Here's a few jokes for ya'll

Enjoy!!!!

The Clinton Stamp

When Bill Clinton completed 5 years of his Presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So he instructed Hillary, stressing that it should be of international quality.

The stamps were duly released and Clinton was pleased. But within a couple of days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious.

He called Hillary and ordered her to investigate the matter. Hillary checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Clinton. She said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is, people are spitting on the wrong side."

Train Travel

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower. In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?" The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, " I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married," The man says happily, "OK!" AWESOME!" The woman says, "GOOD ..NOW get your own damn blanket"!

2 MOTHS

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him. I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator. "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked. "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied. "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."

JOB INTERVIEW

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

BIG TEXAN BABY

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the house because, he announces his wife has just produced "a typical Texas baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" are heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Ten pounds." The bartender is puzzled, concerned. "Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth." The Texan takes a slow swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

GRANNY AINT AS YOUNG AS SHE USED TO BE

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They  were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."   "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."   "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."    "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say........  Should we get naked?"     And they stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.   "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,   "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago!"    "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.  "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!"

MILDRED

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

"Jigsaw Quandry"

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

Check back later for more laughs!!!

Heaven's Gate