This room is reserved for complete, utter insanity. In the interests of conserving drive space, we will cater primarily to
snappy one-liners. Don't fret, submissions can be more than one
sentence long, but the longer they are, the more likely I will reject them.
If you would like to share your own chemicals to throw the room into further
imbalance, please feel free to e-mail me. I reserve the right to not post
anything I do not feel is appropriate for this page.
This section is comprised of original submissions from Christian MacFee:
--Birds of a feather flock together. This is mainly because dive bombing
cars and pedestrians is much more effective in large numbers.
--I have no trouble forgiving others...just as long as I can get even
with them first.
--Please! No more Evander Holyfield jokes. They're completely tasteless!!!
--WHAT AM I, CHOPPED LIVER???? If I am, someone will probably eat me,
raising their cholesterol level to the extremities, causing them to
have a heart attack and die.
--Ted Kaczynski’s worst nightmare: “Return to sender: postage due.”
--I think the reason why people waste so much money is because they are
afraid it might burn a hole in their pocket. Of course... we all know what’s
right next to your pocket...
This next submission is courtesy of Reyl Phaik:
--Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
And now, we take a moment to honor bumper stickers:
--Atheism is a non-prophet organization
--Support your local Search & Rescue... GET LOST!
--Be nice to your kids... They'll choose your nursing home
--Come closer, I need the money
--Free airbag test to all tailgaters
--Hang up and drive!
--If you can read this, I'm parked.
--Horn broken, watch for finger
--Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot
--Cover me, I'm changing lanes
--I brake for no apparent reason
--Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn signal!
--Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy
--Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes.
--Born free...Taxed to death
--The more people I meet, the more I like my dog
--Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
--Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
--No radio -- Already stolen
--I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
--Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill
--We are all born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
--Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot
--Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
--Keep honking while I reload.
--Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
--If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you
--Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!!!
--If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
--Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
--As a matter of fact, I DO own the road.
--If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
--Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
--God must love stupid people, he made so many.
--Lord save me from your followers.
--Impotence: Nature's way of saying, "No Hard Feelings"
--Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
--If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
--How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
--Eat right... exercise... die anyway.
--Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired from a car window.
Bold & Brassy One-Liners
--Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
--A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
--Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
--Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
--If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
--If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
--A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
--One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in
an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
--If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
--Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
--Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
--Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen
asleep yet.
--Adults are just kids who owe money.
--Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
--I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
--Remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
--Television is called a medium, because it is neither rare, nor well done.
--If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead?"
--Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
--It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
--Procrastination is the fine art of keeping up with yesterday.
--Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, professionals built the Titanic.
--Talk is cheap, because supply exceeds demand.
--An optimist believes this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears
this is true.
--It's easier to fight for one's principles, than to live up to them.
--You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old, because you
stopped laughing.
Put Downs & Turn Downs
--Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
--Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
--Do they ever shut up on your planet?
--I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
--Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
--It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
--You look like crap. Is that the style now?
--Therapy is helpful, but, screaming obscenities is cheaper.
--If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
OTHERS here for?
--You're not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
--I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
--I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
--You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication.
--You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
--I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
--Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
--This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
--A gentleman is one who knows how to play the accordion... and doesn't.
Do you want to go...
Back to the Palace
whispering words of wisdom
read some cool movie quotes
