* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kari got her things together and drove the 15 minutes over to the Land of Stupid School Related Activities. She hated the marching band scene. To her, it was all about just playin her music and meetin up with super hot mans at band camp. She pulled up to the field and walked over to where they usually stand before practicing but something was wrong. No one was around.
"Where the fugg is everybody?" Kari thought to herself. She walked into the shower room and into the gym. There were no lights and she couldn't see anything. She walked about 20 feet into the gym when she felt something squishy under her feet.
"What da fugg is that?" she said out loud. She tried to step back but her feet were stuck to the ground! "What in sweet Buddha is this crazy ass shit?" she screamed. Suddenly the lights turned on and the evil band teacher Mr. McAsslicker approached the frightened and enraged Kari. In the background Kari could see her other bandmates chained into a seat each being forced to play by whip cracking servants of Mr. McAsslicker.
"You're late, missy." said Mr. McAsslicker in an EEE-VIL tone.
"What the fuck is this?" Kari screamed trying to break free from the sticky glue-like shit that was on the ground.
"We've got the big game tonight and you have to practice and play! Play I tell you!" laughed the evil Mr. McAsslicker.
"I already said I have other plans, you crazy asshole! I'm not staying!" Kari screamed.
"Guards! Take her to her instrument's section. Hurry, hurry! We've wasted enough time already!" Mr. McAsslicker clapped his hands and two big buff men in tight black leather pants and vests hauled Kari off to where she would be chained and forced to play.
"How the hell am I getting myself out of this one?" Kari thought.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *
It was about an an hour before Tarapalooza was about to go on and the Party People were still running frantically around the bus trying to get things into order.
"Tara?" called Aaron.
"What?" Tara called back while in the middle of dying Dan's hair pink.
"I can't find my Hawaiian print G-string! Help me!" he cried.
"Jesus, you guys are fucking useless around here." Tara mumbled. "Ask Kiley about it, OK? I'm in the middle of something!"
"I can't find her!" Aaron whined starting to do that tiny jump thing that toddlers do when they get whiney.
"Then ask Scott!" Tara called back to him, getting frustrated.
"He's not around here either!"
Dan looked up at Tara with a huge grin and Tara made a sound like "Grrr."
"You know where to find em." Dan laughed. "I'll clean up around here."
"Thanks, man." said Tara and ran off to the Nintendo Room where she found Kiley and Scott. "Dammit, you guys! I've got a huge fucking concert and tons of shit to do and we really need help out there and you two are Nookying!"
"Ruin a good moment." Kiley mumbled rolling her eyes.
"Sorry dude." said Scott. "You know how it is."
"Well, wutever. Have you guys seen Aaron's Hawaiian string? He needs to wear it or he'll freak out. You know him." said Tara.
Kiley and Scott exchanged looks and tried not to make eye contact with Tara.
"You sick freaks." Tara said. "All right. Um, shit! You know what, um...just uh...wash it and then give it to Aaron. Fuckin freaks. And Scott, dammit! You get ready! You go on in less then an hour!"
"Right-o." said Scott saluting Tara.
Tara exited the room in search of Matt to see if he had buffed and shined his tattoos properly.
"What a grump." Kiley said leaving for the Laundry Room.
SUDDENLY! As Dan was cleaning up the last of the pink dye off the counter something strange began to happen to his head. The pinkness started glowing in a soft beat. Like it was throbbing or something! Dan, not knowing what to do, panicked. "TARA! You guys! Seriously! Help!" he screeched like a school girl.
The Party People came running in. "What the hell is going on dude?" asked Tavis.
"Dude! My hair is like, throbbing! What's going on?" Dan freaked.
"Throbbing you say?" asked Tara.
"Yes!" Dan replied.
"Hold still." said the little Princess and put her hands on his head. She closed her eyes and concentrated. Nothing. "Shit, dude. Someone's sending you a vibe. I can't make out what it is though. You'll have to try and catch it."
"OK." said Dan uncertainly. The Party People watched as Dan closed his eyes and concentrated while keeping his hands firmly gripped to his head. (I know what you all are thinking. You bad, bad people, you.) After what seemed like 10 minutes when it was only about 6, Dan opened his eyes and lowered his hands. "Kari's in trouble! We gotta go save her!" he exclaimed. "Come on! To the Land Of Stupid School Related Activities!"
The bus pulled into where Dan pointed it to go and the Party People ran to the rescue! They busted through the gym door to see the helpless imprisoned band members being forced to play music. Kari caught sight of her homies and stopped. "Dudes! You got my vibe! Killer!" she squealed, happy that she was going to be rescued.
"Guards! Seize them!" shouted Mr. McAsslicker. (heehee. Always wanted to say that)
The Party People wasted no time and took straight to action as if it was a Jackie Chan flick. Tara busted out her 5th Element moves and flipped and punched her way over to the helpless band members. She landed a really cool double back flip right next to where Kari was at.
"Dude," said Tara, "how do I get you's guys outta here?"
"Mr. McAsslicker." said Kari. "He's got the remote control for the locks and shite. He's a tough guy though. You better be careful."
"It's all good." Tara smiled and went back to work. She ran up next to Dan and told him how to free the kids.
"Why do I have to do it?" he asked.
"Cuz it's Kari's story and you get to be the hero today." Tara said running to help Scott fight off an evil guard.
"I'm the hero today! Yeah!" Dan thought gaining courage as he sneaked up behind Mr. McAsslicker. SUDDENLY! McAsslicker swiftly turned to face him!
"One more step and I fry your little trombone sucking girlfriend!" McAsslicker said evily while showing Dan that his finger was on the "FRY DAN'S TROMBONE SUCKING GIRLFRIEND" button on the remote.
"You wouldn't!" said Dan not moving.
"Oh you don't think so, do you?" said McAsslicker. "Now move aside!"
Dan slowly backed away and Aaron (being such a silly guy) accidentally sneezed on McAsslicker. The sickened teacher turn around in disgust. "That's disgusting!" he yelled at Aaron.
"Sorry dude." Aaron laughed. "DAN! NOW!"
Dan nodded and kicked McAsslicker in the butt and he fell flat on his ugly ass licking face. "Take this you scum!" Dan shouted and his pink hair started glowing again! A huge beam of pink shot up out of his head and through the ceiling!
"Woah, dude!" said everyone in the gym.
Then Dan chanted some magic words to finish off the teacher. "Ping pong ding dong shlong! Mele Kalikimaka!" he screamed and pointed his head at the teacher and McAsslicker exploded into nothing.
"Hooray for Dan!" everyone said gleefully.
Dan took a bow or two. "Thank you, thank you!"
All the children were freed and Kari ran to Dan and there was hugege. I mean a hug. No ege.
"My hero!" said Kari.
Everyone clapped.
Matt sneezed.
Aaron said "Bless you."
Matt said "Thank you."
Aaron said "You're welcome."
Everybody exited the gym.
"This is such an awful land." said Kari. "It's not safe."
"Then I propose we kill it." said Dan.
"Yeah!" said Kari.
Then her and Dan whipped out their trombones and played ever so loudly and the Land of Stupid School Related Activities exploded. All that was left was the patch of land and some unicorns running through it.
"Now, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing, but unicorns kick ass." said Dan.
"They sure do." said Kari.
Kiley glanced at her trusty watch. "Oh, crap you guys! We gotta get outta here! Tarapalooza starts in ten minutes!" she shouted running back to the Magic Tour Bus.
The Party People got on the bus. "Ten minutes." said Dan to Kari.
"Eh, that'll be enough." said Kari and they scampered off to Dan's bunk for some 10 minute Hot Nooky.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was 4am about 2 days after Tarapalooza started and the Party People lie all tuckered out on the floor of the castle.
"That...was...fucking....awsome." said Tara rubbing her eyes.
"What? The concert or the Hot Nooky?" said Tavis smiling.
"Oh, you." Tara giggled.
Skaboom walked in. (they ARE in the Land of Severe Rocking Out castle here!) "Hey, everyone! Rise and shine!" he said happily as usual.
"Rise and shine?" said Carlos. "It's only 4am!"
"Yeah dude, but remember we still got the post concert bash!" Skaboom said.
"More partying?" said Scott wearily.
"More partying." said Kiley rolling on her side.
"Well, shit. I better go get started on my hair." said Aaron. "Gotta look like Morissey....Morissey."
"You likey my band the Skamigos?" asked Dan to Tara.
"You rocked. Now let me sleep." Tara said snuggling into Tavis.
"Sorry about my trombone lips, Kari." said Dan. "It's been a long few days."
"All the better dude. All the better." Kari laughed and fell asleep.
~*~*~THE END~*~*~