[Eminem:] I don't know, dude...
I think everyone's all jealous and s**t cuz I'm like the lead singer of the band, dude...
And I think everyone's got a f****n' problem with me, dude...
And they need to take it up with me after the show...
Because...

These chicks don't even know the name of my band-but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man, all because I'm the lead singer of my band.

So I get off stage right and drop the mic.
Walk up to these hot chicks and I'm all like:
" 'Sup ladies, my name's 'Slim Shady.'
I'm the lead singer in 'D12,' baby."
They're all like:
"Oh my God it's him!
Becky, oh my f****n' God it's 'Eminem!!' "
"I swear to f****n' God, dude you f****n' rock!
Please let me please let me suck your c**k?!"
And by now the rest of the fellas get jealous.
Especially when I drop the beat and do my acapellas.
(>Girls Cheer<)
All the chicks start yellin'.
All the hot babes throw their bras and their shirts and their panties on stage so like every single night they pick a fight with me.
But when we fight it's kinda like sibling rivalry cuz they're back on stage the next night with me.
Dude, I just think you're tryna steal the light from me.
Yesterday "Kuniva" tried to pull a knife on me cuz I told him Jessica Alba's my wife to be.
This rock star s**t is the life for me and all the other guys just despise me because these...

[Eminem:] These chicks don't even know the name of my band-but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man, all because I'm the lead singer of my band.
My band.
My band.
My band.
My band.
My band.
My band.
My band.
My band.
My band ([Swift:] Alright. ..Alright. Come on, man.), baby. ([Swift:] Come on. Great, man. ..You need to get rid of this mic!!)
Ha, yeah.

[Swift:] You just wanna see a n***a backwards, don't you?
Hey dad, how come we don't rap on Protools, smash these vocals, and do a performance?
But we in the van and he in a tour bus.
You don't want my autograph; you's a liar.
And no, I'm "Swift."
[Random Ghetto Guy:] Oh, I thought you were "Kuniva."
[Swift:] What the hell is wrong with that dressin' room?
Cuz my s**t look smaller than a decimal.
See, I know how to rap.
It's simple but... all I did was read a Russell Simmons book so I'm more intact, tryna get on the map, doin' jumpin' jacks while gettin' whipped on my back.

[Kuniva:] Look at "Em."
Little punk a*s thinkin' he the s**t.
[Kon Artist:] Yeah I know man.
Find himself takin' on a flick.
[Kuniva:] Hey, I thought we had an interview with "DJ Clue."
[Eminem:] No, I had an interview.
Not you two.
[Kuniva:] You gon' be late for sound-check.
[Kon Artist:] Man, I ain't goin' to sound-check!
[Kuniva:] Our mics are screwed up.
[Kon Artist:] And his always sound best.
You know what man, I'ma say somethin'!
[Kuniva:] Hey yo, "Em."
[Eminem:] You got somethin' to say?!
[Kon Artist:] Man, no!
[Kuniva:] I thought you was about to tell him off.
Man, what's up?
[Kon Artist:] I'ma tell him when I feel like it.
Man, shut up.
You ain't even back me up when we s'posed to be crew!
[Kuniva:] Well, I was 'bout to talk right after you.
[Kon Artist:] I swear...!
[Kuniva:] I swear, man.

[Eminem:] These chicks don't even know the name of my band-but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man, all because I'm the lead singer of my band.

[Proof:] They say the lead singers rock, but the group does not.
We sold out arenas to amusement parks.
I'm gonna let the world know that "Proof" is hot.
I should cut his mic off when the music starts.
[Eminem:] Hey yo, what's-
(>Mic Gets Cut Off<)
[Proof:] Ready to snap on a d*****s fan every time I hear:
[Random Skater Dude:] Hey dude, I love your band!
[Proof:] We ain't a band, b***h.
We don't play instruments so why he get 90 and we only get 10%?
And these guys, they can find every area code.
[Eminem:] "Proof," carry my bags.
[Proof:] B***h, carry your own.
Can't make it to the stage; security in my way.
(>Guys Boo< >Someone Throws A Glass Bottle<)
[Random Tuff Guy:] Who the F**K are you?!
Where's "Obie" and "Dre?!"

[Bizarre:] G*******t I'm sick of this group.
Time for me to go solo and make some loot.
I told you I made the beats and wrote all the raps 'till "Kon Artist" slipped me some crack!
"Lose Yourself" video, I was in the back.
"Superman" video, I was in the back.
F**k the media, I got some suggestions.
F**k Marshall, ask US the questions like who's "D12," how we get started.
[Random Ditzy Reporter Lady:] But what about "Eminem?"
[Bizarre:] B***h, are you retarded?!
ANYWAY, I'm the popularest guy in the group.
Big a*s stomach, b*****s think I'm cute.
[Random Ghetto Girl:] Hey, sexy!
[Bizarre:] "50" told me to do sit-ups to get buff.
Did 2½ and couldn't get up.
(>Groan<)
F**k "D12," I'm outta this band.
I'ma start a group with the real Roxanne.

[Eminem (Boy Band-ly):] Girl, ([Bizarre:] Roxanne, Roxanne!) why can't you see ([Bizarre:] Only Roxanne!) you're the
[Eminem & Bizarre (Boy Band-ly):] only one for me? And it just
[Eminem (Boy Band-ly):] tears my a*s apart to know that you don't know my name!
(>Bizarre Knocks Eminem Over<)

[Bizarre (Mockingly):] These chicks don't even know the name of my band ([Kuniva?:] Haha!) but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands ([Kuniva?:] F**k Marshall.) cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man, ([Kuniva?:] Yeah!) all because I'm the lead sing...([Kuniva?:] Hahaha!)
[Eminem:] My band!
[Bizarre:] Our band. {{Eminem is saying "My band."}}
Our band. ([Kuniva?:] Hahaha!) {{Eminem is saying "My band."}}
Our band. {{Eminem is saying "My band."}}
Our band. ([Kuniva?:] Hahaha!) {{Eminem is saying "My band."}}
Roxanne. {{Eminem is saying "My band."}}
Ashanti. {{Eminem is saying "My band."}}
[Eminem:] My band!!!
([Kuniva?:] Hahaha!) ([Bizarre:] Yeah, the hottest boy band in the world... "D12!")

[Eminem (Salsa-ly Until The Last Line):] I'm the lead singer of my band.
I get all the girls to take off their underpants.
I'm the lead singer of my band.
My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance my salsa. ([Whoever:] Whoa-woa.)
Look out for my next single, it's called "My Salsa."
My salsa, salsa, salsa, salsa.
My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and take off their underpants.
My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and take off their underpants. My salsa.
Where'd everybody go?