Reconciliation

You don't stir as I reach for you in the night
as I stare through shadows
seeing you so at peace, unburdened from the weight
that you bear everyday as you move through the world
but you look so different now, someone I almost
don't know
You give me nothing more than a sigh in your sleep
as I take you hand in mine
my fingertips trace your own,
as I try to divine all the territories they have traversed
all the places and things and parts of you
I may never know
my hand glides to your arm, gentle, tender
and I can trace all the times you felt you
couldn't go on, and the pain still pools there
a silent reminder of your past
and I think of how when you met me
you told me those thoughts still plagued you mind
from time to time
my fingers pull away, soft touches along the way
and I can feel the strength and love in these arms
the arms that hold me, soothe me, keep me safe
from the world and from myself
and still the pain, from all the times you were
unappreciated for your actions
I lay my hand against your chest, and feel
your heartbeat there
I slow my breaths to match yours
trying to know you more than I do
heartbeat, breathing, timekeeper of your soul
and the pain here grows
no visible scars
but I know you still bleed
and I'm not sure how I can stop it
as I feel the wounds in my own soul
where jagged edged pieces of reality
spared me no mercy
as I too tried to end it all
and I look to you, wondering, demanding
to know how you could sleep through this
as I feel fire burn up through my fingertips
and race headlong through my veins
tears burn like ice as they escape
suddenly and forcefully closed eyes
but I will not cry...
I will not...
I will...
I...
You awaken
You don't say a word as you gather me to you
and brush my hair back from my face
and look into my tear wet eyes
you say nothing
but I know
there's more than words can ever say
you kiss me gently, and hold me in your arms
til sleep cradles me once again
and as I drift off
I feel you take my hand
and your fingertips against mine
trying to divine