FRIDAY, APRIL 28, 2000 - THE PUTRID PIT, MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE.
First Match, Curtain Jerker: DR. DEMENTIA vs. BEN TRAYMOR. In this highly contested battle between the top two jobbers in the PWL, the good Doctor emerged victorius, as Dementia pinned Traymor in 4:09.
PWL President GENE WEST announced that the main event would feature THE TERROR defending the World title against GENERAL ZOD.
Second Match, Midget Tag Match: NAUGA (Midgets' World champion) and MASCARITA DIABLO vs. ORKO (w/ SKELETOR) and MINI TRAPEZOID. In the first midgets' tag bout for a long time in the PWL, the folks in Memphis saw the champion score the pinfall win for his tandem. Nauga pinned Mini T in 4:12 to polish off the match.
CAP'N CRUNCH tried to talk THE TERROR and DARK ANGEL out of her first blood title defense against MRS. BUTTERWORTH, but they refused to listen, with Terror attempting to shove the Cap'n into his own box of cereal.
Third Match: KARATE MAN vs. NONAGON. The top contender to the c-weight strap showed why he is ranked as such in this battle, dominating Nonagon befor the pinfall victory in 6:06.
Fourth Match: GRIMACE vs. HULK BIXBY. The former World champion was caught off-guard by the purple freak in a not-very-sneaky, but brutal nonetheless, attack at th eopening bell. Poor Bixby could not mount a significant offense as a result, and Grimace secured a sorely-needed win by pinfall in 7:12.
CAP'N CRUNCH once again tried to talk to DARK ANGEL, but he was intercepted by THE PILLARS OF PAIN, who tossed Crunch into a vending machine backstage. Overjoyed, FAT ALBERT and SUPER HEAVY rushed to the scene, stealing several bags of Reese's Pieces and Almond Joy bars.
Fifth Match, World cruiserweight championship: STARSHINE HIPPIE (champion) vs. JOHNNY CARWASH (challenger). As Karate Man watched the match from the curtain, Starshine took home the expected victory by slapping on the SHSHoTP on the unfortunate Carwash, getting the submission in 8:45.
THE TERROR and THE PILLARS OF PAIN wished DARK ANGEL all the best in her title match. She thanked them and demanded no interference, especially from "that blithering psycho Cap'n Crunch." As she went on her way, the Cap'n tried one last time to speak to her, but Terror, GOLEM, and QUARTZ roughed him up.
Sixth Match, Women's World championship, First Blood Match: DARK ANGEL (champion) vs. MRS. BUTTERWORTH (challenger). As it states above, this was first blood, with the first woman bleeding declared the loser. The match was fast-paced and furious, as this type of match should be. During the match, The Terror had a sudden change of heart, deciding what Cap'n Crunch had to say might be good for a few laughs. So, he unlocked the suitcase, took the golf balls out of Cap'n's mouth, and asked him what was so gosh-darned important. Crunch coughed and sputtered a bit, before finally being able to whisper, "No blood... syrup's not blood!" POP and Terror laughed at him until something finally clicked in Terror's mind. When he finally grasped the situation, he attempted to run out to save Dark Angel. Golem and Quartz, of course, didn't feel like going against what they had promised her, so they and Terror had a little talk. When the three were able to reach a conclusion, they turned to race toward the ring. That's when they heard that familiar "ding ding ding." In 8:04, your winner and NEW Women's World champion, MRS. BUTTERWORTH! Though she was covered in her own syrup, Mrs. B celebrated regaining the championship. Terror, Golem, and Quartz assured Dark Angel, who lost when she slipped on some syrup and bloodied her nose, that it was all Cap'n Crunch's fault.
Seventh Match, North American heavyweight championship: COOLEROY (champion) vs. M. KLEATS (challenger, w/ MONDO MBAMBA). Kleats hoped to add the singles version of the North American championship to his NA tag gold he co-held with FOOT and TANKA SATCHMO in this match. the defending champeen had only plans, however, most of them involving holding on to his title through a hard-fought, clean victory over one-thirs of the LSL. Fortunately for Cooleroy, the bookers' plans were along the same lines, with the champ successfully retaining the gold (as opposed to unsuccessully retaining, I guess) with a powerslam and pin in 14:19.
Eighth Match, World tag team championship: THE PILLARS OF PAIN (GOLEM and QUARTZ, champions) vs. FAT ALBERT and SUPER HEAVY (challengers). The POP won this match via forfeit, as Fat Albert and Super Heavy got really sick from eating all the long-expired goodies in the busted vending machine earlier. G&Q celebrated another title defense by going to the parking lot and sitting on Non's Gremlin for a smoke.
Ninth Match, Your Main Event, World heavyweight championship: THE TERROR (champion) vs. GENERAL ZOD (challenger). Zod was without the moral support of URSA, who was in St. Louis setting up her annual charity bake sale, and Non, who was in the parking lot on the phone with his insurance agent and filing a police report concerning some strange dents and holes burned in his car. As usual, the General put up a tough fight for the World champion. Terror was able to use a cunning combination of violence and sarcasm, and secured yet another W in the PWL, pinning Zod in 10:49. Your winner and still World heavyweight champion, THE TERROR.