Night Of The Parakeet

Every evening I have to endure an unnatural and degrading ritual. I am removed from my bedroom, along with my food and litter box, while my person allows the parakeets to fly. That’s right, I said parakeets.

I have been forced to live in harmony with two parakeets since I was adopted at five weeks old. They are annoying little creatures, always chirping and singing while I try to have a nap. I was told by Willow (she’s such an obnoxious cat, I hate her) that I am supposed to eat them. I really don’t see how since I’m not allowed within five feet of the stove. And besides that my people say “Paws down!” every time I try to touch one, so my odds weren’t looking good. Until last Thursday.

My person had kicked me out and closed the door, but I could hear Sunny and Christabel flapping around in there. I stood guard outside as always, but I didn’t really believe that I would ever have a shot. Then quite unexpectedly my person opened the door for something, never noticing that I was there. And just like that, I was in!

I saw right away that Christabel was the one. She doesn’t fly. Actually it’s more like she bounces off the walls. This was going to be easy. Just as I lunged for her my person saw me and wrestled me to the floor. I squeaked in protest but she wasn’t letting me go.

That’s when it happened. Christabel is apparently not only unable to fly, but stupid as well. She landed right on the side of my persons head and hung there like an ornament! It was beautiful! All I had to do was wriggle free and reach my paw up. I was sure that finally I had caught something. But no. Just as I started to grab Christabel my person made her flap away.

Now I was upset. I tried valiantly to escape, but it was no use. My person scooped me up and marched me out of the room. She was holding me so tightly I thought I might have a cracked rib! I tried to act pitiful to make her understand that I craved fresh parakeet. She ignored my protests and closed the door in my face.

Since that night I have been thinking a lot about Sunny and Christabel, trying to find a purpose for their existence. I have come to a conclusion. There isn’t one. The feather faces are useless! I’m going to figure out how to unlatch the cage door and when I do it’s bye bye birdies! Just as soon as I learn how to turn on the stove….

~by Dynamo~