The following testimonials are true stories told from people all around the world who have encountered the evil aliens.
Billy Bob in Rogers, Arkansas writes:
"Late one night last week, my goat, sister, and I were all gettin' ready fer bed, when I heard this noise comin' from the kitchen. When I went to look at what it was, I seen five or six of these blue alien things circlin' ma' warsh board. They were screamin' somethin bout' needin red socks fer a monkey's butt or somethin'. Thinkin that they might harm ma' goat I stayed out of it and went back ta bed. Ain't nobody gonna touch ma' goat"
Grelanda the traveling psychic had this tale~
"One night about a month ago I was peering into my crystal ball trying to get Friday night's lottery numbers, when the transfer was interrupted. This happens quite often to Grelanda, so I thought it was nothing. When I tried to reconnect an image of a giant sock monkey appeared. It spoke to me saying 'warn your people that I will take over before they know what hits them!' The words were like ice. Beware these monkeys!!!"
Jack from New Mexico told me this story~
"It was early in the morning sometime last month. It was almost time for me to get ready for work. I went to the dryer to get a pair of clean socks, that's when I discovered that all of my left socks were gone. My left socks have been going missing for years, but never have they all been taken at once like this. I checked my top drawer-nothing was there but some dirty right socks. That night I set up a video camera to tape what happened while I was sleeping. When I viewed the video cassette I was shocked and horrified to see little men running back and forth from my laundry room to the kitchen. Sure enough they had stolen all of my left socks and my beer, too. Those bastards, if I ever catch them I'm going to tear their insides out!" *Note-Soon after Jack told me this story, he was found in a dryer at the laundromat, naked and mumbling about "the little blue guys"
The next story was sent to me from Jennifer in California:
OK, so we were having this big New Year's Eve party at my friend Tim's house. Well I went to use the bathroom. As I got up to wash my hands I glanced in the mirror and saw a sock monkey sitting on the shelf where the bath towels were. I looked behind me and nothing was there. Then we were talking in the living room when I saw two baby sock monkeys jumping up and down behind my friend, then they disappeared! Those freakin monkeys are going to drive me insane! Paranoia? I think not.
Linsday sent me this testimony:
I was waking up at dawn like usual to go out and herd my rabbits when I asked my goat butler, "Can you get me some socks?" and my goat butler started to cry and said, "Maaaaaaa maaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!" So, I started freaking out, naturally... I couldn't believe little monkeys came in my own house and stole my left socks. They held my goat butler up for all of his left socks, and when my goat butler handed them a right sock, they raped him like, well... a goat.
Caitlin who wishes to remain anonymous sent this in:
Subj: (no subject)
dear catgirl1498, woah have i gottan experience for you... i was out plucking chickens this past snowy saturday when i realized i forgot to hang my socks out to dry with the rest of my laundry. im too big, fat, and lazy to fix me mistake and do it myself, so i called up my good ol faithful friend Ms. Cheezemonkey and told her that she owed me a favor and had to come hang my socks to dry for me. she was quite reluctant until i showed her the black mail pictures of what she liked to do to little, innocent, unsuspecting clowns in red suits just lying on her bed. she came tearing over and was just exited as could be about hanging my socks. i went back to work pluckin my chickens when five minutes later i heard Ms. Cheezemonkey scream. At first i thought she finally found the source of that foul stench that everyone smells at second lunch (oops!), but as i ran in faster than a constipaded weiner dog, i found that all my socks had been abducted. there were ice cream truck tracks leading out the back door. Cheezemonkey kept mumbling to things: pistachio ice cream and little blue men. I know she wasn't talkin about Eiffel 65 so it could only be one thing...................... The Bagel's Secret Admirerer
Got a testimony? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll post it A.S.A.P