APRIL 2, 2000, FROM BROWNS GROUNDS, ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.
The show opened with THE ARCHIES singing the National Anthem. Immediately following this, they were attacked from behind by SETH, who was unhappy at being left out of the WrestleRama card. As the rest ran off, screaming, Seth grabbed JUGHEAD and powerbombed him through the stage. The fans gave Seth a huge pop and a loud standing ovation for this.
Your announcers for the evening: KERMIT THE FROG, GUY SMILEY, and MONTY SWELL.
Match One: SKELETOR (w/ ORKO) vs. THREE MYSTERY OPPONENTS. Skeletor and Orko were greeted at ringside by three shrouded individuals. As the other two intimidated Orko, the other masked person battled Skeletor. The Greyskull native seemed ready for this challenge, and pinned the first person following a frog splash at 5:25. Skeletor unmasked his opponent, revealing him to be MAN-AT-ARMS. The second masked stranger entered the ring, and again Skeletor pulled off a one-sided battle, this time securing the win via uranage and pin at 9:19. Skeletor pulled off the second wrestler's mask, showing him to be MANTENNA. The identity of the third man seemed obvious to the fans, as loud chants of "He-Man sucks" rained down on the ring. This wrestler put up more of a fight than his two friends, but Skeletor beat down and landed a piledriver on his foe. He then motioned to pull off the mask at that point, and fans shouted for He-Man's head. Suddenly, who should walk down to ringside but HE-MAN himself! As Skeletor, Orko, the announcers, and fans sat dumbfounded, the third masked man pulled himself up and grabbed Skeletor from behind. Three German suplexes later, the third man got the victory with a pinfall at 15:11. As He-Man, Man-At-Arms, and Mantenna celebrated in the ring by beating down Skeletor and Orko, the other masked man removed his cover, revealing himself to be GRIMACE! As the fans booed endlessly, Grimace powerbombed Skeletor through a ringside table, then leveled Orko with an atomic drop. Grimace then turned his assault on the three folks with "man" in their names, leaving them on the mat a bloody and disoriented mess. Grimace shouted extremely tasteless obscenities to the fans as he waddled to the back.
As PWL Security tended to the mess at ringside, Kermit the Frog shilled for the PWL Highcost Hotline, claiming he would be the only source for fans wishing to know the real information behind PWL booking meetings from 1987.
Backstage, fans saw Seth attack SIGGI CHURCHILL and the CAST OF "JUST IMAGINE."
Match Two, Women's World championship match: DARK ANGEL (champion) vs. THUMBELINA (challenger, w/ AUNT RHODY). This match quickly took on the form of an all-out brawl, with Dark Angel seizing the advantage in the earlygoing. A series of leglocks and punches to the head kept Thumbelina grounded during the match. As the match progressed, Aunt Rhody turned her attention to Monty Swell, who was repulsed by the large bald manager's "friendly" gestures. Thumbelina staged a comeback, and had the champion on the run with several karate chops, nose tweaks, and headbutts, when the advantage seemed to switch to the champion's side, as Angel's ally CAP'N CRUNCH made his way to the ring. He climbed the ropes in an attempt to blindside Thumbelina. He leapt off the top turnbuckle and took Thumbelina to the ground with a bulldog. The Cap'n landed atop Thumbelina as Dark Angel rolled to a ring corner. Throughout this exchange, referee BURT COOPER watched everything transpire, but seemed confused regarding the rules of the match. He counted Crunch on Thumbelina as a pinfall attempte, and sure enough, made a full three-count. As the Cap'n celebrated in the ring with the Women's title belt, Dark Angel screamed at ref Cooper, who seemed unable to grasp the situation. Angel then turned to face Crunch, grabbed him by the hat, and dropped him with a chokeslam. At this point, PWL President GENE WEST strolled to ringside and called a halt to the match, declaring it a no-contest in 10:11. In addition, he declared the Womnen's title would be held up pending an investigation. Finally, West made the announcement that "we would not see anything else on the show that made absoultely no sense whatsoever," then called a scene change to backstage.
Backstage, M. KLEATS taunted Orko, chasing him around the dressing room with a stalk of celery and shouting, "Shtoom thingy muddy lemon liver."
Cut back to a flustered Guy Smiley, who introduced "the man you have all been waiting for, because he has been at the biggest wrestling events before, and just had to make an appearance at WrestleRama, MR. T!" The fans skeptically turned their attention to the entranceway and sure enough, their cynicism was well justified. Walking through the curtains to reveal himself was Mr. T, the grotesque, big-toothed, orange-hued, beastly individual known internationally for his work on "The Letter People." He was not remembered fondly by the PWL faithful, as debris of all kinds, but mostly heavy and sharp, rained down on the homely letter. As he entered the ring, Swell loudly asked him how it felt to be in the PWL. Mr. T turned to the cameras and, with a big grin, exclaimed, "Tall Teeth!" PWL Security was then put to good use, as they stopped the already-drunken rodies from setting the ring ablaze, and the helpful, burly employees escorted T and Swell to the back.
Match Three, World cruiserweight championship match: STARSHINE HIPPIE (champion) vs. FOOT (challenger, w/ MONDO MBAMBA). This match contrasted beautifully with the ugly segment preceding it. Starshine and Foot put on a memorable display of technical wrestling ability, with hints of devious chicanery tossed in for those PWL fans a little more heelish than others. Several two-counts were made in the first half of the match, and Starshine and Foot contiuned to pull out their entire arsenals of moves, holds, and counters. About twelve minutes into the match, Starshine was able to procure the Starshine Hippie Submission Hold of Temporary Pain on his foe, but the game challenger refused to surrender. Mondo shouted at his charge, pleading with him to stay with the match, and finally, Foot was able to make his way to the ropes to break the champion's dreaded finisher. The contest continued, with Foot able to gain the upper hand about seventeen minutes in, and Foot kncoked the champion to the mat with a stunning tornado DDT. Alas, the defending champ proved resilient, manuevering out of the pin attempt, and once again locked on the SHSHoTP. This go 'round, Foot was simply too exhausted to power out of the submission hold, and said "uncle" at 17:41. Your winner, and still World cruiserweight champion, Starshine Hippie.
Backstage, Seth resumed his onslaught for the benefit of the PWL cameras, this time attacking the KIDD VIDEO BAND, not to mention PAUL THE GORILLA.
Match Four, Midgets' World championship match: CAP'N CRUNCH (champion) vs. TOGUS (challenger). Togus attacked the champion at the opening bell and successfully performed a tiger driver, pinning the Cap'n at 0:18. Your winner, and NEW Midgets' World champion, Togus. As he accepted the belt, Togus issued an open challenge to any midget in the stadium. The challenge was answered by NAUGA, who burst from the dressing room and stunned Togus with a top-rope moonsault, coupling that with a three-count. In 0:09, your winner, and NEW Midgets' World champion, Nauga.
Kermit the Frog entered the ring to introduce the PWL fans to the one and only STINGER. As Kermit built Stinger up to massive proportions, the crowd grew increasingly agitated, fully expecting another situation along the lines of Mr. T. It seemed that Stinger expected an unfriendly greeting, as he ran to the ring without entrance music, and before Kermit finished his long-winded introduction. Stinger took the microphone and announced that he wouldn't pretend to be somebody else. The fans deserve something new, he continued, and he invited fans to say goodbye to Stinger, and hello to SUPER HEAVY, THE OBESE LUCHADOR. The fans appreciated the now-Super Heavy's honesty, and only pelted him with stale bread as he walked to the back.
Match Five, North American tag team championship match, no holds barred: RUFUS VAN PELT and BILLY JO JIVE (champions, w/ "Sweet" SUSIE SUNSET) vs. THE FABULOUS HORNER BROTHERS (challengers). For whatever reason, the Horners never seemed to have their game plan in order for this title match, and the champions were able to take advantage at the outset, and maintained their control throughout the match. RVP and BJJ kept the majority of the action confined to the ring and ringside area, apparently not having the desire to wander among the intoxicated throngs of fanatics in the stands. Even the attempt to interject Bamm-Bamm Horner into the match showed no impact. About five minutes in, Old Weird Horner, standing on the ring apron, threw his hands inthe air and, with a look of disgust, hit the floor and calmly walked to back, leaving his "brothers" Butch and Bamm-Bamm to take the remainder of the champions' cornucopia of underhanded tactics. RVP put the match to bed with a running powerbomb on Butch, followed by the pin at 5:40. Your winners, and still North American tag team champions, Rufus Van Pelt and Billy Jo Jive.
At this point, WrestleRama 14 took a brief intermission. The intermission was highlighted by a performance from ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS. The fans booed from the beginning of their "concert," demanding that Seth put a stop to the eardrum-shattering display. Fans were disappointed to see a backstage shot of Seth enjoying a meal with CHEF BOY-AR-DEE, BURGER CHEF and JEFF, followed by dancing with THE SEA HAG. Boy-Ar-Dee noticed the camera, and told the fans not to worry, Seth had a backup plan. As if on cue, out stormed HUMAN TORNADO, also a trifle miffed about being left off the WR14 card. He commandeered the stage and chokeslammed Alvin, Simon, and Theodore through the stage, atop a still-unconscious Jughead. Tornado went on to take their instruments and gave them to the rowdy, inebriated PWL faithful, surely a wise move by Human Tornado to give drunks even more potential jobber-seeking missiles.
On with the show, Kermit the Frog introduced yet another newcomer to the PWL scene, SCHOOLHOUSE ROCKY. SHR walked to the ring, and threatened to crush Kermit with his unmatched knowledge. "I tried to teach you ungrateful Americans all about history, math, grammar, and science. And what have you done to thank Schoolhouse Rock? Not a damned thing. You stand out there, mesmerized by the glitter and the loud noises and the shiny things this vomit-inducing organization crams down your inbred throats, causing commotion in attempts to garner the attention of some purported wrestlerwho isn't worthy of a maggot's time, urinating upon yourselves. Well, The Schoolhouse Rock says this: he tried to save you from evil forces, but it is now obvious that the most evil, godless people in this world are you so-called wrestling fans. If you couldn't find the time for The Schoolhouse Rock before, The Schoolhouse Rock has no time, no patience, nothing for you worthless slugs now. Get out of The Schoolhouse Rock's sight!" The fans did not toss objects of destruction at SHR as he left, most likely because he was sober and spoke clearly.
Match Six: THE NEW ORDER (GENERAL ZOD and NON, w/ URSA) vs. THE ELECTRIC MAYHEM (DR. "F'n" TEETH and FLOYD "M.F." PEPPER, w/ ESMERALDA and ZOOT "The Sexiest Muppet in the World"). The new, improved Electric Mayhem have shown they could finally back up their words with some hard-hitting wrestling, and this seemed to catch Zod and Non off guard in the opening of their match. As Teeth and Pepper kept Non confined to their corner of the ring, Esmeralda and Zoot directed several comments toward Kermit the Frog and Guy Smiley, claiming they had "sold out." Meanwhile, a match was taking place in the ring, with Non finally powering back, and made the hot tag to the good General. Zod was the proverbial "house afire," and Zodhandled both Floyd and Doc. Non regained his senses, and joined Ursa on the floor in pummeling Zoot and Esmeralda. As the ruckus continued, out stormed another new arrival, Mayhem bandmate ANIMAL. He violently entered the ring and headbutted referee FREDDIE STINKSMELLER, which immediately cause a disqualification. Animal then assisted Floyd and Teeth in an attempted beatdown of Zod and Non, but the Krypton natives battles back and drove the entire Mayhem from the ring. Zod and Non were declared the DQ winners in a time of 7:31, as the rest of The Electric Mayhem restrained a highly-agitated Animal, who was heard to shout "Me Superman" at The New Order.
Match Seven: FAT ALBERT vs. BIG SID SMITH "The Neighborhood Bully" (w/ "Mean Old" MR. McMASTER). It was a matchup similar to WR14's upcoming main event. The established legend taking on the bold, powerful relative youngster, looking to gain recoginition as a major force in wrestling. Fat Albert controlled the bout at the beginning, throttling Smith with a array of elbows and bodyslams. Big Sid was able to take offensive control about three minutes in, though, after a missed splash from Fat Albert. Smith proved he was capable of holding his own against established PWL performers, at one point even wowing everybody in the stadium with a bodyslam of Fat Albert, one that apperaed to be handled with ease by BSS. McMaster continued to shout instructions to his man, and Sid looked to have the contest in hand as he successfully connected with a top-rope elbowdrop on a prone Albert. Two slaps of the mat proved that was not the case, however. Smith continued to pile on the offense, but when he was about to plant Fat Al with his Bully Spike, Smith took too long to gloat to the crowd. Fat Albert lifted BSS up, grabbed hold of his arms, and fell backward onto Sid, whose back was on the mat. This time, fans heard three slaps from the ref, and Fat Albert got the win by pinfall in 12:16.
Match Eight, North American heavyweight championship match: COOLEROY (champion) vs. M. KLEATS (challenger, w/ MONDO MBAMBA). Mondo was hoping to make it a one-for-two day, this time trying to lead M. Kleats to a second North American title reign. Cooleroy had other plans for his title defense, and turned up the level a notch or two. Kleats seemed a bit sluggish in the match, as it was rumored that he joined the fans for a pre-match celebartion earlier in the day. He did provide some offense, though, and was in control for a brief period around the four minute mark of the match. As it has been for months, Cooleroy stormed right back and tossed Kleats around the ring with a vast array of power moves, with a little science thrown into the mix. The champion delighted the crowd with a brand new finishing manuever, a full nelson-bodyslam combo from the top turnbuckle. Unfortunately for Mondo Mbamba, his men went 0-for-2 on the day as Cooleroy got the pin at 6:54. Your winner, and still North American heavyweight champion, Cooleroy.
Match Nine, World tag team championship match, three teams involved: NC-17 (DIRK MERCURY and TRIPLE X, champions) vs. THE PILLARS OF PAIN (GOLEM and QUARTZ, challengers) vs. THE SEXECUTIONERS (DON JEREMY and BUCK NAKED, challengers). The champions chose a curious tactic to start the match, which was to single out The Sexecutioners, seemingly ignoring Golem and Quartz. As the two adult-oriented tandems did battle, the POP simply watched on, amazed that they were not included in the mix. They decided to hit the floor, and jawed with Kermit and Guy, expressing their mock disappointment that the other two teams "didn't want to play with The Pillars of Pain." Kermit finally got some words in edgewise, telling the POP, "It looks like they're wearing each other down, why don't you leave the talking to Guy and me, and maybe you two can interject yourselves in the match." Golem and Quartz agreed that was an excellent idea, and thanked Kermit by slaping him in the back. As Kermit groaned into his microphone, Golem and Quartz calmly re-entered the ring and became a regular destruction crew, taking out all four of their opponents at the same time. Golem tossed Dirk Mercury out of the ring, and Quartz did likewise to Don Jeremy. Together, Golem powerbombed Triple X as Quartz piledrove Buck Naked, and the referee decided to make a double pin count. At 9:33, your winners, and NEW World tag team champions, The Pillars of Pain!
Match Ten, Your Main Event of the Evening, World heavyweight championship match: THE TERROR (champion) vs. THE TRAIN (challenger). It was the match the PWL signed several months ago, and the anticipation had built at a reasonable rate since then. The young, arrogant World champion against one of wrestling's biggest names of the 70s, 80s, and 90s (and continues to be a big draw). Could Train prove he still has the ability to show up the wrestlers of today? This was the match that was supposed to answer several questions. And it did indeed provide those answers. Terror opened up with a cautious offense, bobbing and weaving around Train wth a series of chops and strikes to the challenger's legs. Train was being weakened ever so slowly, and he tried to take over on offense by grabbing at the champion periodically. Terror took down Train with a legsweep and went to work keeping Train immobile with various mat holds. The champ clamped on a crossface-chicken wing combo, but Train wiggled out of it and reversed the fortunes in the match. Train pulled out all the stops at this point, whipping Terror around the ring, utilizing dropkicks, and keeping Terror at bay with several test of strength holds. Terror plowed out of one with a dropkick, and caught Train off guard with a top-rope bodypress, but only a two-count could be had by the champion. Terror kept the offensive moves coming, and once again placed Train in a precarious situation, a surfboard submission hold. Train seemed to be on the verge of submission when The Terror's strength finally gave out, and Train fell on top a shoulders-to-the-mat Terror. It was Train's turn to experience the one, two, but not three as Terror had just enough to muscle out of the pin. At this point, Train seemed to rejuvenate, and started overpowering The Terror with more of his trademark power moves. Terror, undoubtedly flustered, was in no shape at all to provide a counter for Train's signature move, the no-pretty-but-effective Train Tackle. This was the moment the fans had awaited: 1, 2, ...
AND THE TERROR KICKED OUT! An incredible finish to an amazing series of moves, and even the drunkest of the fans were able to give a loud ovation for what they had seen so far. The Train continued the assault, and The Terror appeared to be on the verge of defeat. Train readied him for a second Train Tackle. Train charged, and... Terror whipped out of the way, Train bounced off the ropes, Terror with a kick to the gut, Terror picked up Train, and... TERROR SPIKE out of nowhere from the World champion! He made the cover, and the fans heard the 1, 2, and the kick out from The Train! Once again, raucous applause from the crowd as both wrestlers seemed to gain much of their strength back. The match continued with both men trading stiff blows. The Terror missed a punch, the force of which whirled him around. Train grabbed Terror and executed a long-lost move, the atomic spinecrusher. This resulted in yet another two-count. Train bodyslammed Terror and headed for the top rope. Train leapt, Terror moved out of the way, but Train adjusted himself and caught Terror as he got to his feet. Train slapped Terror into a belly-to-belly suplex, but the result was yet another 1-2-kickout. Train continued, and lifted Terror up into the hold preceding the dreaded brainbuster. Terror started to move about, and found his way back to the mat, and reversed the hold, this time Train was the one upside-down in the air. Train started to worm his way out as well, and was able to get his feet to the mat. Terror maintained a grasp on him, though, and once Train's feet did hit the mat, Terror scooped him up again and , wouldn't you know it... TERROR SPIKE again! In what seemed like fast-motion, Terror performed the move, put Train's shoulders to the mat, made the cover, and it was a count of one, two, ... THREE! As Terror joined Train lying on the mat in utter exhaustion, the announcement was made: In 30 minutes, 17 seconds, your winner, and STILL World heavyweight champion, The Terror!" Terror and Train were finally able to pick themselves up, and in a fine display of sportsmanship, both wrestlers shook hands in the middle of the ring. Terror's act of good manners will, of course, be forgotten, as he is a heel and will continue to act as such in the PWL. Still, it was an incredible end to one of the best shows ever put on by the PWL!