He slid heavily out of bed and woke with a start. Shaking his head violently as he stood up, pulling himself back onto the bed and tightening the covers up over him.

He found no comfort in them, nor the liquor he had been drip-fed for the past couple days. All he knew is that the dullness that had been there, was indeed turning into something greater. Something uncontrollable and painful.

He hadn't wanted that pain, and he knew that he would never want it again.

He closed his eyes.

Trying not to think of how he slept, alone and without the warm body of Mercy next to him, he sighed.

This was a hole that would not be repaired he thought. Not ever, and he didn't know why he didn't just solve this whole problem right then.

Swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills or something.

But he knew he couldn't. Knew there was much more to it then that and knew that no matter how hard he thought he should, he would never be able to.

He loved Mercy, but she had not been the only part of his life. There were other things, his family, his friends…..his music.

The weeks events were now a blur, his younger brother's bruised and bloody face now seemed more like a horrid nightmare then a real happening.

Taylor now lay in Zac Dentra's bed. And had not been moved from that spot. It felt wrong. Felt all wrong, the fact that this person, this…child was now in the hospital fighting for his life, and Taylor dwelled in his spot, his sanction, that was not right.

Sitting up, Taylor stepped from the bed.

Throwing his legs over the side he shook his head again.

Waddling down the stairs, he breathed deeply and deposited himself on the sofa.

Stretching out, he coughed.

Feeling more comfortable, he closed his eyes. Falling asleep to nothingness.

Taylor had not been home now for a week. 7 days since the accident, and he had neglected his child.

Counselors had told her to let him be, to not breech the subject of the death of his lover and to let him live this through.

Diana had wanted to call up the Dentras and make them talk to her, make her son listen.

He was not paying attention to his own son.

A tear slid down her cheek as she quickly picked the crying baby from his crib, and began moving around the room.

"I miss your daddy hon."

She continued to walk as he quieted, and finally, after 5 minutes of quietly crying, both she and the baby halted.

Feeling somewhat empty she set the baby down again, covering him with a light blanket.

"I really miss him."

He was waiting for Dorin to return, they had errands to run, things to do, despite the slow pace at which things had been done lately.

Taylor snored on the sofa, and Isaac wondered just how long he was really going to sleep. To live like he was living now. The clock on the microwave flashed, and three girls had quietly knocked on the Dentra's front door asking if there was anything they could say to make anyone feel better. Isaac had smiled wearily at their thought, and shook his head.

He had spent the night watching David letterman lightly address the topic of his dead niece and her mother, and the condition of her brother, only to change the channel to the never ending news story of the tragedy.

It was everywhere.

Everyone knew the extent in which the family had been affected. Both 'bands' had suffered greatly, both families were just there to acknowledge the pain.

Magazines and newspapers nation wide addressed the deaths and conditions of the accident, they discussed the music, the careers, and occasionally and surprisingly the personal side.

Isaac felt horrible yet still, knowing they would have never made the trip, but he didn't want to breech that topic just then. Knowing they were gone for good was hard enough.

What was worse still, was that Zac, did not remember. Would not remember and would have no one to tell him of the beating he took. The injuries on his face were just assumed to come from the accident, until some leak, from who knew where had announced that, there had been a fight between brothers.

Zac didn't know this yet, he was too busy watching his friend to know what had happened, and probably wouldn't notice or care, until Zac Dentra stood up and walked out of the hospital.

Isaac looked up as the front door opened.

"Well?"

Dorin shook his head.

"Nothing."

"Nothing at all?"

"Nothing at all."

Isaac sighed as he watched Dorin walk up the stairs. Dorin hadn't seemed to care much, at least on the outside. Isaac knew that he cared. Knew that he was worried, sad. He loved Zac, loved him very much, despite their hard times.

"Dorin. He'll be okay."

Dorin shook his head.

"I very much doubt that."

He had his own room, which was fortunate. He didn't want to spend any of this time with anyone, just by himself.

He wished he had D to talk to. He desperately wanted him there, to share everything and anything that had gone on in his head.

Neither Taylor nor Isaac had come to see him personally, which hurt. His brothers didn't want to see him.

He didn't expect them to hold an important conversation with him, but at least see him and know he was all right.

Jeremy came frequently to see D, but Zac was finding Dorin came only once a day, like it was chore and it just had to be done.

He was tired, his sleepless nights had proven to be exhausting, and Zac wished that things would change fast, he didn't like the whole stress, and worrying, and not knowing what would happen.

Sometimes he snuck out of his room at night to visit his Zac, he didn't stay long though. The beeps and sounds made him nervous.

He would watch him intently, and sigh, watching him for any signs, or what not. They never came though. He still had faith though, the fact that his friend was dying was just not an option, so Zac kept up the hope that no one else would. He stayed faithful.

He sighed.

Reaching up with the clicker, he turned off the television. Nothing too great on tv anyway.

Rolling over on his side, he yawned.

A long day, probably ready to bring a long, sleepless night.

Closing his eyes he listened for the sound of rushing doctors and nurses.

His eyes opened and he smiled at her.

"Morning."

He stretched, rubbing his eyes then pulling his hair back.

"The doctor wanted me to wake you up."

"What for?"

"Well he wanted to do some stuff today with your friend, and he wanted to see if you wanted to help."

Zac's eyes lit up.

"Really?"

She nodded.

"If he goes through something real important, then he needs a familiar face."

Zac's grin widened and he sat up.

"I just want to let you know, before you step into this, that there are no guarantees."

His smile faded and he looked down to his hands.

"What they are looking for is any brain activity."

He nodded.

"You get ready and I'll come get you in five alright?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"Alright."

She walked from the room, closing the door to allow him his time.

Standing up on the tile floor, he walked carefully with the aid of crutches across the room.

His clothing were hanging up, clean and fresh as always.

He slipped them on and walked back to the bed.

Dangling his legs, he waited for her to enter.

When she finally came, he climbed down, and hobbled to the door.

"Kay, lets get going."

She led him down the hall and to the elevator.

"Where are we going?"

"They brought him down to second level for the tests."

Zac looked up at the moving numbers.

When they reached the second floor, it stopped, and the two exited together.

It was so pointless he thought, to try so hard for something, only to have it taken away.

Zac Dentra had indeed shown signs of brain activity, only, in the wrong places.

It was impossibly frustrating.

Zac flipped over onto his back, wiping the tears from his face.

"Damn this world!"

He hadn't expected to fall asleep so quickly, at all really. But he had, and it was a feeling he didn't like. Like he had let down this great responsibility.

Shaking his head he listened.

Something all together felt weird. He had a chalky taste in his mouth and his heart was fluttering.

"Weird."

He paused for a moment to listen for anyone coming, then he jumped up from his bed.

Grabbing his crutches he hobbled to the door and peered down the hallway. No one coming.

Hurrying to his friend's room, he raced in, walking to the side of his bed and plopping himself down on the chair he had positioned there.

Resting his hands on the bed, then laying his head down, he looked at his friend.

Sighing, he tilted his head to look at Zac's face.

" Zac,"

Zac looked a his friends face, he wondered if he was ever going to see that goofy grin again, a tear slipped out of his eye and he wiped it out before it got even halfway down his cheek.

" I want you to know…I want you to know Zac that you mean the world to me. You're my best friend, for three years, you've been the most important person in my life and you've made my life something that's always exciting, always fun, always adventurous. Zac before you I didn't have friends like I do you, Taylor and Ike sure but they're my brothers, other people were intimidated by the band... but you... you didn't care. You threatened to beat me up the first time we met…"

Zac chuckled through his shallow breathing.

"I wanted to run away. I knew then that you were different. I didn't know how different and how cool you would turn out to be."

He looked at the closed eyes of his friend.

"You turned out to be the greatest friend I ever had, you're always there when I need you, you never complain, you never get shitty with me, you don't treat me like anything but an equal. I don't think I ever told you how much I appreciate that Zac, I'm telling you now, you're the best. D you're the best friend I ever had."

He couldn't stop the tears now, looking down he realised he had grabbed hold of his friends hand without realising it. It felt comforting so he held on.

"Zac please wake up because I don't know what I'd do without you."

He wiped his nose on Zac's bed sheet and looked at him through tear filled eyes.

"Please wake up Zac. I….I need you."

Zac squeezed his eyes shut. He sat back in the chair thinking about those words he had just said, those words that only made his ache worse because they were all true. He sniffled. He felt empty without Zac. It was the most horrible feeling in the world.

He lay his head down on the soft bed, the rythmic beeps had become almost peaceful to him now, he found himself drifting off into a daydream. It was nice, his dream was nice, he dreamed he was in his mother’s lap and she had his hand in hers and she was stroking it. The warmth of her hand was comforting, it gave him strength. He smiled and shifted his head on the comforter, seemed to be drifting in and out of sleep at all times of day these days, he smiled as he thought of his Mom’s hand holding his, of the feeling of her fingers lightly moving across the surface of his palm. It was so nice, he could still feel it.

He could feel it.

Zac’s head shot up. He looked into his friends face with astoundment then rapture. Zac squeezed his hand back. His friend stirred, Zac’s heart leaped and a smile broke across his face. He got up to call the nurse but wanted to do one thing before that. Zac Deverough’s eyes were still closed but Zac Hanson knew he was there. He leaned close and whispered.

“ Thankyou.”

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