In a short while a nurse came in to check my vitals and said my doctor would be in later to check on me. In the meantime my parents and my breakfast would be in around 8:00. We decided early on that my parents would serve me breakfast and take the first shift, my in-laws would come in at lunch and my wife soon afterwads to spend the afternoon and evening. My parents and in-laws often stayed beyond their shifts, though, in order to speak to the doctors whenever they made their rounds.

That morning as scheduled, my parents came in with my breakfast and my mom sat down to feed me. A nurse stood at the foot of the bed and waited until the bed was at its 30 degrees angle toward the door so she could stop it at a position where I could eat comfortably. I couldn't eat flat on my back so all my meals were fed to me while I was angled.

I don't remember the first breakfast but I do remember how I wanted to be fed. "What do you want first?" she politely asked trying to keep back a flood of emotions. I asked for a bite of something and told her just to alternate from one food to the next. I don't recall the conversation. I just remember that she and everyone who came to visit would ignore the obvious and just make sure I was comfortable. They wouldn't bring up my situation unless I brought it up first. No one ever cried in front of me. And surprisingly, it would be quite a while before my emotions spilled out, too.

After breakfast the nurses came in to shave me and give me my bath. After stopping the bed at its flat setting, they began to remove all the cushions around me. "How do you usually shave yourself?" one of them asked.

"With a Gillette twin blade." I said.

"How about one of our safety razors?" she asked.

I reluctantly agreed and they lathered me up. By the time they were finished, I had half a dozen nicks on my nervous neck. My parents went right out that afternoon and bought me an electric razor. That was the last time a straight razor was ever used on me.

The next thing the nurses did was get a basin of water, wash cloths and towels and prepared to give me my first of a life long of bed baths. They first washed my face and wiped it off with a clean wet cloth and I quickly realized I did not like my face to remain wet. The urgency I felt to dry it off was more than I could bear. I asked them to dry it as quickly as poossibly and they obliged. They then pulled my sheet down like it was nothing and I said good-bye to my modesty.

I helplessly watched the nurses as they lifted one arm to wash it, then the other, followed by the legs. Because I still had feeling in my shoulders, I could tell when my arms were being moved but I couldn't feel them touching the skin of my hands, arms, feet, legs... Nothing below my upper chest. I just laid there in total disbelief and wondered, 'What have I become?'

Later that morning my doctor came in. He began a routine that he would faithfully repeat on a daily basis. He would look at my chart, ask me how I'm feeling, check the screws in my head, then try to encourage me by telling me how good I looked. This took all of 60 seconds. He would then breeze out of the room and tell my family what he really thought. These were words I never heard.

Early that afternoon my wife came in exactly when she said she would. She was a welcome site and her presence caused me to smile genuinely for the first time that day. She had asked me the evening before what I wanted from home so she could bring it the following afternoon. Without hesitation I asked for my Bible, my Sony Walkman and a box of cassettes. In my room there was a TV mounted up on the wall at my feet but because I could only lay flat and look straight up, I couldn't see it. I had it on anyway for noise and to distract me from the hard reality of my new life.

After a while we turned it off and I had my wife read to me from the only Good News in the room.

"What would you like to hear?" she asked.

"Romans 8." I said. "I love Romans 8." And I closed my eyes as she read the beautiful truth of God's Word that fell on my ears like a song.

"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs -- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." (Rom. 8:16-18 NIV)

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God?s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Rom. 8:26-28 NIV)

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rom. 8:31 NIV)

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.'

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom. 8:35-39 NIV)


And I said, "Amen!"