Weeks went by without sight of the doctor. Occasionally, I would hear of lives that he saved and surgeries he had performed. But I never saw Dr. MacNeill myself. I did not blame him for not coming. I did not think I would be ready to see him when he did come. He was not coming to church. I did not blame him for that, either. Both Margaret and I were there. That, in itself, was not so bad. But the fact that we were friends had appeared to strongly bother him.
One morning, five weeks into school, Margaret approached me after breakfast. "I can't go with you to school today," Margaret said.
I looked at her in surprise. "Are you OK?" I asked, her health being my first concern.
Margaret smiled, something I had learned to look forward to lately. She had a beautiful smile when she used it. "I'm fine," Margaret said. "But Mother is concerned. So she asked Mac to come over today and check up on me. I can come in the afternoon."
"No, that's OK," I replied, releasing her. Neil was coming! I did not outwardly show had much that knowledge had unnerved me. "Just take the day off. I'll tell the children."
I was so distracted, I forgot to take my lunch. Ruby Mae chattered with me all the way up to the schoolhouse then disappeared when Bessie arrived. I was glad that Ruby Mae still talked with me and even more glad she had a friend her own age. I was only five years her senior but at this stage in our lives, they were significant years. I realized, for the first time, that I was her mentor. She probably looked up to me as I looked up to Alice. I smiled at the thought. It felt nice to realize I was a mentor.
The children occupied my mind during school. But Neil's presence at the mission house was pulling at the back of my mind, occasionally making me drift away from the subjects at hand. The children noticed. I spotted that they saw my distraction and determined to not reveal my preoccupation.
Recess came. I had no lunch. And I was starving. I had hardly eaten that morning, even before hearing that the doctor was coming. I debated with myself as the children played outside. I decided that he was probably gone by now, anyway. And if he was not, well then....
I told the children I had to go to the mission house for a moment and they waved good-bye. I put Ruby Mae, Rob Allen, and Lizette Holcombe in charge. They were junior teachers, as I had appointed them. I went down to the mission house quickly, determined to slip in and out unseen by anyone. I was especially delighted when I saw we had some ham left over. I could make a ham sandwich and be gone in minutes. Moments, even.
I quickly set to work on the sandwich. The house was eerily quiet. I wondered if it was always like this when I had the children in school. I could faintly hear them playing in the school yard and paused, slowing down to appreciate their laughter. They were so happy and carefree, despite the poverty in their lives. The quality of their lives had definitely risen but they still lived in such depressing atmospheres. I knew that the Spencer children had love in their lives but I was not so sure of the others.
Realizing I had floundered in the kitchen for a while, I began quickening my pace. I had just put away the rest of the food and felt home free when I ran into Neil; literally. I was holding the plate and did not watch where I was going. I collided with the strong chest and the plate flipped up. Stepping back, I glanced down to see a splotch of yellow mustard on my dress. Setting the plate on the table, I knew it was him and had not even looked at him. I knew that masculine scent anywhere.
"Whoa," said Neil, putting his hands on my arms to steady me. I stepped immediately out of his grasp, feeling like his hands had burned my skin. The first time I saw him in over a month and I had to be wiping mustard off my dress. "I'm sorry." That brogue was wonderful.
"No, I wasn't looking where I was going," I murmured, getting the mustard off my dress with surprising ease. I looked up at him and my heart trembled. What a handsome man! He looked tired. I had heard of a small break out of small pox in a nearby community that he had attended to. I was certain that had drained him of energy. Also, in that instant, I realized how very much I loved him and how much I missed him. He was painful to be with, yet he was who made me happiest. He even surpassed the children and I felt bad about that. I had come for the children, not for a man.
I knew I was probably staring so I looked down to resume getting the spot of mustard up. "How is Margaret?" I asked. She was the reason he was here, after all.
"Great," Neil said. There were no catches in his voice. He seemed fine with the situation of seeing me again after such a rough time in Asheville. "The mountains are doing her good. As are the children."
I grit my teeth, annoyed. Not at Margaret's fabulous health but the fact that the doctor appeared completely undaunted by our previous awkward times. I had not seen him in over a month and he was acting like nothing had happened. Had he even meant anything he said? I wondered about that. His nonchalant attitude irritated me and hurt me further.
I had made the right decision in rejecting him, I now knew. No matter how much it hurt. I had poured out my heart to him and he had said things that never should have come out, apparently. It seemed he had not meant them. I was glad I had pushed him off if he was like this. He did not seem to care about me at all.
In irritation, I threw the towel down on the counter with some force. I bit the inside of my lip before turning back to Neil. I was angry. He had once teased me about how he liked it when I got angry. Not in so many words but I had read between the lines. It had been down by the river that night when we talked for a while by the moonlight. That night had started a huge mess. Perhaps I should have perceived that as an omen.
Then I remembered how he stuck up for me, even when I would not let him. I softened until I looked back at his eyes. His stance showed no strain; his eyes showed no discomfort. I became angry again. "Good," I said. "I'm glad she's well." Without even saying a farewell, I brushed past him with all the force my far smaller body would allow me. I walked outside determinedly, feeling proud of myself for being so strong. Then I mentally kicked myself for my stupidity.
I had forgotten my lunch.