Jim Kai Bu vs, Kung-Fu Fred Astaire
Characters:
Jim Kai-Bu
Robin (From the 60's Batman
Kung-Fu Fred Astaire
Scene 1 (Room with giant vat of wax [podium])
FRED: Wax! (Grabs vat of wax, runs off.)
Scene 2 (Street)
JIM (Pointing upwards): Look, Robin! The Kai-Bu signal!
ROBIN: Meow!
JIM: Yes, I should check the BatCom...er Kai-buCom. My God! Someone has stolen the worldÕs largest vat of wax!
ROBIN: Meow!
JIM: But who?
ROBIN: Meow.
JIM (Starts dancing): Okay, I'll dance, but I don't know what this will accom... ThatÕs it! Kung-Fu Fred Astaire! I thought he was in prison.
ROBIN: Meow, meow, meow.
JIM: He escaped? But Robin, why didn't you tell me earlier?
ROBIN: Meow....
JIM: We have no time for hygiene. Quick, to the manicurist!
NARRATOR.: Will our heroes ever catch Kung-Fu Fred Astaire? Why has Robin turned into a cat?
ROBIN: Meow!
NARRATOR: What will Kung-Fu Fred Astaire do with all that wax?
ROBIN: Meow meow...
JIM: No, Robin, that's wax, not a podium
NARRATOR: Find out next time on Jim Kai-Bu, English Ninja Master!
Scene 3 (The manicurist)
JIM: Boy, my nails look good in red!
ROBIN: Meow
JIM: We must get back on the track of Fred.
ROBIN: Meow
JIM: Yes, I suppose I did make a rhyme, but that's not important now.
ROBIN: Meow
JIM: That is a feasible idea, but I think the wax...
ROBIN: Me-
JIM: Not a podium! But, anyway... He stole it to take up to the top of Mt. Everest and pour it over the entire world!
ROBIN: Meow?
JIM: Because he's an evil, evil man. I'd go after him but... (Points to severed arm and sobs.)
ROBIN: Meow!
JIM: Yes, I could use my chamelionic powers! (Regrows arm) Quick! To Mt. Everest!
NARRATOR: Will they ever make it to Mt. Everest? Will they stop Kung- Fu Fred Astaire's evil plan? Who really is that vat of wax? What dark secrets lurk in the deep, dark crevices of it's mind. Boy, IÕd like to get that vat of wax back to my manicurist for a little...
ROBIN: Meow!
JIM: Dear God. Robin! That language is inappropriate for this situation!
NARRATOR:Find out next time on Jim Kai-Bu, Vegas Showgirl!
Scene 4 (Foothills of Everest)
JIM: So here we are- Everest!
ROBIN: Meow!
JIM: No, I don't think he'll try and attack us. (FRED enters, JIM walks up to him)
JIM: Oh my God! Mr. Astaire, I am your biggest fan!
ROBIN: Meow!
JIM: No, this isn't Kung-Fu...(Fred hits him)
FRED: You will fall to my tap minions! (Evil laugh. Shoes are thrown on from offstage.)
JIM: You're throwing....Shoes! Hm... How exactly were you planning on killing us?
FRED: It's always worked before. You shoes are fired! Screw the shoe union! (Runs off)
ROBIN: Meow?
JIM: Yes, there is a shoe union.
NARRATOR: Will Jim foil the evil plot? Shoe union? What's up with that?
ROBIN: Meow.
NARRATOR: That's what I thought. Find out next time on Jim Kai-Bu, Southern Plantation Owner
Scene 5 (Top of Everest)
FRED (To podium): Well, my little floor wax, after I pour you over the entire world, the sun will beat down and blind everyone as I dance through the streets, spreading my evil mischief. (ROBIN and JIM enter)
JIM: But...That's just...Evil!
FRED: A duel, a duel for the world....And the wax! (Evil laugh)
ROBIN: Meow!
JIM: It's not a podium!
FRED: You realize that you're talking to a cat.
That's not a cat, that's a podium- I mean, Robin! Quickly, Robin, my katana!
(Sword thrown on stage)
FRED: Your powers are weak, old man.
JIM: Why does everyone think that I'm old?
FRED: You are!
JIM: I am the Highlander, I am immortal!
FRED: There can be only one.
ROBIN: Meow! (Begins to walk out)
FRED: You are going nowhere! Activate Scotty-beam! (Robin convulses)
ROBIN: I can't hold 'er together, Jim!
JIM: You'll pay for this, Astaire! (Cuts off his head. Lights flash.)
ROBIN: The warp core is about to blow!
JIM: Then we must go cut off another man's head and watch the blue lights go into my mouth.
NARRATOR: Is Jim really the Highlander? Why can't there be two? What's with Robin now? Find out next time on Jim Kai-Bu, inflatable lover!
Fin
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