PWL BIGTIME WRESTLING

MONDAY, DECEMBER 23rd, 2002 - ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.

Your Announcers: MIKE HOFFMAN and GENE WEST.

Match Number One:
ENCYCLOPEDIA and CHARLIE BRAWN (with Lew E. Brawn) defeated T-BOY and DWAYNE (with Bubba Shakespeare) in 7'20" when Encyclopedia pinned Dwayne. After the match, Bubba demanded a rematch, which was granted in an altered form for next week's show: Bubba, T-Boy, and Dwayne will wrestle Encyclopedia, Charlie, and LIZZ Brawn. Fans seemed to be rooting for the Brawns in this feud.

Match Number Two:
"Magic Feet" WATT DAVIS defeated SUPER HORNET (with Sweet Daddy Williams) by disqualification in 6'54" when Super Heavy charged the ring to help Hornet beat down Davis. Fortunately, Davis was saved by his fellow Watt (Shroyer). The two Watts chased off the Super H's, to a raucous ovation from the audience.

Match Number Three:
SWAMI YOGANTI toyed mercilessly with an obviously dazed and confused X-RAY. The devious Swami polished off X-Ray in 6'36" with a piledriver and pinfall. Yoganti then took the microphone: "Why did I just do that? Why is this person here a battered, crumpled heap on the mat? It's not that I don't like the guy, I don't ever know him. It's just that he hung around with the wrong people. He hung out with Timouthey." (crowd boos loudly) "I know you people appreciate what I've done, but the fact is, I did this for one person only. That man is The Terror!" (mixed reaction from the fans) "But that's not the only thing I did for him. I brought in a very good friend of his. Why? Because I'm a Swami, dammit! So, let me introduce you to a good man, one swami deserves another, I give you Hadji!" With that, the fans rose to their feet, and voiced their immediate support for Jonny Quest's old friend. Hadji and Yoganti shook hands, then raised their arms to soak in the crowd's adulation. It appears that Swami Yoganti is no longer devious, but friendly and crowd-loving.

Match Number Four:
Ladies' World champion DARK CRYSTAL was declared the winner of a ladies' tag match that began with surprise, but ended in shock and horror. Crystal and a mystery opponent were slated to wrestle THE MASKED MABELS. Fans were pleased to see that the Mystery Wrestler was none other than HEAVYWEIGHT CAROL, returning to the PWL just in time for the Yuletide season. The Mabels were in control from the start, punishing Crystal for several minutes before she was able to tag in Carol. As Carol entered the ring, though, a Mysterious Hooded Figure appeared at the curtain hiding the backstage area. The Figure nodded, and Carol turned her back on Crystal and the fans, joining the Masked Mabels in their assault on the ladies' champion. The match was halted at 7'31", with Crystal getting the DQ win. The Hooded Figure grabbed the house microphone, went into the ring, and confronted Dark Crystal, who was being held by Carol and the Mabels. All the Figure needed to say was, "Dark Crystal... this time, you gone too far." The fans were already pelting the ring with debris when The Figure revealed herself to be the dastardly EUNICE.

The Heavy Set:
SUPER HEAVY, his friends, and The Heavy Set itself have been attacked and ruined many times before in this segment, but this time, Super Heavy may well have had his most unusual guest to date, THE GRITHER. Not really known for giving interviews, hearing Grither's takes on the PWL, its competitors, and the world around him were rather bizarre, even by the PWL's standards. On his chances to win the World heavyweight championship, Grither said, "Hey, man. They fear me, you know, them up there in the PWL offices. They don't want your buddy Grither to be the standard-bearer of the wrestling universe. They're scared that I would bring the PWL down, blood. But you know what? I betcha they're right. I ain't ever gonna be your World's champion, but I'm already my World's champion, Stig. Tell you what, as long as they keep paying me to bust all the skulls of the arrow fodder 'round here, they can keep me away from their titles all they want. In my world, it's all about the blood you shed. In your world, it's about the money I make. The Red and The Green, Jackson. You can't tell me I'm a heathen. For me, every day is like Christmas, Stoopdude."

Match Number Five:
A commotion occurred when this segment started. JOHNNY, the young fellow immortalised in song by the late, great BURL IVES, was in the ring against the wishes of The PWL Suits. He was bad-mouthing the PWL, which he blamed for "ruining his life" after Ives' song was released some years ago. After a few minutes' worth of Burl-bashing, several fans had to be restrained from brutalising Johnny by PWL Security. Everybody in attendance nearly rioted, however, once Johnny whipped out a lighter and attempted to burn a poster featuring a beaming Burl Ives. All eyes turned toward the curtain, though, once the souped-up version of "Iron Man" blared over the speakers. Sure enough, M. KLEATS and MONDO MBAMBA headed for the ring and confronted Johnny. Kleats took the house mic: "Johnny, you poor sap. Thousands of folks in this building are prepared to tear you limb from limb. I could very easily cripple you in a matter of seconds, and don't think I don't want to. I can practice restraint, though, so I must let the fans down by not destroying you." The fans booed as Johnny jumped and gloated in the ring. Just then... POW! And Johnny was knocked out cold by one punch. Not from M. Kleats, he said he wouldn't touch the guy. Remember, though, he said nothing about Mondo Mbamba. The fans rejoiced as Mondo himself put Johnny away with a roundhouse right.

As PWL Security scraped Johnny's carcass off the ring and carried him to the alley behind the place, Match Number Five was set to begin. COOLEROY made a rare TV appearance to wrestle another crazed individual, WHOLE LOTTA MAN. Fans were still in a good mood following the Johnny beating, so they were really into this match. As much as the fans love Whole Lotta Man's destructive appetite, they would have been most pleased with a Cooleroy victory. Perhaps sensing this, both wrestlers gave the crowd what they wanted. WLM succeeded in busting open Cooleroy's forehead, but that merely led Cooleroy to gain His Second Wind. Thus, there was no stopping him, and even Kim Chee took a beating, in spite of the fact that he was not there. A powerslam and three count was what the doctor ordered for Cooleroy, and he was the winner after 11'34".

Match Number Six, Televised Main Event:
Fans watching on television were given more treats: Commentary from North American heavyweight champion BEN TRAYMOR, and a World heavyweight championship match for the Tee-Vee Main Event. Champion EXTERMINANS took on CONRAD PAIN in this World title defense. This bout was fairly one-sided, but nobody seemed to care that much. Conrad got a few licks in, but it was Exterminans all the way. Exterminans pinned Conrad Pain in 7'21" to retain the World heavyweight championship.

After the match, Exterminans joined everybody in welcoming the king of surprises, MASHED POTATO. He said the show wouldn't be complete without a special Mashed Potato Christmas Egg! With that, some handlers wheeled out a cart carrying one of Potato's trademark Gigantic Eggs, a Red and Green Egg at that. Mashed Potato said, "Everybody, I know you've all heard of, and perhaps seen, one of Santa's Little Helpers. Well, the PWL is the home of something different. We've got Santa's Fat Helper!" The Egg then cracked open, and everybody saw that it contained the fabulous FAT ALBERT, bedecked in a stylish Santa Suit. With his theme song playing over the loudspeakers, Albert closed out the show by handing out Christmas gifts to as many people as he could, naturally giving special attention to the groups of orphans and underprivileged youths in attendance.