Guess it's true what they say about love
It's blind
A year and a half out of my life was spent with him. I never thought I could be so much in love with someone until I fell for him and it just felt right. I would have done anything for him, all he had to do was ask. I would have given him anything if he had asked. I used to think we were meant to be. That there was no one else in this world more perfect for me than him. All the things we shared, all the things we did, everything is gone now. We were perfect together with our good times and our bad times but none of that matters now it’s all gone.
I was too blind to see what was really going on with him. And when I finally realized that he wasn’t being honest with me it was already too late, no matter what I was going to get hurt. But when you love someone so much you don’t want to believe that they could do something to hurt you. It was inevitable; I knew eventually this perfect relationship was going to go sour. I just prayed that all my theories about love and about relationships would disappear because I was with him and he was different. Or at least I thought he was different.
I remember that day like it was yesterday because I never cried so much in my life. Even though I was the one to walk away from him, I was still hurt. Of course I was going to be hurt, the one person I loved more than anything, and the one person I would do anything for had hurt me. How are you not supposed to be hurt?
I had no idea how long it was going on or if it was just that one night when I had saw him. I didn’t want to do it; I didn’t want to walk away from him. But he had been with another girl, and even though for the longest time I was in denial about it, I knew sooner or later I had to do something or I would just keep getting lied to and continue to get hurt by him. So I took action, probably by far the hardest thing I ever had to do.
"Are you serious?" He asked me in disbelief.
I slowly moved my eyes up to look him in the eyes. Tears streaming down my face as I shook my head.
"Why?"
"I know." I whispered.
"Know what?"
I laughed lightly and shook my head again.
"Stacy I don’t know what you are talking about."
"It’s ok Nick, you don’t have to understand."
"I love you." He said his eyes pleading with me.
I smiled. Those words. Those three little words made my knees weak. I lost my train of thought thinking about him saying that to me, just the way he said it made me melt. I was so in love with him; did I have the strength to walk away from him? I was so blinded by love it was crazy. This was going to be harder than I thought.
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me, again
"How can you do this, again?" I asked him in disbelief.
"I don’t know what you are talking about."
"How can you stand there and just lie to me like that? What happened to you saying that you would never do anything to hurt me? Well surprise Nick, this is something that hurts."
"What?" He asked confused.
I shook my head, I was tired of this. He never noticed or acknowledged the fact that he has hurt me. "It’s over, Nick." I said quietly staring at him.
"What? Why? You said that before and it wasn’t what makes this time different." He asked as a smirk formed.
"You don’t care about me, you don’t love me. It just took me a little longer to really understand that."
"I do love you." He said getting closer to me.
I stepped back. "Nick, you don’t, if you did you wouldn’t be able to lie to me. It’s over." I said sighing. I had to get away from him before he did something to reel me back in. I knew this was going to be better for me, even though I was walking away from the one person I loved more than life itself.
Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless, watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me
I stood there listening to him beg and plead with me not to do this. Part of me wanted to tell him I’d give him another chance but then the other part was telling me this has happened more than once and it just has to stop. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t take the "I love yous" and then the lies. I couldn’t take being in love with someone who didn’t feel the same as me, when I thought he did feel the same.
I didn’t say anything as I walked out of his house. I didn’t turn around I just walked to my car and drove off, without as much as a goodbye. I began to drive home tears blinding my vision as I replayed in my mind what just happened, what I just did. I didn’t want to regret it. It was over for real. He was never going to get another chance to love me; I wouldn’t do that to myself again. I was better than that and I deserved better than him. I deserved someone who could be honest with me and love me.
Wish like hell I could go back in time
Maybe then I could see how...
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try
But it's too late, it's over now
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me
Again
I sat in my room staring into space; I didn’t even realize I was crying. So many thoughts were running through my head a mile a minute. I couldn’t help the thoughts, telling me I should call him and forgive him give him another chance. As bad as I wanted to turn back time and as bad as I wanted him back in my life, I didn’t. It’s too late. He had his chance to change things, but he didn’t he remained the same so I had to be the one to change things.
As I sat there I realized that my heart was probably never going to heal after this. And Nick was never going to be in life anymore. If he only knew how much I loved him. All the things I would have done, I would have given my life up for him.
But now I’m done with being sad and lonely. That would get me nowhere. All I have to do is pick myself up and move on. I promised myself that I’d cry one more time and then I’d be done with dwelling in what happened and I would stop wondering if I did the right thing. It’s over, no more thinking about it. He was out of my life and I couldn’t help the fact that I still loved him. But he didn’t love me enough, and he’s never going to get to love me again. Never again.
Would have given up my life for you