PWL IN YOUR HEAD 3 - 6 August 2000

PWL IN YOUR HEAD 3

SUNDAY, AUGUST 6, 2000 @ KITCHEN STADIUM, TOKYO, JAPAN.

Your commentators: KERMIT THE FROG, GUY SMILEY, MONTY SWELL.

Opening Match: SETH vs. HUMAN TORNADO vs. GRIMACE in a Three-Way match.

Seth and Human Tornado opened the matchup with a double-team beatdown of Grimace. Grimace fled to the floor for some regrouping, leading Seth and HT to shrug their shoulders and begin fighting each other. HT was the first to bleed, but it did not seem to faze him, as he continued his onslaught. Grimace returned to the ring approximately 6 minutes in, and attempted to take on both of his foes. Together, Seth and Human Tornado still had too much power left, and they resumed their attack on the Purple Menace. After a double DDT, Grimace was finished and Seth made the cover, pinning the Purple Blob at 8'27.

The two remaining competitors, although tagmates, were relentless in their battle. Seth had, by this time, also received a taste of the blade job, and both he and Tornado were wearing the ol' "crimson masks." The two traded blows for several minutes, until Seth attempted a tombstone piledriver. HT reversed the move, driving Seth's skull into the mat. Sensing that would not finish his opponent off, Tornado climbed to the top turnbuckle, leaping, and connecting on a flying knee drop. Three slaps of the mat later, Human Tornado was your sole survivor.

WINNER: HUMAN TORNADO (flying knee drop + pin) at 13'27.

Second Match: CAP'N CRUNCH (champion) vs. NAUGA (challenger) vs. ORKO (challenger) in a Three-Way match for the Midgets' World championship.

Any time Cap'n Crunch is involved, fans hope the match will be mercifully short. The PWL is, of course, a curiosity in Japan, and fans clamored for a strong bout from these three men. They were not disappointed, as Nauga seemingly carried the match, leading his two opponents to a well-crafted bout. Nauga's control did not go unoticed by the crowd, as he was definitely the favorite of the Japanese fans. Nauga let fly some dazzling top rope moves, almost unseen in midget action,, yet he also kept the match on the mat when it suited his needs. Without question, this was the finest midgets' match this year in the PWL. Nauga did the eliminating, first pinning Orko following a 360 splash from the top at 4'17. Lastly, he disposed of the Cap'n with the STF, gaining the submission.

WINNER AND NEW MIDGETS' WORLD CHAMPION: NAUGA (STF + submission) at 7'23.

Third Match: LONG SWEET LIPS (FOOT and TANKA SATCHMO, with MONDO MBAMBA) vs. AA (JUSTIN TOXICATED and AL COHOLIC) vs. THE SEXECUTIONERS (DON JEREMY and BUCK NAKED) vs. NC-17 (DIRK MERCURY and TRIPLE X) in a Four-Way tag match.

As with the first two bouts, elimination rules applied in this four-team battle. Mondo Mbamba joined the ringside commentators briefly, informing them that his surprise was indeed here. NC-17 and The Sexecutioners fought each other for most of their time in this match, whether it was in the ring or outside. With Dirk and Buck the legal men in the match, tensions finally blew up among the two warring, lewd tandems, and both NC-17 and The Sexecutioners quickly forgot the match and battled on the floor. Referee TONY PLOW had no choice but to count those teams out at 5'31, leaving the LSL to take on AA.

What a contest it was between those two teams, as all four men showed up ready to pull out all the stops. Holds, counterholds, the four wrestlers performed some fluid action usually unheard of in the usually lazy U.S. wrestling shows. Mondo realized the intensity of the bout and did not make an attempt to interfere on LSL's behalf. Foot and Tanka finally took control of the match and were able to suppress AA with a barrage of stretch holds. Satchmo picked up the fall and the win for the LSL with a Frog Leg Drop on Justin Toxicated. Afterwards, both sides stared each other down as the fans gave a huge standing ovation.

WINNERS: LONG SWEET LIPS (Frog Leg Drop + pin) at 26'06.

Fourth Match: GENERAL ZOD vs. NON in a no-disqualification match.

This was not one of the usual garbage matches. Even though it was "anything goes," neither man used any weapons in the contest, relying instead on their brute force. Zod took command in the opening minutes and was definitely controlling the pace of the match, but Non was more than able to hold his own. Non took advantage at points, utilizing his long-dormant arsenal of aerial moves, but his fellow Kryptonian appeared to have an unlimited supply of "second winds." Zod picked up Non for an attempted powerbomb, but Non fought out of it. As the General staggered back, Non took a page from Butch Jackson's playbook and levelled Zod with a series of heart punches. Zod fell backward to the mat, and Non covered him for the stunning 1, 2, 3.

WINNER: NON (heart punch + pin) at 9'41.

Fifth Match: MRS. BUTTERWORTH (champion) vs. DARK ANGEL (challenger) for the Women's World championship.

Mrs. B hoped to continue her lengthy reign as Women's champion. She had gotten past Dark Angel recently, but Angel was more than ready for her rematch here. DA took Butterworth to the mat in the opening minutes, even applying a Boston Crab, but Butterworth reversed the tide and took command of the match. The bout broke down seven minutes in, as both women began trading stiff punches. Mrs. B scored the knockout with a hard right to Dark Angel's jaw, and Angel was too groggy to answer the ten-count.

WINNER AND STILL WOMEN'S WORLD CHAMPION: MRS. BUTTERWORTH (uppercut + KO) at 7'58.

Following the match, Mrs. Butterworth was celebrating her victory when a large woman emerged from backstage and attacked the champion. She announced herself to be "Brickhouse" as the announcers loudly hoped that was not Mondo Mbamba's big surprise.

Sixth Match: M. KLEATS (with MONDO MBAMBA) vs. SUPER HEAVY vs. BIG SID SMITH "The Neighborhood Bully" (with "Mean Old" MR. McMASTER) vs. SKELETOR (with ORKO) in a Four-Way match.

As Mondo assured Kermit, Guy, and Monty that his suprise had yet to be revealed, the four men in the ring went at it. As with the Four-Team match earlier, two men dominated this match: M. Kleats and Super Heavy. Skeletor was eliminated relatively early, thanks to a Super Heavy Super Splash and pin at 3'11. Heavy and Kleats continued to outclass Big Sid, and the poor Bully was unable to worm his way out of the repeatedly brutalizings from his two opponents. This time, it was M. who scored the pinfall, eliminating Smith with a second-rope powerbomb and pin at 6'59.

And then there were two, M. Kleats and Super Heavy. The relative newcomer Heavy took advantage in the one-on-one matchup, sending Kleats scrambling to the floor for numerous brief conferences with Mondo Mbamba. Whether it was by plan or chance, Kleats stood tough until Super Heavy finally ran out of steam. M. then took over and dictated the pace of the remaining minutes. Super Heavy was unable to provide a counter to Kleats' new Butterfly Powerbomb finisher, and finally, there was only one remaining.

WINNER: M. KLEATS (Butterfly Powerbomb + pin) at 17'28.

Seventh Match: SUPER ELASTIC (champion) vs. KARATE MAN (challenger) for the World cruiserweight championship.

Both wrestlers were obviously excited to be wrestling in front of a crowd that would be endlessly thrilled at two cruiserweights showing their vast wrestling knowledge. To taht end, both champion and challenger staged a truly memorable battle that lasted much longer than the usual PWL matches, but it still left the fans wanting more from these two. For the entire match, neither man seemed to gain the adavntage, as the bout was, without question, a counterholds-aplenty affair. Super Elastic and Karate Man traded submission holds, top rope leaps to the floor, shocking power moves, and combinations from all of the above. As has been said in other matches, this one could have gone either way, but this one happened to be Karate Man's match, holding the cradle long enough for three seconds to tick by for the match and the title. Truly, this was another on of the PWL's best matches in recent memory.

WINNER AND NEW WORLD CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION: KARATE MAN (inside cradle + pin) at 47'16.

Eighth Match: FAT ALBERT vs. STARSHINE HIPPIE.

Hippie's toughest opponent to date, either in the cruiserweight or heavyweight divisions. Fat Albert did not take his opponent, well, lightly, as it was apparent he had boned up on his technical skills. With his increased awareness, it was noticeably tougher for Starshine to knock Albert off his hands than had been anticipated. Still, Starshine eventually wore down The Fat One, and went to work on some leg holds in the hopes off immobilizing Fat Albert later in the contest. Going unnoticed by Starshine Hippie, however, was Fat Albert's obvious attempts to block out the pian and stay focused in his quest to emerge victorious. After sevral leglock submission holds failed, Starshine went to the air, attempting to knock the wind out of Fat Albert with some knee, leg, and elbow drops. Fat Albert wasted no time in shaking off the leglocks' effects, and as the Hippie leaped off the ropes, Albert caught him in a bearhug. Successfully knocking the wind out of SH, he planted him with a belly-to-belly suplex. A simple count to three was all that was left.

WINNER: FAT ALBERT (belly-to-belly suplx + pin) at 11'29.

Ninth Match: THE PILLARS OF PAIN (GOLEM and QUARTZ, World champions) vs. RUFUS VAN PELT and BILLY JO JIVE (North American champions, with "Sweet" SUSIE SUNSET and WRONGWAY) for the World tag team championship.

Whether it was the addition of their new flunky Wrongway, or something not visible to the average onlooker, Rufus and Billy were not on their usual standard for this match. Golem and Quartz, seasoned champions that they are, took full advantage of their opponents' confusion and were unstoppable in their piece-by-piece dismantling of the North American tag champions. It took relatively little effort from the POP to retain their straps, but retain they did, as Golem pinned Jive to end the surprisingly lackluster affair.

WINNERS AND STILL WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: THE PILLARS OF PAIN (kick to the face + pin) in 5'40.

Following the match, the North American champs and their cohorts immediately got up and fled from ringside into the crowd. As the Pillars watched and laughed, enjoying another easy win, they were attacked from behind by none other than THE NEW ORDER. Zod, Non, and Ursa are apparently back together, as the three tossed the World tag champs out of the ring in short order. General Zod took the microphone and announced, both in English and Japanese, "Yes, today The New Order begins again. In the past, we graciously allowed our foes to survive. Now, we cannot make that promise. You tried to break us up, and now you will suffer the consequences."

Your Main Event: THE TERROR (World champion, with DARK ANGEL) vs. SCHOOLHOUSE ROCKY (North American champion, with PWL President GENE WEST) for the World heavyweight championship.

Immediately after the match began, Gene West took a seat with the announcers. He expressed his dismay with Rocky's attitude, and that even though several promises were made and gifts exchanged, he didn't know if he fulfill those wishes and look himself in the mirror. Terror, to his credit, focused on SHR and did not worry himself with possible outside distractions. The match continued as Gene West continued to discuss matters with the announcers. A visibly unnerved Schoolhouse Rocky screamed at West several times, "You're not following the plan!" Around eleven minutes into the main event, Rocky knocked down referee BURT COOPER in what seemed to be a planned moment. Gene West rose from his seat, walked over to the ring announcer, and grabbed the microphone.

"Get up, Burt, it's not going to happen," Gene West yelled into the mic. Burt Cooper stood up and began talking with West, as SHR ran over to them. Gene West informed Rocky, "It's not going to happen, Rock. It's not worth it, and neither are you." SHR lunged for West as he hopped to the floor. Terror lurked from behind and took Rocky down with a Full Nelson slam. He followed that with a Terror Spike and then, in what was likely a tribute to his mentor Joe The Giant, Terror clamped Schoolhouse Rocky in a Super Four. Referee Cooper still seemed confused, but Gene West told him, "Call it down the middle, Burt. We'll get him another time." Cooper listened to SHR's howls of pain, and Cooper finally heard the tapping that he needed to hear.

WINNER AND STILL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: THE TERROR (Super Four + submission) at 13'33.

As Terror gloated with Dark Angel and the World title belt, Gene West stepped into the ring with the microphone. "You folks probably realized what was supposed to happen, but I'll be damned if someone like Schoolhouse Rocky is going to run roughshod over me, the Suits, and the whole PWL. Getting rid of The Terror isn't worth that much. Don't forget, Terror, I still have your number, and I will find a way to run you out of the PWL forever. I--" and West was interrupted by an attack from Schoolhouse Rocky. Enraged because he was stiffed out of the World title, Rokcy delivered quite the beatdown on President West until, from behind the curtain, FAT ALBERT arrived to make the save. Fat Albert took Rocky to school, with Gene West being helped away by some Suits.

The Terror laughed at it all, knowing full well he was the cause of all the anger and confusion, and he and Dark Angel began walking to the back. At the curtain, Dark Angel walked on through but Terror was stopped by the appearance of MONDO MBAMBA. Quoth the Mondo, "The entire world has been awaiting my surprise. With all the hype surrounding it, everybody knows that if it was anything less than, say, World title caliber, it wouldn't be worth anything. Terror, I'm glad you're still the World champion, because nothing would give me greater satisfaction in seeing my man do the fans, The Imp, the Suits, and the world a favor by wiping you off the face of the Earth." You've heard of M. Kleats, you've heard of Long Sweet Lips, we'll now it's time to say hello to... BODY!"

As Kleats and LSL surround Terror, a black hooded figure joins them. Mondo continues, "You hav enever seen a Body quite like this!" At that, "Body" removes his hood to reveal himself as... the former WEIRD HAROLD. Terror saw this and began to laugh hysterically. Mondo did not seem pleased at the reaction, and ordered his men to attack. They were met, however, by THE PILLARS OF PAIN, DARK ANGEL, CAP'N CRUNCH, and AA, who helped Terror out by keeping Mondo's men at bay. Terror grabbed Mbamba and thretaned him, saying that his surprise was nothing but a waste of his time. Just then, another hooded figure arrived, and beat down all of Terror's friends singlehandedly. Terror turned around, but was grabbed by Mondo Mbamba. "You don't think my surprise was very good, eh, Terror? Well, maybe you'll think this one is just a tiny bit... cooler." The second man removed his mask.

The PWL Suits finally arrived to break up the mess, but the damage was done. As Terror watched the Suits help his group to their feet, he could the laughing of Body, Tanka Satchmo, Foot, M. Kleats, Mondo Mbamba, and...

C O O L E R O Y .