David Grantland stared at himself in the mirror. He had not taken the time to actually notice what he looked like over the past year. Glimpses in the mirror occasionally, but never really stared. He used to as a boy, to try to know the face he would have all his life. He always had raven black hair, the dark brown eyes that had grown gentler as the years went on. He was twenty- seven. David felt clingy to home and he had been working to severe himself from home. But that was not easy.
He always felt like he was lanky. But Cutter Gap was turning him into a more rough man. Still, David studied himself in the mirror and saw baby soft skin. It was fairly dark, tanned from hard labor at the mission. Between the telephone poles and putting up the bell he had had his fair share of hard work recently.
He remembered Christy bandaging his hands when he had so doggedly been doing his share of work at the working. They had just met then. It was one of the tender moments that had made him fall in love with her. Then the bitterness returned.
She had been so cheerful that morning. For a fleeting instant, he thought, perhaps her sunny temperament was due to his recent arrival. But she had only glanced in his eyes for a moment. He knew it could not be him.
David felt like an intruder here. He knew that he could not stay. It would be wrong to be there at a time like this. Yet he knew he still should drop in on Margaret. It was his duty and the right thing to do.
My duty, he thought, dour. His *duty* had been to become a preacher. His mother wanted a son to be a reverend. When his older brothers went into other professions it was automatically decided he would be the reverend. David had had no say in it. He had been little. At this time in his life, David felt like teaching Christianity was a profession. Like what his brothers did.
He had been feeling that way for quite some time. His faith was failing and he began to wonder if he ever really had it to begin with. David could throw Scripture in anyone's face but was he interpreting it correctly? Or was he misleading all these people? He had to wonder.
David finally acknowledged the pain in his throat from the swollen knot. He cleared his throat, startling himself from the sound in the empty room. It had been quiet so long that he scared himself.
David fitted his arms through the sleeves of his jacket as he walked down the stairs. He wanted to take a walk before going to the hospital. He needed to clear his head. Avoiding everyone, David sneaked out the back door. Glancing around, he carefully put his hat on his head, shoved his hands deep in his pockets, then began to walk.
David took the last several steps two at a time and glanced at the room numbers of the hospital. The clerk downstairs told him where Margaret MacNeill's room was. His admittance had not been challenged since he was a reverend. David was relieved. What would he have told them his relation to her was? He was the possible fiance of the young woman who was the object of affection of the patient's husband? David chuckled wryly to himself at the horrible irony of his situation. He felt sorry for Christy. She was right in the middle.
David felt it should be an easy decision. Married, realist doctor with a bad temper and years of emotional baggage or young, gentle reverend who was more than willing to please her and did not play games with her. David cocked his mouth to the side for an instant, wondering whether he had been too forward. He hardly knew her a year, after all. Being just shy of twenty it would be a little intimidating to be pursued so fervently.
David lightly rapped on the door and he heard her voice call him in. David entered and Margaret turned to him. She looked like a completely different woman. She almost looked peaceful, he thought. David was a little surprised to see a small smile grace her pale lips.
"Reverend David Grantland," she stated, motioning him forward. David shut the door and walked towards her at her beckoning. She seemed fairly friendly, especially in comparison. "It seems Cutter Gap followed me." She smiled, but to herself. "I always did think it was haunting me."
"I don't understand," David said, sitting in the chair next to her bed.
Margaret turned to him. "I just got a visit from Miss Huddleston. And now you're here." Her eyes slightly narrowed as David's eyes reflected his surprise at Christy having come. "Why are you here, anyway?"
Duty, David thought.
"Duty?" Margaret repeated.
David had never meant to say that aloud. He slightly tinted crimson when he realized that he had spoken it. "As a messenger of God," he recovered.
Margaret considered him before speaking. "Miss Huddleston told me how she came to accept Christ," said the ill woman. "Why don't you tell me how it came about for you?"
That startled David. He had no idea. He never had had a great epiphany like Christy did, and continued to. David looked in Margaret's eyes and knew she could see right through him. Her eyes bore holes in him but they were not cruel holes. Curious? Surely not. Margaret was a strong atheist, so David had always thought. Curious about Jesus? That would be new.
David decided to be honest. In his time of lacking faith, brutal sincerity did not bother him.
"My mother wanted a preacher son," David told her, surprising her. "I was raised on Christianity. I've always taken it as granted. I have never considered my own faith until recently." He saw he had taken her off-guard now. "I am sorry if my story is not quite of amazing grace as Christy's but it's the truth. And I'm bound by truth."
Margaret felt her eyes welling for the first time in longer than she wanted to remember. Truth. Right then, that was the most beautiful word. "Thank you, Reverend," Margaret said, her voice unclear. "You have just restored my faith in humanity."
David's mind was numb from shock. Had he just helped Margaret to Christ? Had he really just held her hand as she cried? Of course he had. David mentally slapped himself back to present reality. He was standing in the hall of the Huddleston household. He had given Margaret his Bible. It was not the one he got from his parents when he graduated from the seminary so he did not mind losing it.
Margaret had asked him to tell Alice she wanted to see her so he headed to the front parlor.
David entered and the conversation stopped. Neil, Alice, and William were talking and they looked at him when he came in. David greeted them all briefly and equally brief acknowledgments were returned. He guessed the conversation had been pretty deep so he made it quick.
"Miss Alice, I was just at the hospital," David said. Alice held a hand to her throat in expectancy. David appeared really glum. Was Margaret all right? she wondered. "Margaret would like to talk to you as soon as you can get there."
"Oh," Alice said in a gasp, delighted. MacNeill sat back and watched as Alice left quickly, stuttering excited thanks to David.
David gestured his hat to them. "I'll let you continue," he said, abandoning the room. David turned back when at the doorway, remembering his inquiry, and looked at William. "Do you know where Christy is?"
"In her room, I believe," William replied.
David nodded his thanks and farewell before finishing his leave. David heard Alice leave out the front door as he went quickly upstairs. Margaret had thanked him for restoring her faith in humanity. David credited her the same.
David knocked on Christy's door and it opened a moment later. Christy was a little flustered to see David. "David," she greeted. "Hi. Come in?"
"For a moment," he replied. Christy let him in, leaving the door open. It would only be appropriate for having a young man in her room to leave the door open. "I'm going back to the Cove, Christy. I shouldn't have come. I'm glad I did but I shouldn't be here now."
"David--"
He put up a hand. "Please; let me finish," David said. He twirled his hat for a moment and glanced around her room. He returned his eyes to her searching pools of sapphire. "Christy, I don't know what you were going to say to me. But I have to take back the proposal." Christy started momentarily. "You shouldn't have to think for so long and jerk back and forth like this if we were supposed to marry." David paused, gathering his words. Suddenly, his mind went blank. His mind was crowded with too many thoughts, too many recent revelations. He could not remember what he had prepared to say. So he decided improvisational would have to do.
Honesty.
"I'm a weak man, spiritually, Christy," David confessed. "I'm going to go on a retreat, like Miss Alice. Margaret helped me gain an understanding that I need to get faith, to find it in the first place. How could I preach when I don't even personally, wholeheartedly believe in it? I can't. And I can't put so much pressure on you."
David reached for her hand and gazed at the ivory skin. Christy was looking at him with such awe, it made his heart ache. He felt his chest pounding, a sharp pain in his breast. "I love you," David said quietly. "I cherish you. But you don't love me like you should if we were supposed to marry. I know I have been acting very immaturely and very stupidly. I put you in an impossible position and I'm eternally sorry. I'm even more sorry that no one ends up happy. Neither of us get what we want, do we, Christy?"
"Oh, David," Christy whispered, in wonderment of his humility. She had never heard such sincere words come from him before. He was bearing his soul, telling her his insecurities. She reached up and hugged him. She felt him tighten his grip on her, as if trying to keep her there. Christy could tell he was about to find the faith she felt he needed. Real, true faith. He was going to find the true love of God, she could tell. "You're dear to me, David."
David planted a chaste kiss on her cheek and pulled back. "I'm going to leave tomorrow morning at dawn," he said. "I will explain everything myself to your parents."
"David?" Christy summoned so he turned back while standing in the doorway. "Good luck and God keep you."
David felt as if he truly could accept the phrase 'God keep you' and nodded. He slightly smiled and closed the door behind himself.