July 15, 2001
Chad came home Thursday night at 10:30. I went to the airport to pick him up with his mom. She didn't see him at all the whole time he was gone. We went back to his mom's and they talked a little bit. Then we went to my house b/c it was kinda late. We were both tired. We got up early Friday morning to go to Warrensburg so he could sign up for classes but they were too busy and he couldn't come in. I think that's b.s. b/c that was his only chance to go. He has to work 'active duty' still starting Monday for 30 days. We had breakfast in the park Friday and we lounged at home together some, took a short nap, and went out to go to a movie. But on the way...we stopped by his Guard place (the military) at the airport. Well they told him he has to work this weekend for 'drill weekend.' I was not happy and Chad was pissed too. They even told him that he was supposed to be there Friday at 7:00am, meaning he would've had no time off. So right now he is at work, and yesterday he had to go too. It sucks b/c your b/f has been gone all these months, and you just want to go out and do things together and you can't.
Friday night though, we ate at Outback and didn't end up going to a movie. We went to his house, his Dad's. His step-mom and step-sister were there blah blah blah..I don't feel comfortable around them. We went out on the lake, on their new boat. Chad went wakeboarding and swimming. But we still went back to my house later. Last night, we went to eat at a place we always go to around here, and saw the movie "A.I."
Meanwhile..... my mom has been doing really bad. Which is another part of my life that I've written about in here a little bit. I know I have gotten some letters about it... She drinks alot....
July 2, 2001
I'm writing this in June. I don't feel like making a July page yet. I have things to write about last weekend, about my birthday, and Chad. He came to see me. Now, he's gone and I'm sad. I don't want it to sound like that, I really am depressed. I can't believe he was just here and now I'm alone and he's far away. YES, he's coming home NEXT THURSDAY but I still don't have to like being alone. After being treated so nice, I hate to be alone again. I miss cuddling with him and giving each other sweet little kisses. We weren't too sickening. We don't make out in public like some people. But anyway, he left this morning at 4. We woke up at 3, but he kept laying there putting off getting up. I made sure to stay awake so he wouldn't fall asleep and get back late. But when he left, I cried like a big baby. It sucked having to say goodbye again and watch him drive away.... and in the middle of the night. But I knew that I had to get up in a few hours, at 6:30, so I couldn't think about it all night. The bad thing is, I couldn't fall back asleep. I was up till at least five. Then I woke up at six. I felt all 'pressured' to sleep so I could get up at 6:50 (i reset it to give me more minutes, like it matters) so I couldn't sleep, all pressured. I do that sometimes, when I have to get up for something. When I finally was in a nice sleep it was time to get up, this time at 7:15. I was at work, on time, at eight.
I had said I was getting used to being alone, away from Chad. But whenever I'm around him, I hate saying goodbye. It doesn't matter how long we have been apart. It still 'breaks my heart.' I am alone all the time. I say it's okay and I don't want to be around anyone or I don't need anyone, need any friends. But with him it's different. I love being around him. We were together just two days and now I feel all lonely.
I will have to write about this weekend but a lot of it is personal so there's not a whole lot left to say. My b-day was yesterday. He wanted it to be special, he didn't want me to be alone. Just being here was enough.
June 23, 2001
Well someone signed my guestbook and said to update this. I didn't really think anyone read anything..... I started my 'full time' summer job. I have to be at work at 8 so I have been really tired at night. The past two nights I have gone to bed around 10. This isn't me at all. I hate mornings. I don't like to sleep till noon (unless I've been up all night) but I would like to get a good night's sleep till nine or something. It has been a big change for me. I always picked classes that were later and everything because I know how I am. I would just sleep in and skip class. But since when Chad comes back...in three weeks...(smile) he will be going everyday from 7-4 for more military stuff. I wanted to be on the same schedule so we can catch up on all of our lost time. He says he is going to stay here when he comes back.
Well, to all of the people in long distance relationships and military boyfriends.... I was really upset about it at first. I was writing long letters in the mail everyday. I missed him. Bootcamp was the hardest...barely any contact. But anyway, I have had to get over being alone. I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't have any true, good friends anymore to hang out with so these pasts five months have been SO BORING. Most people aren't in that sort of situation so they could handle it better. But, now I email him everyday and we talk on the phone. I can leave him a message on his cell phone, which gives me more freedom, b/c I can call him up to just say hi or whatever. I can't really explain it but I have gotten used to this. I don't like him being gone and I want him to come back but ... maybe I am just not as dependent as I used to be or something.
I work a summer camp program, the kids are grades 3-6, and I'm in a 4th grade room with 'the mean teacher,' as one of the kids said. She is my age, yet she acts like a crabby old lady. No one likes her and she is SO bossy. I don't know how much longer I can take her telling me what to do. She isn't my boss. She's the 'homeroom teacher.' But she needs to get off her butt and do something too, like actually play with the kids or something.
Nothing else is going on. My birthday is July 1st. But my birthday is going to suck. I am not going to do anything. I don't have anyone to spend it with. My boyfriend wants to meet half way between here and Texas, in a small town. But the way his schedule is and I have to work Monday morning... it would be a short visit. Part of Sat. and part of Sunday, my birthday. I wish he was going to be here for my birthday. I know we would have a good time.
I did drive two weeks ago to the college we are supposed to go to. It was 3 hours away...the way I drove...I drove there and back in a day and signed up for classes. I had to go there before I started my new job. But I am requesting off for the day he comes back....July 13th.