You are now 16 years old and I want you to know that I love you and am proud to have you as my grandson. We have had many "talks" as you were growing up and I thank you for the patience you have shown in listening to this older woman. I am reasonably certain that on many occasions you may have been too young to understand. You are rapidly approaching full manhood and I think it might be appropriate to outline my observed definition of a man. I have devoted some time to these thoughts over the years. Hopefully you might see fit to refer to this effort in the future, particularly during times when you find it difficult to cope with a situation. I have been through many such times as woman, none as man, and will be delighted to review some of them with you should you so desire, either now or in the future.
Happy Birthday! Ben, I love you and know that you may live to have a grandson of who you can be as proud as I am of you. I also hope that by that time you will have lived and proven these ideals to yourself and will pass them on to your own children and grandchildren!
TO MY GRANDSON Being a man has nothing to do with gender, physical strength, education, superior intelligence, race, color or creed. A man is a responsible and honorable individual. He is responsible in all of his duties and activities, including any sexual activities before marriage, and is faithful to his wife and family after marriage. He is honorable in all of his dealing and relationships with others. He is respectful of all women and will treat them as he would have other men treat his sister. He will have confidence in is own ability while recognizing his limitations. He will respect himself as a worthwhile person, for if he does not respect himself, it is certain that no one else will respect him. He will do his best in each and every endeavor, whether it be his job or his avocation. It will be known that his word is as good as his bond and that his handshake is equivalent to a signed contract. He is responsive to the desires of his family, to the needs of his friends and community and to the welfare of all. He will support his spiritual beliefs, donate to responsible charities and defend his country. Should he find himself in a position subject to political or other pressure, he will not prostitute himself and bow to the pressure. His rewards will be in knowing that he has done his job well and in respect and recognition from his peers, not in financial remuneration. A man will realize that there are many who are more intelligent, but understands that hard work can negate the difference in I. Q. He fears no man for he knows no man is his superior, even though he might hold a superior position. He is respectful to all men, regardless of position or education, for he realizes that he can learn something from every person. Incentive will drive him to strive for perfection, but he is not jealous of those whose work is superior, for he will know that he has not worked hard enough. Thus he will increase his efforts in the future. He will not hesitate to ask for advice when indicated, nor will he resent constructive criticism. A man cannot be led. He will make his own decisions and act accordingly. He will anticipate change and seek out a challenge. He will be the first to admit, and laugh at, his own mistakes. He will recognize early in life that organization is essential, whether it refers to time, thought or business structure. Should he be in a position to have employees, and if they are loyal and dedicated, he will fight for them as if there were his family. A man should vehemently react, perhaps with next to violence, against any attack upon his character, credit rating or reputation, he knows that, regardless of what he may accumulate in life, his good name and reputation are the most important assets he will ever attain. These are attributes that he has worked years to establish and for which he will be willing to fight. These are intangible things which cannot get regained without many years of hard work, if at all. A man is never arrogant or conceited. He know his faults and failings better than anyone else and will be the first to admit them...not just justify them. A man is self-disciplined. He has the drive and incentive to work for what he wants in life. He will stand on his own two feet, yet he is not too proud to accept advice and help when the occasion arises. Such a man will be successful, regardless of his trade or profession. He will be respected by his peers, his friends and community. And he will have food on the table for his family. Unfortunately, he will occasionally make enemies who are jealous of his success, and who will often inflict anguish through deliberately spreading irresponsible gossip and vicious lies. A man will not take revenge in return, aware that they are making their own bed in which they must sleep, for every man must make his own bed. In summary, if we cannot control our own destiny, we can at least have the incentive and drive to do the best we can in whatever endeavor we undertake. And, in this event, destiny will usually see that we receive adequate care, happiness, and financial remuneration.
***A man must do what he deems to be right, Grand Mom... rell
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