PWL BIGTIME WRESTLING

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2002 - ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.

Your Announcers: MIKE HOFFMAN and GENE WEST.

Match Number One:
DER NORSELANDER vs. SIR GUS STANKO was halted at 2:42 when COOKIE MONSTER and MADAME walked to the ring and told them to beat it. Cookie took the microphone: "Me sick and tired of seeing chumps like that in me PWL ring. So, me joined forces with fabulous Madame, and two of us decided to unleash all hell on today's PWL, one what knows nothing of the power of the Cookie." After a pause, he resumed his confusing speech. "So now, for all me fans in St. Louis, who still know and love Cookie, me would ike to introduce you to finest group of wrestlers today...

"WHOLE LOTTA DUMMIES!"

And with that, the audience let out a huge roar. Having been aware of the speculation for several months now, the fans were eager to see it becopme reality. To the combined surprise and odd delight of the fans, cult favorites ULTIMATE MEATBALL, ORACLE, GRODIE, MILDRED THE RECEPTIONIST, and the one and only MOONSHINE HILLBILLY walked to the ring. The segment ended abruptly when Madame unleashed a torrent of curse words directed toward an unknown target.

Match Number Two:
Making their tagteam debut in the PWL, SKELETOR and HORDAK defeated ROPE THE DOPE and DRUNK THE CLOWN in 8:19 when Skeletor pinned DTC. Afterwards, the victors were attacked by a group known in independent leagues as The Pig Murder Gang.

Match Number Three:
"Tricky" TOM HORNER, "Huge" EUGENE HORNER, and "Doctor" JOE HORNER (The Fabulous Horner Brothers, with Mother Horner) defeated FU, BIG HEAD GUY, and FAT DUDE (with "Brother" Sardo Numsba) in 11:27 when Tom Horner pinned BHG. After thematch, Mother Horner was attacked by an even more elderly woman. As the Horners watched in confusion, they were chased away by Butch and Bamm-Bamm, who identified the woman as their benefactor, Mrs. Pinkus.

Match Number Four, Ladies' World championship:
DARK CRYSTAL pinned THE DUCHESS in 8:14 to retain her championship.

Match Number Five:
CONRAD PAIN pinned TUBB (with Scunner Campbell) in 5:05.

Super Heavy interviewed beloved former PWL announcer KERMIT THE FROG in the fifth installment of "The Heavy Set." Super Heavy tried to push Kermit around, claiming that Kermit had never given Heavy proper respect when announcing Super Heavy matches. This was halted when THE TERROR made a surprise appearance on PWL television. While he assured everybody that he still hates all things good and decent, Terror told Super Heavy that he wasn't going to sit idly by and watch somebody besides himself mock Kermit The Frog. The Terror proceeded to bust up the newly re-constructed "The Heavy Set." After Kermit thanked Terror for his help, Terror exchanged the pleasantry by swiping Kermit's NewsFlash hat and wearing it out of the building.

Match Number Six:
In his PWL debut, "Magic Feet" WATT DAVIS teamed with "Mega" WATT SHROYER to defeat ENCYCLOPEDIA and (the debuting) CHARLIE BRAWN (with Lew E. Brawn) in 11:22 when Watt Davis pinned Charlie Brawn.

Match Number Seven:
This match featuring World tag champions JUSTIN TOXICATED and AL COHOLIC (AA, with John Barleycorn) never really took place. They challenged any and all comers to a streetfight, not realizing that their challenge would be accepted by the returning GENERAL ZOD and NON, THE NEW ORDER! Zod and Non punished the champions for the drunken cockiness, taking charge of a one-sided brawl to the back.

Match Number Eight, Tee-Vee Main Event, World heavyweight championship:
In a very clean and enjoyable bout, EXTERMINANS successfully defended his World championship against his fellow JOE THE GIANT student, BEN TRAYMOR. Exterminans scored the threecount after 21:19 of intense battle. Of course, Exterminans and Ben Traymor shook hands after the match, something of a PWL-exclusive these days.