FROM THE PWL PLINKO HALL IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.
The card begins with... a match! The opening bout sees BEN TRAYMOR and POTATO SALAD JIMMY score a tag team win over THE UNDERGROUND UGLIES, with Traymor pinning UU2 in 4:27.
The second match on the card featured DR. DEMENTIA, extending his winning streak to two with a submission victory over BOOMPAW in 4:08.
World heavyweight champion THE TERROR arrived for his usual, incoherent monologue. He insulted the children in attendance, and made obscure references to hearing a noise and seeing a hand. He laughed at the idea of the upcoming battle royale to determine his Friday night opponent, and mocked this evening's challenger, SKELETOR. "If the Power of Greyskull couldn't even help you beat Fat Albert, how d'ya expect to beat The Terror tonight?" He concluded by saying that JOE THE GIANT told him the actual reason JTG left the PWL was because he hated all the fans, but was too nice a guy to say so. Terror assured everybody he isn't as nice as his mentor and told the fans to perform some technically impossible acts involving a shoehorn, thermometer, several tennis rackets, and a platypus.
The third contest o' the evening saw the return of Women's World champion DARK ANGEL. She successfully defended the female strap by pinning MISS PIGGY in 7:27. Afterwards, she got into a fight with THUMBELINA and AUNT RHODY, possibly setting up a WRESTLERAMA bout.
Match The Fourth pitted Midgets' World champion CAP'N CRUNCH against his hated rival ORKO in a highly contested battle, easily Crunch's toughest defense in ages. Orko and the Cap'n traded blows the entire time, at it seemed that Orko would have enough to win the title. a missed moonsault by Orko sealed his fate, though. Crunch easily flipped his challenger over and got the three count in 6:26.
Backstage, GOLEM and QUARTZ got ready for their big match by secretly tickling a napping NON with feathers. Also, FAT ALBERT downed an entire package of ice cream sandwiches in 5.3 seconds, and GENERAL ZOD performed handstand on URSA's head as she juggled COOLEROY's title belt, a can of 7-Up, and a jar of "Sweet" SUSIE SUNSET's homemade grape jelly.
MONDO MBAMBA, M. KLEATS, and FOOT walked to ringside, wheeleing out a large container. Mbamba explained that BILL is in this large chamber, known as "Gimmix 2000." We will see a new, improved wrestler formerly known as Bill on Friday night, Mbamba promised. Kleats and Foot then step into the ring to take on World cruiserweight champion STARSHINE HIPPIE and North American champion COOLEROY in a tag-team contest. Kleats and Foot (collectively known as LONG SWEET LIPS), made an impressive showing, but they suffered their first defeat as a team. The power of C'roy and the speed of Starshine were too much for LSL, as Cooleroy pinned Kleats in 11:46 following a moonsault from Starshine and a powerslam from Cooleroy.
In the Ten-Man Elimination Battle Royale to Determine the World Title Challenger for Friday Night, the one and only FAT ALBERT outlasted the other nine wrestlers for the win in 14:49. Eliminated, in this order, were: MR. SANDMAN, WILSON FISK, BUTCH HORNER, NON, DUH CHEE, OLD WEIRD HORNER, SETH, HUMAN TORNADO, and GENERAL ZOD.
In a match featuring two bruisers, BIG SID SMITH pinned GRIMACE in 8:29. Grimace appeared sluggish during the bout; afterwards he attributed it to "shake withdrawal." Smith went home and celebrated his win with a couple of cheeseburgers.
Backstage, THE TERROR prepareed by feasting on the bejuggled 7-Up and jelly. Also, Zod and Non take turns hitting Gimmix 2000 until they are chased off by Mondo Mbamba, who muttered something about "them danged neighbor children" and threatened to "sic a hound on them outer-space varmints."
In a three-way match for the World tag team championship, champs NC-17 took on both THE PILLARS OF PAIN and THE SEXECUTIONERS. As if things were confusing enough with last Friday's tag title match, this one ended in 17:08 with a triple pinfall. In a bout that saw all six wrestlers, two referees, the timekeeper, seven fans, two watter buffaloes, a goat, and a braised trake all wear that all-powerful "crimson mask," the final count was: Dirk Mercury pinned Quartz, Golem pinned Buck Naked, and Don Jeremy pinned Triple X. It was an especially tough call considering only one referee made all three of the three-counts. As per last Friday's PWL rules, NC-17 are still your World tag team champions.
In Your Toothy-Boothy Main Event of the Evening, World heavyweight champion THE TERROR faced off against the surging SKELETOR. Skeletor countered Terror's valet DARK ANGEL by having THE TRAIN as his second for the match. The Terror was surprised by the onslaught of the challenger, and was the victim of many a tw-count. Terror struck back, though, when the referee was distracted by commentator KERMIT THE FROG's flashy sportcoat. The champion clubbed Greyskull's favorite with a can of Steak 'n' Shake chili, then applied the Terror Spike. the referee turned around, and executed the 1, the 2, and... no, sir, The Train interjected himself by jumping into the ring, stopping the count, and telling the referee exactly what happened. When asked if he performed an underhanded trick, Terror replied, "Of course I did, I'm the damn heel here!" The referee called for the bell, awarding the win to Skeletor via disqualification in 13:01. The show ended with Train and Skeletor leading the fans in off-color chants concerning The Terror and Dark Angel.