THE WIFE AND PASTOR

A once devoted wife goes to her pastor and says "I'm divorcing my husband". "What grounds do you have"? the pastor asks. "We have two acres", the woman responds. "No, you don't understand, do you have a grudge"? the pastor asks. "Oh yes, that's where we park our cars", the woman says. The pastor, getting a little frustrated, asks "Does he beat you up"? "No", she responds, "I usually am up before he is". "Well", says the pastor, "what I'm trying to ask you is why are you getting a divorce"? "Oh!" She says with total comprehension, "My husband and I just can't seem to communicate with each other".

A LITTLE GIRL

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,   "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"     As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes     dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed Herself off, and started running again.   As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!...But please don't shove me either."

Wedding Colors

Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said.... "So why is the groom wearing black?"

A TALK WITH GOD
 

I was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking up at the clouds when I decided to talk to God. "God," I said, "how long is a million years?" God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute." Then I asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?" God answered, "To me, it's a penny."   So I asked, "God, can I have a few pennies?" God answered, "In a minute."

TE PREACHER AND HIS DAUGHTER
 

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father  always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting  his sermon.  One day she asked him why.     "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so  observant of his mesages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me  preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.

QUIET IN CHURCH

A mother was giving instructions to her three children as  she sent them into Sunday school, "And, why is it necessary to  be quiet in church?"     Her son quickly responded, "Because people are sleeping!"

THE PRIEST AND THE BOY

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

The lady and her neighbor

An elderly lady was well known for her faith and for her Boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front Porch and shout PRAISE THE LORD! Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at Her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance.. She stood on her porch and Shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD.. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a Large bag of groceries and shouted, "Praise the Lord." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Ha..Ha. I Told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries. God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and Saying, "Praise the Lord, He not only sent me groceries but HE made The devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"