it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to
mute the caller, because
he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load
drawer of the CD-ROM
drive as a cup holder,
and snapped it off the drive!
Jurassic Park
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic
Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when
his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema
hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai,
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"
Brain Tumor
There's a funeral procession of a
sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the
bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street
find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its
marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage
wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai
hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;
Photocopy
One Sardar needed two plain papers
but he had only one. Do you know what he did: photocopied the one which he had.
sardar are fun aren't
European Closet
Santa and Banta went to US They
have stayed a five star hotel. Santa don't know how to use the European closet
he dropped everything in a packet and placed it on one of the leaves of the fan.
Banta came and switch on the fan and everything spread on the wall When the room
boy came Santa gave a 10 dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room boy
gazed at it for a five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket and told
to Santa "I will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do it so
beautifully".
One more Plane Crash
Garbachan singh was traveling from
Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one
Pakistani and some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed
that plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to
rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai
America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from
the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The
next is Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani
by saying "Jai India".
A Plane journey
A jet ran in to some turbulent
weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage
carts.
"I'd like a soda " said
the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man
behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he
replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".
Crime Story
"I'm going on vacation . Could
you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this
one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta.
"only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".
New House
Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a
new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You
advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read
the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".
Salt Seller
Do you really sell that much salt?
A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of
boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar.
"I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good
salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."
Marathon Race
One day Sardar happened to see a
marathon race.
"What the guys are doing"
asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon.
The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get
prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar
13th Floor
One day a sardarji was sitting in
his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a
man came running in
to his office and shouted
"Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an
accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he
jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he
was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have
a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth
floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was
about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa
Singh.
Phone Book
A sardar walked up to the front
desk of the library
and said, "I borrowed a book
last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There
was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too
many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh,
you must be the person who
took our phone book."
Cows Don't Fly
A sardar was walking along, when he
looked up to
observe a bird flying overhead.
Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly
over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that
cows don't fly."
Dark Room
Did you hear about the sardar who
asked his friends to
give him all their burnt out light
bulbs? He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
Relaxing
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a
Beach in UK.A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
answered '" No I am Banta
Singh" Another Guy Came and asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered
" No No Me ! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question
Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place. While walking he
saw another Sardar enjoying the
Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar
was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him
on
his face and said "Idiot, Sab
tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "
Electricity:
A call from ladies hostel at night to electricity office " we lost the
power send your men"
"
No Man here, Use Candles"
Judgment Then there was the 85 year old woman who
found her husband in bed with another woman. She was so enraged that she dragged
him to the balcony of their high-rise apartment and pushed him to his death.
When she appeared in court, the
judge asked if she had anything to say in her own defence.
"Well Your Honour," she
replied, "I figured if at 92 he he could make love, he could fly too."
Snap Banat singh was working in a studio as a photographer. One day he went to a function to take some snaps. While filling the film roll in to the camera it dropped down rolled beneath to the saree of an woman. Sardar hesitated for a moment and approached the woman and said "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take the photo"
Sex
Our
sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the
columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as
to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing
this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it
to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time
before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
AIDS Sardar Garbhajan singh went
for his usual morning walk. At one junction he found a crowd. One man holding a
syringe on one hand and the famous actress on the other hand. He threatens to
inject the liquid which contain AIDS virus in to her body unless he is given a
ransom of 10 corers of Rupees . Police men are helplessly watching. At this
moment Garbachen rushed to the man and has a fight, he dropped the syringe,
Police men arrested him. On the next day a ceremony is conducted to reward
Garbachen. The chief guest CM of punjab while giving away the reward asked to
the Garbachen " We are proud of you How did you show that much of courage
even if you are aware of AIDS ?" Garbachen said "Sir I always wear a
condom to avoid AIDS"
Treatment One man went to consult
as he is very thin and doesn't grow well after having enough food, after
diagnosis doctor said there is a worm inside his stomach it eats everything you
eat and the man asked for the treatment. Doctor prescribed the treatment
"From tomorrow onwards when you come to see myself come with a banana and
an apple". The net day he came with a banana and an apple. Doctor told him
to eat the banana and insert the apple through his back hole. After one month
treatment there is no change except size of the back hole increased so that the
apple can be thrown through the hole freely. He told the doctor " Doctor
there is no change in my physical condition after one month of treatment "
Doctor told him "when you come tomorrow come with a banana and a hammer
instead of apple". The next day he came with banana and the hammer. Doctor
let the man to eat the banana first and wait for a five minutes while the worm
come out from his stomach and told the ill fated patient "You idiot trying
to change my diet , where is my apple??" At the very moment the doctor
thrashed the worm with the hammer and the insect dead.
