Christian Parenting 101: So your kid wants to go into ministry?
January 22, 2005
First and foremost, I want to openly declare that I am not a psychiatrist or a scholar in parenting. In fact, I am not a parent. I am just a kid, who knows just as much (or less than) you because all I know about parenting is that I have parents just like you. So yes, I am not James Dobson; this is not Focus on the Family.
This subject is very dear to my heart because I am from a Christian home and I have an urge to go into ministry. Back in the 9th grade, I told my parents that I wanted to be a missionary. Surely, that was not a decision based on the newest fashion trends or the oldest traditional customs. In fact, if I were in their shoes, I would be quite perplexed. I would ask myself, “Isn’t that kind of stuff for cubicle-entrapped engineers in their mid-30’s who realize their lives are empty and lacking excitement? What does a thirteen year old want to do with missions?”
Okay. Now I can only speak from what I know (or think I know) which is from a cultural background that is Chinese American with immigrant parents so bear with me if your situation is different. I must say that the stereotype for Chinese immigrant parents is dead on! There is slight variation depending on different things, but for the most part I believe that my peers and I can relate on a “No way. My parents are like that too!” kind of level.
So what does a Chinese parent expect/desire from you? Straight A’s. Perfect SATs. Some Prodigy-level talent (i.e. piano/violin). Ivy League School. Several degrees (and I’m not talking Fahrenheit). Nice Secure and Comfy Job. Not just secure, but a well-respected profession. A great spouse (one that is fertile and sociable with them). But strangely enough, no dating because it interferes with the other things they want (how is one to meet that great spouse?).
I agree that they don’t expect ALL of the above. My parents did not expect all. If yours don’t, great! If yours do, I don’t know what to say except a little prayer for you.
I understand that people not familiar with Christian Chinese Parents (CCPs), may like to ask what CCPs expect/desire from their kids. Well, if we were to make a list like the previous one…. It would read as follows:
What does a Christian Chinese parent expect/desire from you? Straight A’s. Perfect SATs. Some Prodigy-level talent (i.e. piano/violin). Obedience at home. Ivy League School. Several degrees (and I’m not talking Fahrenheit). Nice Secure and Comfy Job. Not just secure, but a well-respected profession. A great spouse (one that is fertile and sociable with them). But strangely enough, no dating because it interferes with the other things they want (how is one to meet that great spouse?).
As you could probably tell, I was able to give my fingers a break by using the copy and paste function. At first sight, the expectations did not become more merciful. But at second glance, you wonder why the expectations for Godly things don’t really make the list.
Yes, they want you to be a Christian. Yes, they want you to go to church. Yes, they want you to read the Bible. But when is that ever imposed? If you asked my friends, they would say these things:
If I didn’t get Straight A’s, I got lectured. If I didn’t do my Sunday School homework, it would be okay. If I didn’t go to class, I was in trouble. If I didn’t go to church, it would be okay. If I don’t read, I’m dead. If I don’t read the Bible, it’s okay. If I didn’t practice piano, I couldn’t eat until I did. If I didn’t join the worship team, it was okay. If I needed to take an SAT course, it was worth the hefty cost. If I wanted to go to a retreat, the price would be questioned. If I don’t get into a great college, my parents would be depressed and personally beg admissions to let me in. If I don’t become a Christian, my parents would be saddened briefly but hope that someone somewhere someday would beg me to become one. If I don’t become a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or at least get a Ph.D., my parents will feel like they wasted all their time, money, and effort. If I want to go into missions, they will feel like they wasted all their time, money, and effort. If you are a CCP, you know that at least one of the above is true. You’ll probably never get confronted by your child about them. They’ll rarely say “I wish you taught me about God” or “I wish you knew what was MORE important in life” because they have been raised by you. They probably hold the same things to be true and will probably raise their kids in a similar fashion.
Since some of you may doubt my credibility, I want to let you know I doubt it too. But one of my sources does not lie. The Bible actually inspired me to wake up at 3am to write this article. I was reading Genesis 22, where Abraham is called to sacrifice his only son Isaac.
To give background, this is one of two times in the Bible where a parent must sacrifice his son for the sake of God’s will. In this particular scenario, Abraham has been blessed with his first child with Sarah after being around for about 100 years (that’s true fertility, right there). So, Abraham finally gets his son and life is good, right? Well, God tells Abraham to offer him as a sacrifice (not sacrifice as in “becoming a missionary”; but sacrifice as in “chop chop chop”). Personally, I always get teary when Isaac asks his father “I got the ax and wood, but where’s the poor animal?” But Abraham goes down as one of the most obedient men ever and never hesitates. God stops him, though, right before the chop chop chop and promises that Old Abe would surely have offspring springing off in every direction.
The second time this happens in the Bible, is a biggie. God, Himself, sacrificed His only son Jesus. This time, God did not spare the kid because He knew it was necessary for all of us or else would all see eternal condemnation. And we know the rest of the story.
So what we can learn from these stories is: Even if we are called to offer what is most dear to us (only son), we should be obedient. In both cases, obedience led to better things. For Abraham, he became the Father of Nations. And For God, He got to be in eternal relationships with us. If this is true even if it means dying, how does full-time ministry compare? Allowing your son to become a pastor, is not the same as strapping him into the electric chair. And yes, missions is dangerous work, but if “job stability” meant that much to you before, what would be more stable than eternity? He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”—Jim Elliot
As a child of a CCP, I plead that you break the cycle. If you are a CCP, it’s not too late to ask your kids to go to church with you or to have family Bible studies. I wish my family could do that. Personally, I was lucky to be mentored by young adults who taught me about God, but you can’t take the chance to leave it in someone else’s hands. The great Pastor Jack Lum once said, “If you don’t raise your kids, someone else will do it” whether that someone else is a pastor or a drug dealer. If you have young kids or don’t have kids yet, never expect your kids to succeed in school or work until you have succeeded in knowing that God wants to use your child in some remarkable way. Don’t just wait for a burning bush to tell you that. Even encourage your child to go into ministry (at least mention it as often as medicine). If your child ever wants to go into ministry, know that you did good.
Stay Tuned for the next “Christian Parenting 101” article: But doesn’t God want our kids to be educated and have important skills?
