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19th Nervous Breakdown

You better stop, look around
Here it comes
Here it comes
Here it comes
Here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.

~ Lyrics by The Rolling Stones

Xander rolled over and snuggled farther into Spike’s cool side. He’d thought, for some reason, that Spike would be the one to cuddle into him, for his warmth, but he found Spike was the one being snuggled. Xander supposed it had something to do with the fact that Spike was the stronger, emotionally, of them, and Xander was looking for comfort more than anything.

You big girl, he chastised himself. Xander leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on one of Spike’s prominent ribs. Spike peeked one eye open and looked down at Xander questioningly, but Xander just smiled and kissed pale skin again. Spike started to speak, but Xander, not wanting to hear protestations of any sort, lifted a hand and placed a gentle fingertip on Spike’s lips, silencing him. Another kiss, this one nearer Spike’s nipple, and a devilish grin. Spike quirked an eyebrow, as though daring Xander to continue. Xander decided to rise to the challenge.

Xander lifted himself up a bit and flicked his tongue over one nipple. It hardened at his touch, and Spike let out a hiss of pleasure at the sensation. Xander smiled and repeated the action, eliciting the same response with satisfaction. Spike writhed a little on the bed, and Xander took advantage of the movement to place himself directly over Spike, his legs straddling the blonde’s narrow hips. Their mouths were suddenly fused together with a heat born of passion and need, and Xander’s hips rocked, their full erections gliding against one another. Xander gasped into Spike’s mouth when the vampire rolled them over,

Suddenly something hard and cold was pressed against his opening, forcing inside, tearing him painfully. He screamed at the agony, but Spike smiled down at him lovingly, kissing him with gentle care. The macabre contrast between the searing pain Spike was inflicting and the sweet, gentle love his face was showing was too much for Xander, and he tried to scream again, but Spike kissed him passionately, cutting off his screams.

“Be a good boy…” Spike’s face whispered, but his voice was distorted. It wasn’t Spike’s voice at all…it was his dad’s.

Xander’s eyes popped open, and he glanced around the room frantically, trying to reassure himself that the dream had indeed been a dream. He looked over at Spike, who slept peacefully, and slowly extricated himself from the bed. Once he was out, he stood beside it and looked at Spike for a few moments, both reaffirming that the vampire was still asleep, and simply staring at his love, memorizing his face.

The dream had been too much. He didn’t think he could ever try to be with Spike after that dream. He was sure he would always think of it in terror, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want that for himself, and he especially didn’t want to put Spike through that. He crept from the bedroom, then turned on a whim and went back into the bedroom. Silently he went back to the bed and lowered his head. He brushed his lips against Spike’s in the barest hint of a kiss, swallowed back the tears that threatened to come, and left the room again. He moved stealthily up the stairs of the hotel, up to the roof.

He went directly to the edge, not wasting time for useless reflection or grandiose poses. He was there for a reason, and it was best to get it all over with. He wasn’t going to be melodramatic about it. He stepped up onto the ledge, and after a deep breath, took another step forward.

Xander!!” Spike screamed from the doorway back into the hotel. He’d begun to wake up when he’d felt Xander’s lips on his, but hadn’t completely roused himself from sleep until he’d heard Xander creeping up the stairs to the roof. Curious, he had left the bed to see if Xander was all right, and stepped out onto the roof just in time to see Xander lean forward. He screamed his love’s name, and Xander’s head twisted around, his face a mask of misery and regret, before disappearing from view.

Spike didn’t think. He couldn’t think. He leapt forward, charging to the point where Xander had disappeared, and dove off the roof, pushing off the edge for more velocity. He grabbed at Xander’s leg, grasping the material of his sweat pants with a clawed, desperate grip, and yanking as hard as he could, trying to get his body under the human’s. He could survive the fall, while he knew Xander could not.

Spike twisted his body around and under Xander’s just before they hit the ground, and grunted as his back connected with the pavement with a loud snap. Stars shot out behind his eyes and he fought to remain conscious, mentally gripping the sound of Xander’s heartbeat like a lifeline. His world went completely dark, and the sound stopped.

Angel stormed out the front door of the Hyperion, shouting back for Cordelia to call an ambulance, and sprinted around the corner to where the two men lay, unconscious in a small pool of blood. His face was stricken, and he moved forward to check each of them for vital signs. He knew Spike wasn’t dead, as there was still a body to check, but it was Xander he was unsure about. He placed a hand on the young man’s wrist, relieved to find a faint, but existing pulse. He surveyed the scene before feeling along Xander’s body for breaks. He couldn’t find any in the man’s limbs or spine, so rolled him over, off of Spike and onto his back.

He could only guess what had happened, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to think it. He could tell that Spike had tried to break his lover’s fall with his own body, but he thought perhaps from the bleeding wound on Xander’s head that he had hit the pavement anyway. Angel knew his injuries could be serious, but couldn’t dwell on that. He had to get them both inside, and ready for the ambulance when it came.

He lifted them both, carefully, and brought them inside the lobby, distantly recognizing that Cordelia was on the phone with the emergency operator, trying to sound calm. Finally she hung up the phone and rushed to his side, where she rechecked Xander for injuries, her eyes filling with tears.

“Oh, God, Xander!” she sobbed, and Angel pulled her into a hug.

“Cordy, listen to me. You have to call Wesley and Gunn, and then you need to call Julia Chambers. Can you do that?” he said, his hands on her shoulders as he looked intently into her eyes.

She sniffed and nodded, heading back to the phone after one last look at Xander and Spike, and dialed Wesley and Gunn’s number. She told Wesley that Xander and Spike had fallen off the roof and that he and Gunn needed to get to the hotel as soon as they could.

She hung up without waiting for an answer, and called Julia Chambers’ office.

“You have reached Julia Chambers, Psychologist and Counselor. My office is closed at the moment, but if you leave your name and number, I will call back during office hours.” Cordelia grunted with frustration and waited for the beep of the voicemail to signal her message.

“This is Cordelia Chase. I’m a friend of Alexander Harris’. He and Spike fell off the roof. We’re taking Xander to the hospital. I’m not sure which one yet, but my cell phone number is 555-0687. Please call me as soon as you get this message.” She hung up the phone and moved back to the doorway, where Angel was tending to Spike.

“What should we…” she started to ask.

“It’s going to be daylight fairly soon, and they can’t do anything for Spike, anyway. You need to ride in the ambulance with Xander. I’ll stay with Spike and wait for Wes and Gunn. Call me as soon as you know anything, okay?” Angel said as the ambulance screeched to a halt in front of the doors.

Angel grabbed Spike up in his arms and took him into his office, assuring that the two attendants who came to the door didn’t see either of them. They placed Xander on a gurney, and Cordelia followed them into the ambulance.

Angel waited until he was sure they were gone, and brought his arm to his mouth, tearing at the skin with sharp fangs. His blood flowed freely down his arm, and he placed the wound against Spike’s slack mouth.

“Drink it, Spike,” Angel encouraged in a trembling voice, his calm manner finally beginning to fade.

After what seemed like hours, but were actually only seconds, Spike reflexively swallowed his grandsire’s blood. Angel breathed a loud sigh of relief and allowed Spike to take several swallows before finally removing his arm and wrapping it in a rag. Spikes eyes blinked open, and he put a hand to his head, squinting with pain.

“Fuck. My head…” Spike groaned, trying to sit up.

“Stay down, Spike,” Angel told him, pushing on his chest.

“Did I fall off a fucking…shit. Xander!” Spike jerked upright, pain forgotten as his eyes rapidly took in his surroundings. He didn’t see Xander anywhere, and jumped up, swaying dizzily.

Angel jumped to his feet and caught him, steadying the struggling vampire.

“Let me go! You bloody wanker! Where’s Xander?!” Spike growled, his facial features shifting to those of a demon in his rage.

“He’s not here, Spike!” Angel said. “He’s alive!”

Spike visibly relaxed, but only half a measure. “Where the hell is he?” Spike repeated anxiously.

“He’s on his way to the hospital.”

“I tried to catch him…” Spike whispered dully.

“And you did. Spike, you did. But he hit his head, or something, and Cordy went with him in the ambulance.”

“We have to go…” Spike started.

“No, we can’t, Spike. The sun’s going to be up soon.” Spike’s eyes flicked up to Angel’s, and the two shared a helpless, pained look.

“I tried to catch him…” Spike repeated, his voice breaking as the torrent of tears broke free, and Angel’s arms wrapped around him in a gesture of feeble comfort.

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