My delight over Margaret's inspirational turn to God was short-lived. As was my joy over her decision to help me teach. My mind was filling with ideas for Cutter Gap. What good could be done with another person to help teach! I would have time for more and Margaret could help on the more challenging tasks, like keeping the children in order on beautiful, breezy days.
But my mother was waiting for me when I walked in the house. She saw the elation all over my face, it was obvious. I did not mind showing her how happy I was. Though the sight of her being so upset made me less jovial.
"Hello, Mother," I greeted with warmness I had to slightly push myself for. I was ashamed of having to make myself be warm towards her. I took in a deep breath and prayed for guidance.
"You were at the hospital?" Mother asked quietly, her arms lightly folded. She seemed to be hugging herself, though, not trying to be stern.
I nodded, pulling my shawl from around my shoulders. I held it in my hands, running my fingers absently over the smooth material. I began thinking about the children and adults of the Cove and how such a garment as this, which my mother considered to be plain, they would think of as extravagant. It made my heart ache to be back in Cutter Gap. I had been pining for the mountains since my departure but it had been getting worse since I knew I would be going back soon. And I had so many plans running through my head. I wanted to make sure everyone was well-equipped for winter and school and there were so many projects to complete.
"Yes," I said, realizing I had briefly drifted from reality and Asheville. I needed to be fully here to talk to my mother and not tip our relationship further. It was easy to daydream about Cutter Gap but I could do that later. "Margaret is doing much better. She will be going back to Cutter Gap with Miss Alice, Dr. MacNeill, and me."
"She will?" Mother asked curiously.
I nodded slowly. "She is going to be helping me teach and helping out around the mission," I said. "And Dr. MacNeill and Dr. Johannsen both agree that the fresh air should do her a world of good. So do I and so does Miss Alice."
"So she will be working out her marriage?" Mother inquired.
I looked at her. That cut me deep. I believe that she knew it, too, because she had mentioned it at Thanksgiving that I was stringing the two men along. I remembered that she loved me. I knew she did. I think she was too concerned for me to see the full picture of Cutter Gap and the children, though.
"That is their business, Mother," I said. "If you want to know about it, ask them." I knew it was not my place to tell anyone anything about their personal affairs, nor tell my mother there was no marriage to work out anymore. The divorce was still a little shocking to me, even after these weeks. "Mother, I don't want to go back home with you and me fighting."
There. I had said it. I had called Cutter Gap 'home' and the hurt showed on my mother's face the instant that I said it. But I knew I had to tell her. I think she always knew, in a sense, that I no longer considered Asheville my home. Things were finally coming out in the open and I felt a bit of relief about that.
"Cutter Gap is your home, you say?" Mother asked me, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I live there, Mother," I returned, barely louder. "I love it and the people there. I am doing good in Cutter Gap. I am learning and helping enrich their lives while I am growing closer to the one Person that I always wanted to know better. And I finally am. I feel like I'm making a difference. Even if it's just in the backwoods of Tennessee, Mother, it's incredibly important to me. It makes me happy. But I love you and Daddy and George. And Asheville has been my home for nineteen years. But my heart is with Cutter Gap." I looked imploringly at her, willing her to understand the passion, which I was trying to explain. My passion for the children and teaching and Christ. "Do you understand that?" I asked softly.
Mother turned her gaze down to her hands, and I just realized she was wringing her hands together. I felt immense guilt for making her like that but I knew I had to stand by my decision. I thought of the martyrs and what they had endured because of their faith. Watching my mother wringing her hands and the disapproval in her eyes was nothing in comparison. The martyrs had been hunted down, persecuted, prosecuted, tortured, murdered, and mocked. I straightened, remembering their amazing sacrifice to the will of God. I could surely stand up to my mother. They had stood up to the most powerful earthly empire.
"You are determined, aren't you."
It was not a question. It was more of a statement to herself. My look was enough, I suppose, for the instant that she met my eyes I could tell she saw my resolve. I had decided to not back down this time. I had only backed down when Daddy was sick where Cutter Gap was concerned. When I had first heard of the mission, I had pushed day after day after day. And I had to do it again now. But the reward was beyond anything I could even imagine until I experienced it. Such love was unknown to me before going to Cutter Gap. Such joy was unknown to me, as well. It was the love and joy of the children.
"For the life of me, Christy Huddleston," my mother said, her voice breaking. "I don't understand how you can waste your youth on such a Godforsaken place. And I do not know how you can be so dedicated to it. But it makes you happy and that's what I want for you." I could feel my throat constricting and my eyes jerking with tears. I could foresee what was coming. "Go to Cutter Gap, Christy. Not that you would have stayed here, anyway. Go with my blessing. I am not happy about it but I want you happy. So go."
I smiled, tears fogging my vision. Everything was falling into place all of a sudden and it was wonderful. I looked at my mother, seeing how hard it was for her to do this. "I love you, Mother."
She turned her eyes to me again and I saw she had been doubting that I loved her. She moved forward, taking me in her arms quickly. I rested my head on her shoulder, breathing in the familiar rose petal scent. They were the sachets that she used since I was a little girl. They were a comforting fragrance and I realized how much she meant to me in that one instant. Despite our differences, despite us seeing on different levels. Despite everything, I loved her and was glad that I had her back again. I hated arguing with anyone, especially family.
"I love you so much, Christy," my mother whispered, stroking my hair in a maternal way I was embarrassed to admit I had missed. I remembered her stroking my hair when I was a child and it had comforted me then. It comforted me now, as well. "Come visit, OK?"
I pulled back and looked at her. "I will be only a few hours away," I reminded her. "Or a telephone call."
My mother smiled gently through her misty eyes. "Right," she said, smiling. "The telephone."
We both laughed. There was no reason to. But we did. It felt wonderful to laugh with her again.