I can not remember how long I stood there; I had lost myself in the soft blue of the mountains. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. When I remembered myself, I looked up at Neil. He sat straight and tall on his horse; his face looked as if he were in pain. Then, I looked at David. His eyes were hopeful, and he looked at me with sincerity. I rubbed my thumbs over the soft velvet box and then looked to the children. They stood perched on the school house steps watching. Finally, I could not bare the pressure any more. I handed David back the box, but I did not look at him or at Neil. I had no idea what I was doing. Everything was as if I were in a dream. I had no plan; I just had to get away, so I walked in the opposite direction from the two men and the children toward Raven Gap. I wanted to run, but I felt that it would not be a good example for the children. As soon as I knew for certain that I was out of sight, I ran with all of my might. Paying no attention to the tree limbs that scratched me or the thorn bushes that pricked me, I ran and stumbled over stones and tripped on tree roots, but I kept running until I could no longer breath.
When I stopped to rest, I found myself in a small clearing surrounded by trees. The trees grew so thick that they formed a kind of walled fortress. The floor of the fortress was covered by a bed of soft, orange pine needles and dried leaves. I lay down upon them, and when I finally caught my breath, I closed my eyes. All I could see when I shut my eyes was Margaret in Neil's strong arms. I felt tears in my eyes, and they spilled down my cheeks and caused the tiny scratches to sting. I welcomed the pain. Somehow it made me feel better. "Why, God, " I asked out loud. "Why have you let me fall in love with Neil MacNeil?"
******
I must have fallen asleep, because I was awakened by the sound of an owl hooting above me. I remembered Opal's telling me that if one saw an owl that it was a sign that someone was going to die. I was thankful that it was so dark. There was no moon at all, so I could see nothing; I was surrounded by blackness and had no idea what time it was. The wind swept over me and chilled me until my teeth chattered. There was no way that I could find my way back to the mission house in the darkness, so I curled up into a tight ball and tried to sleep. I thought about Neil and David. I chided myself for loving a man that was married. Of course he should be holding Margaret; she is his wife after all. And had I not told her myself that he was worth fighting for. I saw Margaret's sad face clearly now in the darkness. She was so alone.
I wondered why I did not love David. I thought of his blue-green eyes and his dark hair. He was such a great man. He was kind and thoughtful. He had worked so hard to buy that ring for me. It pained me to think how long he had worked and saved for it. I hated myself for leaving him standing there with no answer, just pushing the ring box back into his hands and leaving without a word. I was a horrible, horrible person, I told myself over and over again until I fell asleep.
I was so cold when I woke up that my face and nose were numb. My hands and feet were stiff and ached. A tremendous sadness filled my heart, and I did not want to return to the mission, but I knew that people would worry if I did not. I could not run away from my problems, I told myself. I wondered if God could see me. I felt ashamed of myself. As I started back home, I made the decision that I would never marry. It was obvious that I was not meant for marriage. With a firm nod, I vowed to devote my life to the children, for they needed me far more than anyone.
When I finally made it back to the mission house, the sun had just fully risen. David met me in the yard. "Christy!" He said as he took me in his arms. "We've been so worried about you. Where have you been all night." He put his coat around me and led me into the house. I didn't say anything, for my face was so cold that I didn't feel like talking.
Once the door opened, and I stepped inside, a delicious, warm air fell over me. David sat me down in front of the fire. "You're freezing," he said as he took my hands in his and began to rub them. The fire felt so good on my face. But as my hands and feet started to thaw they pounded with pain.
"I should call the doctor," David said with regret in his voice.
And Ruby Mae, who surprisingly had not said a word since I had come inside, started to chatter. "I'll go get Doc. MacNeil." She said. "Miz Christy, you shore look blue."
"I'm okay," I explained. "All I need is to sit here by the fire a little longer."
"Christy, we looked for you all night." David said.
As soon as he had said it, the door opened and Dr. MacNeil stepped inside. His forehead was furrowed and his eyes were wild; he had his bag gripped tightly in his left hand. "I checked Pebble Mountain…" he started but stopped when his eyes fell upon me. "Christy." He said. "Are you okay?"
He walked over and knelt down beside me. He came so close that I could feel his warm breathe on my face. His eyes studied mine.
"I just got too cold. " I said. "Really, I am fine."
He felt my hands and then my cheeks. He traced one of the thin scratches with his finger tip. Then he turned and opened his bag. He poured liquid into a small tin cup and pushed it in front of me. "Here, drink this."
I obeyed his command. The liquid made me cough and my chest burn, it was so bitter, but it made my skin feel warm.
"What is it?" I asked still coughing.
"Brandy." He said and smiled at me. "Drink some more!"
"No thank you, really, I am more than fine. I fell asleep on the mountain and when I woke up it was too dark to find my way home. I feel fine now that I am in front of the fire."
Neil nodded and squeezed my shoulder in a friendly manner. He turned to David who was rubbing his chin in thought. "She'll be fine," he said, then he turned back to me. "Try to stay warm the rest of the day, Miss Huddleston. " He picked up his bag from the floor. "I am going home now. Call on me if you need me." And with that he strode out the door.