PWL House Show Results - February 18, 2000.

FROM DU QUOIN, ILLINOIS..

• The show begins with the ususal ravings from World heavyweight champion THE TERROR, explaining that he hates people in general and hopes all the fans develop gangrene. His tirade is interrupted by PWL President GENE WEST and THE TRAIN. West reveals the news that Train will indeed get a shot at the The Terror and the World heavyweight title at WRESTLERAMA 14, live on April 2. West promises that Train will bring home the gold and Terror should seriously consider giving up the World title to avoid the inevitable beatdown. Terror laughs and gives a rundown of people he's driven out of pro wrestling, and Gene West and The Train will be just two more he can add to his list.
• In the first match of the evening, Midgets' World champion CAP'N CRUNCH continues to defy the original booking plans with another successful defense. This go 'round, he busted up fellow cereal pitchman SNAP (with CRACKLE and POP), giving him the business and pinning his elfin carcass in 5:37.
• M. KLEATS wins a 10-man battle royale in 0:00 when he is the only one of the ten participants to show up for the match. Keats and manager MONDO MBAMBA celebrate violently after the win.
• Women's World champion DARK ANGEL continues her winning streak, holding on to the ladies' strap by pinning the never-mentioned-before and probably never-mentioned-again HEY WOMAN in 3:12.
• Backstage, The Terror drinks an entire case of 7-Up while watching GOLEM and QUARTZ play chess using Star Wars dolls and bread crumbs.
• RUFUS VAN PELT and BILLY JO JIVE (with "Sweet" SUSIE SUNSET) defeated THE FABULOUS HORNER BROTHERS to win the North American tag team titles. RVP pinned Butch Horner in 8:25 for the victory. RVP called it "the greatest moment of my life" and dedicated the title win to the memory of CHARLES SCHULZ. Old Weird Horner called the title loss "right up the street from, uh, yep, yep" and dedicated the match to his C.B. friends.
• BIG SID SMITH "The Neighborhood Bully" (with "Mean Old" MR. McMASTER) defeated the newly arrived, shorter-named, heat-lacking, POTATO SALAD JIMMY by pinfall in 2:03. BSS"TNB"(w/Mr.M) continues his rise to glory while PSJ continues his affliction with jobberitis.
• Backstage, POP get ready for their big match by dancing to a RICHARD SIMMONS tape, Dark Angel looks on while eating the bread crumbs mentioned earlier, and Terror pukes 7-Up all over Cap'n Crunch.
• World cruiserweight champion STARSHINE HIPPIE retains that prestigious hunk of old beer cans smashed together to resemble a championship belt by making the returning RUDY submit to the Starshine Hippie Submission Hold of Temporary Pain in 6:03. Following the match, Mondo Mbamba and M. Kleats escort Rudy to the back, hopefully starting an angle the scriptwriters will remember, but probably forget by next Monday.
• THE PILLARS OF PAIN grappled with the mighty NEW ORDER until neither team could grapples no more. The contests degenerated into a brawl involving cushions, comfy chairs, big bags o' popcorn, and rubber baseball bats aplenty. The referee called for a double-disqualification at 4:19, but wasn't noticed by the timekeeper until 7:23.
• Backstage, Rudy juggles jars of pickles, The Horner Brothers discuss politics with a shower curtain, Big Sid Smith eats the Richard Simmons tape, and Snap, Crackle, and Pop drink 7-Up they found on the locker room floor.
• FAT ALBERT makes his triumphant return to Du Quoin by pinning SKELETOR in 5:55. Skeletor briefly had Fat Albert on the run when he attempted to call for the Power of Greyskull. Unfortunately for Skeletor, the power misfired and struck a guy in the crowd. The guy became agitated and ate all of the hot dogs at the snack bar. Enraged by the idea of no food for himself, Fat Albert gave Skeletor a beating the likes of which ye have never seen.
• World tag team champions NC-17 were able to withstand the subpar challenge of THE ILLUSTRATORS and continue their run as champions. This match ended when both teams noticed that the drunks in the crowd were becoming louder and angrier, and they decided to finish early. For the record, Dirk Mercury pinned Tibor in 4:33 for the win.
• In the Main Event of the Evening, World heavyweight champion THE TERROR faced North American heavyweight champion COOLEROY, with the World title up for grabs. In a contest that featured so much action that it couldn't possibly be mentioned in this report, Terror upended Cooleroy in 21:29 to ensure that both men had the same belts they had before the match started. The show ends with Terror telling the fans they can go do something particularly nasty with themselves, and The Train chases him to the back to a thunderous ovation.