I met up with my father the next day and he took me to dinner. It was a little diner that we had gone to when I was a young girl. I would meet him there when I got older so that he would not have to travel home from work then take me back out. It was nice to meet him there after his day of work again.
Daddy kissed my cheek and held out my chair for me, which made me smile. He had always done that for me. Even when I was three or four. It had became a game with us to pretend I was a fine lady, even when I grew up. It was endearing to continue playing this game, and that he still remembered.
"How's my girlie today?" Daddy asked, seating himself across from me.
I smiled, having missed the nickname. And I only fully appreciated it now, right before I had to leave again. "Did you talk to Mother?"
Daddy knew then that my mother had given in and I could see him beaming through his kind eyes. I was so glad to see him hardly relying on the can, which he had carelessly tossed to the side of his chair. "So she gave in?"
We placed our orders before I answered. "Yes," I replied. "Did you talk to her?"
"I know what makes my daughter happy," Daddy said. "She wants the best for you. You know that, don't you?"
I nodded. "Of course," I agreed.
Daddy smiled gently. "She wants her little girl back," Daddy said. "Truthfully, so do I at times. But then I look at you, all grown up and beautiful." I lightly blushed. "I'm so proud of you, Girlie."
"Proud of me?" I repeated, the smile unable to leave my lips. "Look at you. You got over a stroke and you're walking around almost like nothing."
"Thanks to your Dr. MacNeill," Daddy said. "He is a wonderful physician."
"He is," I agreed, keeping my personal feelings hidden. "And the New School teaches different things from the Old School. They know more. And I'm glad. I would hate to lose you."
"This old man still has several years left in him yet!" Daddy said with a sparkle in his eyes that made me laugh.
"I'm glad to hear that," I returned, feeling happy again. "I was so sad when I thought I was going to lose you."
He reached across the table, taking my hand with a reassuring smile. "But I am still here, Girlie," Daddy reminded me. "But you won't be in town after another six days so let's not waste time, eh?
I returned home while my father went back to work. He had a couple of cases to mull over and I did not feel like working with him that day. I was glad that I had not gone to work with him when I went home. I found Dr. MacNeill just coming down the stairs when I walked to the staircase.
My heart stirred the moment I saw him and met his eyes. Again, I could see a small smile in his eyes when he saw me. But, for one of the first times, I saw doubt creep into his beautiful eyes when I met his gaze. I knew why the doubt was there, too. He had put his heart on his sleeve and it was up to me what I was going to do with it. He could not turn back now.
"Christy," Neil said, more of an utterance than a greeting.
I smiled and gestured a thumb over my shoulder, feeling confident. I felt my knees grow weak at the small smile he returned and determined to be strong. "Could we talk?"
Relief flooded over his face. I liked being able to see his emotions as he had always been able to see mine. "Of course," he said. "I was hoping to."
We walked back out to the garden, where we had been before. It was still a beautiful day, though a little muggy outside. I was trembling some and wondered how I was going to be able to find the strength to say what I wanted to say. To say what I needed to say. I could feel his eyes on my back as I studied the vision before me. I prayed for strength from God. I really needed it.
"I hear Margaret is going to come to Cutter Gap with us," he said, deciding to start a conversation, I suppose, since I was stalling.
I was at a loss for words. I loved him, God help me, I did. So why was this so hard? Because I had never done it before, I speculated. I was so nervous! I felt like I had when I got my first kiss. My hands were rubbery and my head was spinning, but in an unpleasant way. Not like it had when he had kissed me. This was a different kind of anxiety.
"Yes," I said, turning to look up at him. I had been right. He was watching me. "She is going to help me with the children."
"She mentioned that," Neil replied, watching me. "But we didn't come out here to talk about the children or Margaret."
I briefly laughed at his blunt way of putting it. There was no humor to my laugh, though. I was terrified and I was shaking, I was so scared. Of what, I was not sure. He would never hurt me, I knew that. So was it the newfound feelings? I could not be certain.
"No, we didn't," I mused. I looked up at him again, drawing strength from somewhere deep inside. His eyes showed his earnest feelings. I knew it was now that I had to speak.