PWL BIGTIME WRESTLING

MONDAY, JULY 22, 2002 - DALLAS, TEXAS.

Your Announcers: MIKE HOFFMAN and GENE WEST.

Match Number One, Ladies' World championship:
RUDI RAE MOORE (with Human Tornado and Dolly Might) successfully defended her championship, pinning PHYLLIS D in 8:21. After the match, Moore informed Mike that she toppled Dark Crystal's best friend (Phyllis), and Crystal will feel the wrath of "boxing hell" at IYH5.

Match Number Two:
WHOLE LOTTA MAN pinned BAMM-BAMM HORNER (with Butch, but without Mother Horner) in 10:21. In his postmatch interview, WLM expressed his disgust at wrestling twice last week, and vowed to take his frustrations out on anybody stupid enough to challenge him. As the Horners walked to the back, they were greeted at the backstage curtain by a bewheelchaired Mother Horner, who promised that at IYH5, "my Horner boys will show our enemies the meaning of pain and hopelessness." Butch and Bamm-Bamm seemed pleased by this.

Match Number Three:
SETH defeated SUPER HEAVY (with Sweet Daddy Williams) by disqualification in 11:11 when Super Hornet attacked Seth. As Seth began to fight his way back against Heavy and Hornet, The Terror walked to ringside. As the H's and Sweet Daddy hold Seth back, Terror slapped him around a bit, then mocked him in ways we daren't repeat.

Match Number Four: IGGY SHROYER pinned BUBBA SHAKESPEARE (with Dwayne and T-Boy) in 13:19. Cruiserweight champion Smooth Rudy provided commentary at ringside, and seemed genuinely impressed by Iggy's talents. After the match, Rudy gave Shroyer mad props, or whatever it is the youth of today say when they're suitably impressed by someone or something. Rudy warned Iggy to be ready, though, "because while I may be slapping your back right now, I'm not beneath stabbing you there, either."

Match Number Five: In the ongoing battle between two factions, one of which (Sweet Daddy's boys) being grossly underwhelming, M. KLEATS (with Mondo Mbamba) pinned SUPER HORNET (with Sweet Daddy Williams) in 10:31. I forgot what happened after the match, to be honest with you.

Match Number Six: EXTERMINANS pinned THE GRITHER in 13:27 after The Grither pulled out all the stops, perhaps to some avail. The win is what matters, though, and that's exactly what Exterminans told Mike and Gene after the match. The Grither had these comments for Mike: "It don't matter to me, brother. I don't care that his arm was raised. What matters is that I made the almighty Exterminans bleed. Trained by His Majesty, Joe The Giant his own self, and that wudn't good enough to avoid my thirst for blood." Grither concluded with these cryptic words: "And even better, I got some cool hard cash from His Lordship himself, baby. He's the reason Captain E spilled his blood tonight."

Match Number Seven, North American heavyweight championship:
WILSON FISK entered and exited this match as the North American champ. In between, he wrestled and defeated challenger SHAGGY (co-holder of the NA tag straps), scoring a pinfall win in 13:51. Shaggy's friend Freddy was scheduled to appear in his tagmate's corner, but did not appear. Word was that he was receiving treatment on his neck after an unidentified frumpy, bespectacled, "ambiguous" female accidentally slammed the driver's side Mystery Machine door on his ascot.

Match Number Eight, Tee-Vee Main Event, World heavyweight championship:
COOLEROY made a highly successful World heavyweight title defense here, pinning ELMO BLATCH in 9:09 to end the match. Cooleroy yelled about Exterminans, Exterminans yelled at Cooleroy via the fortuitous-it-was-in-the-parking-lot camera (with cameraman!), Mike and Gene shilled In Your Head 5, and the show ended. Fairchilde Channel F then debuted its wacky new comedy series about one family living in one of those double houses, "The Duplex Clan."