Sept. 30th 1969 is a day that my world was turned upside down. I was 12 years old and the memory of it all is as vivid today as it was then. I was awakened in the early hours of the morning to hearing my mother pleading with my father... then a thump as if a chair was thrown. After the thump there was silence.
I got up from my bed and went downstairs, as I was going downstairs, my father was coming up stairs, he had a shotgun in his hands and was reloading it. I stopped in a daze when I saw him and he told me to look out... this is when I realized what had happened...
I ran by him down the stairs and past the room where I saw my mom in a pool of blood. I ran to the back door and I heard another thump...this time I knew what it was... and this time it was for my brother.
I headed outside and hid by a tall row of flower bushes. I don't know how long I was there, but I think it was quite a while. I then went to a neighbor and knocked on their door and told them what had happened...It turns out that my father had also killed himself and from what I've heard, he was found near the back door that I went out.
As you can imagine, every scenario has gone through my head on what I could have done or why it happened to begin with. Even up to a few weeks ago... I just had a thought of something I never thought about before. If I had realized it was a gunshot, I would have never gone downstairs and I might have met the same fate as them. I think I may have surprised my father somewhat and was able to make it out before he was ready for me...I just don't know.
My father had never shown any signs of being violent until this night. Others in my family had told me that during the Korean War he had a paratrooping accident that landed him in the hospital for 1 year and a metal plate was put in his head. I really believe that something happened with the plate...it shifted or whatever, but in any event it took me until around 1996 to forgive him. After the tragedy I was raised through my teen years by my grandmother. She was and is a great person and she had gotten me through alot. I used to dwell on that Sept. morning alot and I had alot of self pity. I learned to cope with it all by not holding it in, but by talking it out with people.
That is why I bring my story to my mepage. It is a continuing healing process. I don't ask for sympathy from anyone. All I ask for is understanding and prayers during this somber time of year for me.
Come with me to gather
Love from up above
Jesus waiting for your soul
His Heart so filled with love
Now the journey over
Your new life now begins
Love within horizon
With angel's guarded wings
Come a little closer
Pass the portal here
Love in new beginning
Friends and family near
Step into the heavens
Peace will touch with grace
Sorrows gone forever
Memories erased
Love will gather round you
Welcome sweet repair
Arms of Jesus holding
His Heart the joy you wear
Come to me I'll help you
I'm reaching for your hand
Bring you love forever
Within God's promised land.
