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THREE WRITERS AND A PASSWORD Abree Brand
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Three Writers And A Password Abree Brand -  Rated PG Classi-
    fied  SH  Script format.  A theory on exactly  what John
    Shiban contributed to "Memento Mori."
*****
A DISCLAIMER: It's a parody of the writing  of Memento Mori,
    sirs!  Chris Carter,  John Shiban,  UberVince  and Frank
    Spotnitz all belong to themselves,  I think. This is not
    intended to be an insult to John Shiban, I'm just poking
    a little fun  at the two  solo episodes he  wrote that I
    didn't happen to like.
SPOILERS: Memento  Mori  and a brief Tempus  Fugit/Max refe-
    rence.
Oooh, I'm going to get in trouble for this one, aren't I? If
    you're a big fan of John Shiban, read no further.

*****

Three Writers And A Password by Abree Brand AbreeBB@aol.com

SETTING: The offices of The X-Files
CHRIS CARTER is stressed and pacing  about,  a paper and pen
    in  his hand.  VINCE GILLIGAN is  sitting in  front of a
    computer,  staring into space. FRANK SPOTNITZ is sitting
    in  front of  a computer,  slamming his  head  against a
    desk. JOHN SHIBAN is following Chris around like a puppy
    dog.
CC (reading): "And if I have walked -  descended? - into the
    darkness,  I...And if I have descend...And if I -" John,
    what IS it??
JS: Have her talk about cats! Or goats!
CC (forced patience): John, Scully is on her deathbed. She's
    thinking about DYING,  not cats or goats or goatsuckers,
    for that matter. Look, I let you air El Mundo Whatso de-
    spite the fact that Tesos Dos Bichos bombed, so quit pe-
    stering  me.  (reading)  "And  if I  have descended into
    darkness -  If I'm -  If I'm dead, Mulder, just get over
    it - "
JS: But she  can reflect upon  the time she  was attacked by
    cats! Continuity!
CC: Conta what? John, please, I'm trying to work.
JS: But -
CC (pointing at a nearby chair): John.
JS sits down next to Vince, sulking. CC goes back to working
    on Scully's monologue. After a moment JS turns to VG.
JS: What's up, Vince?
VG: Just sittin' and thinkin'.
JS: Huh?
VG: Never mind. Just wondering how the shoot went yesterday.
    The  hospital  hallway scene?  (lowers voice) Don't tell
    Chris but I wrote a kiss in.
JS (jaw drops): WHAT? Oooh! Oooh! You can't do that! CHRIS!!
CC stops pacing and glares at JS.
CC: I DON'T WANT  TO  HEAR  ANOTHER WORD  ABOUT  THE FRIGGIN
    CATS!!
JS (pointing at VG, stuttering): Hehehehehehehe wrote a KISS
    into the conversation in the hospital hall!!!
CC: What?
VG: Well,  if the  'shippers  see  my  name  in  the credits
    they're going to expect SOMETHING romantic!
CC: Well,  write  it out.  Geez,  I've given them three hugs
    already.
VG: They  filmed  the scene yesterday.  And, actually, there
    were three kisses. Head, forehead, lips.
CC (irritated): Well, cut the lips at least. And John, don't
    be such a tattletale.
VG stalks off.  JS walks over  to FS,  who is still slamming
    his head against the desk.
JS: What's up?
FS: Go away, John.
JS: What's wrong?
FS: I  can't think of  a password  for the  fertility clinic
    computer!
JS: How 'bout cat?
FS: No.
JS: Rat?
FS: No.
JS: Goatsucker?
FS: No.
JS: Kill Pendrell?
FS: N - hey, that might be a cool plot twist...I mean, John,
    you're just trying to plug the shows YOU wrote.
JS: Well.....but it's continuity!
FS: Contawhat? That's too long for a password...
JS: No, no, I mean a reference to a previous show.
FS: You think people want to REMEMBER Tesos Dos Bichos?
JS: Well...
CC throws the pad of paper to the floor.
CC: John,  can you please  think of  one password,  just ONE
    SINGLE  WORD that doesn't refer to  Tesos Dos  Bichos or
    that Chupacabra episode?
There is  a long  pause.  JS  frowns,  staring at the floor.
    About three minutes pass.
JS: Vegreville?
CC and FS look at each other in amazement.
CC: Vegreville?
FS: What exactly does that mean?
JS: Don't know. It just came to me.
CC: Did you use it in those two episodes?
JS: Nope.
FS: Are you sure?
JS: Yeah!
CC and FS slowly begin to smile.
CC (gives JS a high-five): John, I'm extremely proud of you!
    Vegreville...it has a certain...ring, to it.
JS: Does this mean I get to be listed as one of the writers?
CC and FS pause.
CC: Ah,  what the hell,  it'll  confuse  the  viewers. Sure,
    John.
General celebration ensues.
*****

Vegreville is  a real city in  Alberta,  Canada, which I be-
    lieve has the world's largest Easter Egg  (at least that
    was what I was told).  The snow  globe featured  an egg,
    meaning it was probably a souvineer.
Abree AbreeBB@aol.com "Hey! Birthday girl!"
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/1828/xfstories.html
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/1828/shrine.html  -
    The Shrine Of Pendrell