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You know those days when you think your life is going just grand, then something comes up and you know it's going to ruin your whole week? Yeah, well today was one of those days. I was feeling great cause i was bein all nice to my grandma and making her happy, and i was happy because i'm totally in love with this guy. Then i make the mistake of checking my e mail and it's from a best friend of mine reminding me that i've been a total witch to her. So then my mood is just down the drain cause i know what i did was wrong. And the thing is, i'm still doing it. And she's being all understanding even though she's having a really bad night... i hate it how i'm so weak and everyone else i so strong... people have learned over time to deal with things, and make their lives easier by doing something. Well.. my life got better by meeting this guy, but i just neglected all my friends... and the thing is, i realized that i was neglecting them, but i just kept on doing it instead of changing. But that's the thing: i have changed. and i'm not sure if i like me this way. the funny thing is though, i'm SO happy. with him i mean, and i've never been happier with anyone else. he makes me totally complete, but at the same time, i'm hurting more people than making them happy. i'm being selfish. and i hate it.
College would be good right now, cause then i'd live with all my friends, and i'd see them every day no matter what... and the ones i didnt live with, i'd run into every once in a while and it'd be cool. Then i wouldnt get yelled at for neglecting people cause i'd be away at college and out of this rank old town.
So i'm just sitting here griping cause my day was going great, now it just turned awful. It makes me remember how i say things that i can never take back, and how bad i've hurt so many people in the past. People like ex boyfriends and how i've told them i hated them.... even when i didn't, and how i made some of the others feel bad about themselves. And i swear, i'll never forgive myself for the things i've done to other people, but there's no way i can change back to the person i was a year ago. Too much has happened, and i've changed way too much. A lot of the time i wish i could be the friend i was last year, but even more of the time i'm glad i've had the experiences i've had, but i'm glad they're over. That's what life's all about: changes, and learning from mistakes and experiences. I've made a bajillion or more mistakes and i'll make at least a bajillion more before high school ends, but isn't that what makes us who we are?

So i guess i just want to feel like i'm not the only one in the world who's made mistakes, or the only one who regrets anything i've done. Cause i regret SO many things i've done, and lost SO much sleep over it, but at the same time, i'm glad i did those things, cause if i hadnt, i wouldnt be the person i am today.

and that's my little schpeel, if you read it, congratulations, you're not asleep. Thanks for reading it by the way, give me some feedback if you'd like.

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