The hallway was long and dark and had the faintest odor of something…something familiar. Something bad.

She walked along carefully, eyes alert, ears straining to hear anything that would lead her to what she sought. Buffy wasn’t sure what that was, exactly, but the need to find it was consuming her, urging her onward despite all her preternatural instincts to turn around and get far, far away from this place. This place was bad. It wanted to hurt her.

And yet she moved on. The walls closed in around her, the gray stones dripping with moisture, furry with a mossy substance. Rats and mice scurried around her feet, spiders and various other insects bustled along the walls and the ceiling. And yet she moved on.

Rounding a bend the corridor widened to reveal a room with several heavy wooden doors, each with a window blocked by steel bars. A prison? Dungeon? She didn’t know. Her feet moved as if sludging through mud as she neared them, afraid, yet knowing that this is what she was looking for. It was her destiny behind one of these doors, and she was here to claim it.

She entered the room and stood in the middle, a single shaft of light filtered down from the ceiling, lighting her so that she appeared celestial as she turned slowly to face each door. Four in all. Approaching the first she peered through the bars but all she could see was darkness. The same with the second, the third. Sighing she glanced in the direction of the last when a voice behind her whispered, “It won’t do you any good.”

She turned and stared. Buffy Summers, another Buffy Summers, stood before her.

“Um…okay.” She blinked a few times, then tried to wrap her mind around seeing her own image standing a mere four feet away. And in much better shoes than the ones she was currently wearing.

The other Buffy smiled knowingly. “I knew you’d like the shoes. I picked them out for that reason. And I’m not the First, though you know that, don’t you? It’s really me. Er…You. Us.”

“Doesn’t this sorta thing usually happen to me in the dessert, with a fire and a large cat?”

Buffy Two grinned and held up both hands. “No first Slayer, no fight to the death…although the two of us duking it out might be interesting.” She rolled her eyes heavenward. “I told them this would freak you out, but there’s supposed to be a point behind it.”

Buffy glanced at herself warily. “Behind what? And told who?”

“The Powers That Be…they’re sponsoring this little dream episode. And the point is in yourself being your guide. I think it’s supposed to be something like ‘you’ve known the truth the entire time,’ kinda deal.” Her other self shrugged.

“What truth?”

Buffy Two smiled again. “You know what’s behind these doors.”

Buffy swallowed and looked at each door in turn. “My destiny,” she murmured softly.

Buffy Two nodded. “You got it. Everything you’re looking for, everything you need, is back there somewhere. You just have to get there.”

“I’m suddenly wishing I’d spent more time analyzing “Let’s Make A Deal” strategies,” Buffy lamented.

“That’s the beauty of this little exercise, though… You get to go behind each door.”

“What?”

“Each door. You. Go inside,” Buffy Two told her slowly. “Not a hard concept to grasp.”

“The other me is certainly cranky,” Buffy muttered to herself, then said out loud, “What’s behind them?”

“Your destiny, somewhere, anyway. You’ll just have to see. But I’ll tell you this: You can only go inside each room once. You’ll have to make the choice to stay there or to go on. No going back, no changing your mind.”

“Changing your…my…our minds about what?” Buffy cried, frustrated. “I get to pick what my destiny is? Doesn’t that completely negate the idea of it being my destiny?”

“You’ll see. Make it good, though. Think about every option. It’s going to mean everything for you.”

Buffy glanced at the first door on the left in the circular room, then back at her other self. “Are you coming with me?”

Buffy Two smiled. “I’m always with you. We’re one in the same.”

“Enough with the cryptic,” she retorted with a roll of green eyes. “You know what I meant.”

“Sorry,” Buffy Two grinned sheepishly. “I get kinda a rush playing the all-knowing being. Yes. I’m coming with you. What kind of guide would I be if I just stood out here in the dingy, badly lit room?” She waved a hand. “Pick a door, let’s take a trip.”

Buffy stood back, observing each identical door, then decided to start with the obvious. Heading to the first door on the left, she hesitated only briefly, peering through the bars into black nothing, and pulled down on the heavy metal handle. The door opened easily enough and the moment she stepped through she gasped. The room brightened to reveal a garden, lush and full of bright flowers and green grasses. Fountains sprayed warm water into the air and dribbled it back down into softly babbling brooks that wound throughout the grounds. Frogs hopped onto lily pads while goldfish swam among the reeds. Rabbits bound through the grasses, playing tag merrily while bluebirds sang in the trees.

“Okay…I’m getting a distinctive Snow White vibe here. I’m not going to burst into song again, am I?” she asked herself, turning around in amazement.

“Nope. Think of this sorta like the Holodeck on Star Trek. And then blame Xander later on when you realize his sci-fi knowledge has crept into your pop culture references.”

“So…what? My destiny is to live on the set of The Sound of Music? That’s fun. I don’t see the Nazi’s though…”

“That’s because your destiny, one of the choices, anyway…is over there.” Buffy Two pointed off into the distance.

Buffy turned slowly and her eyes widened. Sitting on a cement park bench was Joyce Summers.

“Mom?” Buffy whispered, half joyfully, half doubting. Joyce smiled and waved Buffy over.

“Buffy,” her mother smiled warmly as her eldest daughter approached. She opened her arms and Buffy flew into them, inhaling her mother’s familiar scent as she buried her face in Joyce’s blouse.

“Mom… My God… How?”

“You, sweetheart. You brought me here. Well, the other you,” she nodded at Buffy Two, who was sitting in the grass making daisy chains, smiling nonchalantly at the reunion. “Isn’t it pretty here? Like a Disney film.”

“I said the same thing,” Buffy told her as they sat on the bench. She hugged her mother again. “God, mom…I can’t get over this. I miss you so much…every day.”

“I miss you too, Buffy,” she said, wrapping an arm around her daughter. “But I look in on you…I’ve seen the woman my daughter has become. I’m so proud of you, honey.”

“You…you can see us?”

“Sometimes…not always. You deserve your privacy and there are some things a mother should just never, ever know about. But sometimes, when I get lonely for you…I take a peek. Make sure you’re doing okay. I watch Dawn growing up, you being the mother for her that she needs, not to mention her friend. In a way, nothing better could have happened to her, Buffy. My death brought you two together in a way my living never could have.”

Buffy didn’t know what to say to that and Joyce smiled and closed her eyes, basking in the warm breeze as the sun lit on her face. When she opened them again she turned to her daughter. “You’ve got a choice to make, Buffy.”

Buffy’s eyes fell downward. “I know. Choose my destiny. Do you think it’s like in those books, “Choose Your Own Adventure?” If I don’t like the ending, I can just flip back and take the other route?”

“Somehow I doubt it,” her mother grinned.

Buffy sighed. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You have to.”

“I--I’m not sure what this all means,” she stammered. “You’re here. So does that mean my choice is to have you back? Or to stay here in the garden of Eden?”

“Yes, I suppose that’s what the choice is…the decision you’ll have to make. I don’t envy you, honey. It’s going to be hard…choosing your life’s path always is. And you…you were thrown into something without being given the choice. Being the Slayer was never something I would have wished on you. But maybe that’s why you’re getting this opportunity now. The Powers way of balancing things just a bit.”

“Gee…why don’t I feel compensated?”

Joyce squeezed Buffy’s shoulder with a chuckle. “Well, I think I can ease your mind, sweetie.” She looked seriously into the eyes of her child. “I don’t want you to choose this. Don’t choose me.”

“What?” Buffy’s eyes rounded. “Why? You…you don’t want me to be with you?”

Joyce took Buffy’s hand. “I do want that, honey, more than anything. But for selfish reasons. Reasons that don’t make any sense anymore. You’re a beautiful young woman, with her own life to lead. I’m not in that anymore… My dying forced you to be on your own. And if I came back, you wouldn’t be the same person anymore.” She looked out over the fields for a moment, almost nostalgically. “You’ve grown up, Buffy. I’m sorry that I haven’t been there to help you with that, to guide you… I’ve missed that more than you can ever know. But the fact is, you’re used to that life now. And wedging me back into it…”

“Would never be a problem, mom. You’re not an inconvenience,” Buffy assured her vehemently.

“I know, honey. And I appreciate that. But there are going to be opportunities coming along…things that will mean more to your life than this. I want that for you.”

Buffy peered at her mother. “You mean the other doors. There’s something…”

“For lack of a better word, yes, there’s something better out there for you than picking dear old mom,” Joyce grinned. “Oh, Buffy…I love you sweetie. I’ll always love you. But this isn’t what you need, honey. You have a family. I’m still part of it, just in a different way now. If I thought, for one moment, that this was the right choice I think you know me well enough to know…I’d be harping on you to choose me.”

Buffy had to smile at that, then frowned as the other Buffy approached.

“Have we decided?”

Glancing at her self, and then back to her mother, Buffy nodded as tears sprang to her eyes. “I don’t want to leave you mom,” she said suddenly, hugging Joyce tightly. Joyce’s arms came up around her daughter.

“I don’t want you to go, either, Buffy. I love you very much, honey. Tell your sister the same thing. I’ll always love you both, very much.”

Buffy nodded and squeezed her mother tightly once again before pulling away and standing up. “Now what?” she asked Buffy Two.

The girl smiled morosely. “We move on, if you’ve made up your mind.”

Buffy glanced back at her mother. “Are you sure, mom?”

“I am, honey…”

Buffy nodded and swallowed hard, turning back to her other self. “I want this, I want you, mom…but…I’m sorry.”

Joyce smiled sadly. “Don’t be, Buffy. I’m not. This is the best thing I could give you, the only thing I have left.”

With that, the light faded and the door closed. They were once again standing in the circular room.

“Door number two, then?” Buffy Two asked brightly.

Buffy glared at her and flounced to the second door. “This isn’t the fun I expected.”

“Not every door can have a new car behind it,” Buffy Two told her as they walked inside.

The room brightened and the darkness was replaced with only a slightly less dank alleyway. Buffy turned to her other self. “Well?”

“I think what you’re looking for is down…there,” Buffy Two told her, pointing to the end of the alley.

Buffy turned and heard for the first time the sounds of fighting. Moving closer she saw that her hearing was correct…a girl was fist fighting with a much larger man. “Hey!” Buffy cried, running toward them. “Leave her--”

“Got it,” Faith told her, “But thanks.” She pounded the man, a vampire, Buffy now noticed, a few more times in the face before reaching for the stake in her back pocket and ending the fight with a whirlwind of dust.

Buffy turned toward her other self. “You’re kidding me. Faith? Faith is one of my destiny options?”

“Hey…don’t knock it, sister,” Faith said tersely. “I’m a prime catch.”

“I don’t believe this,” Buffy muttered.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to. ‘Cause I’m pretty sure the plan isn’t for you and me to run off for a commitment ceremony in Hawaii. We share something in common…and that, my friend, is your choice.”

“Slaying? I suddenly have a choice in that?”

“You always have, B, and you know it. You didn’t have to do this, you could have just up and stopped. Heard you tried a few times, but that big ole conscience of yours gets in the way. Makes you do the greater good, even when your heart isn’t in it.” Faith paced, circling the Buffy’s in the dark alley.

Buffy couldn’t deny it…that first year in Sunnydale she’d wanted to quit, but she’d gone on to face the Master. After killing Angel, the single hardest thing she’d ever done in her Slayer-tenure, she’d run away. Away from her life, from slaying, from who she really was. But she came back and faced it. And then…dying and being brought back. If that hadn’t taken out her will to slay, to be Buffy Summers, she didn’t know what would have. And yet here she was. Again.

Buffy turned and headed down the alley toward the street, emerging bathed in the yellow glow of an overheard street light. She was in Sunnydale, on Main Street. Faith and Buffy Two followed. “Running away from me isn’t making the decision, B. You have to actually choose.”

“Choose what?” Buffy cried, throwing her arms out. “Suddenly now I have the choice to be the Slayer? If I don’t choose this, am I suddenly free from my indentured servitude? Am I just Girl Normal? How can I pick that? How could you, Faith? Could you pick to not be the Slayer anymore? To not have the power?”

“It’s not about power, B. You of all people should know that. Yeah, it’s a nice side effect. Gets you out of unwanted come-ons in bars, handy in dark alleys like this one, but it’s not about that.”

Buffy sighed and crossed her arms angrily. “What’s it about then, why don’t you explain it to me?”

“This isn’t about being the Slayer, exactly,” Faith told her. “It is, and it isn’t. The Slayer is you, B. Always has been, even before you got called. You were always a Potential Slayer, just like me, just like those girls we’ve been dreaming about. This is different. You and me, B, we were always a different breed from each other. You were the light half, I was the dark. We’re the same thing, but completely different. And you wanna know how? You’ve got other stuff in your life. We’re both Slayers, but I can barely hang on with just that. You…somehow you manage it all. School, jobs, friends, family…and taking on the world of demons, all at the same time.”

“I don’t make it work all the time, Faith. It’s hard. It’s harder than anyone could ever know.”

“But you do it. Day in and day out. But you don’t have to.”

Buffy eyed her skeptically. “What do you mean?”

“There was a time, girlfriend, when all Slayers were like me. No friends, no family, nothing but the hunt and the kill. Maybe a pesky Watcher to order us around, but nothing besides that.”

“And that’s what my choice is?”

Faith nodded. “I’m never going to be you, Buffy. It’s taken me how long to realize that? Took me even longer to realize that while it works for you to have the golden life, that’s just not me, and I don’t want it to be. I don’t deal well in the social area.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow. “Really.”

Faith grinned. “I know, who woulda guessed? The point is, sweetcakes, you can give it all up, if you want. You pick me, this lifestyle, and you can have it just like that.”

“No friends, no family,” Buffy muttered. “You want me to just give it all up and be nothing but the Slayer? No thanks. Lonely. Boring.”

“It can be, probably would be for you, knowing all that you’d given up. But…you wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t what?”

“Wouldn’t know. Everything, all of this, Willow, Xander, Angel…me…Dawn… You wouldn’t remember any of it. We’d go back to when you were first Called, and all you’d remember is giving up the parents who were constantly arguing and making you miserable. Giving up that Cordelia-like life you had in LA before heading up north to good old Sunnydale.”

“I…I wouldn’t remember them? Like it never happened?”

“Never happened.”

Buffy stared at her, blinking after a long pause. Faith shrugged. “Your life would be real different, that’s for sure. No pesky friendships to get in the way, no Scoobies to worry about saving each night on patrol. You and me, B. Just you and me. Slaying and doing what we do best. Living the life until one of us bites it and the next one’s brought in.”

“But…what about everything that’s going on now? The Potentials? The First?”

Faith titled her head. “The big showdown will still happen, but not in our lifetime. We wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.”

Buffy stared at her a moment longer before glancing at Buffy Two, then looking away from them both. There was the Magic Box, Giles shop, then Anya’s, before Willow had destroyed it last year. Her home for so many years, the new library once they’d hit college years. Her gaze shifted and fell on the bridal shop, where she’d gazed at wedding gowns longingly in the brief hours she’d been engaged to Spike. And there was the coffee shop where she and Willow used to over-caffinate on mochas after school, where she and Angel used to meet before patrols. The Sunnydale movie theater was dark, closed for the evening, but in her mind she saw it lit up brightly, advertising on the marquee, popcorn scattered on the sidewalk. She and Xander had seen her first movie in Sunnydale there, together. Years ago now…

“You know I can’t,” Buffy told Faith finally.

“Can’t what?”

“Can’t give them up. Any of this.”

“Even when it means we don’t have to deal with the First,” Faith stated woodenly. “Even when it means your life would actually be easier for the first time since you got Called. When it means that right now we’ll both wake up from this crazy dreamland your subconscious has created and we’ll be walking through some cemetery, waiting for some vamps to get rumbly with us.”

Buffy nodded slowly.

Faith grinned. “Good girl.” She glanced at Buffy Two. “Now get outta here. I got some quality sleep I wanna get in before we get rescued.”

Buffy and Buffy Two stepped out of the room and back into the chamber. “That one wasn’t so hard,” Buffy Two observed.

“Let’s just get on with this,” Buffy grumbled, heading for the third door.

“Whatever you say, boss.”

They opened the door and Buffy hesitated just briefly before stepping inside. The room, like the others had before it, brightened the moment they stepped inside and Buffy found herself in familiar surroundings.

“What are we doing here?” she demanded.

“Well, hello there beautiful,” Spike grinned.

Chapter 41 (NC-17 rating)
Back
Home