Bond awoke groggily. The last thing he remembered was being caught in the blast of the Master's concussion grenade. Pretending he was still asleep, he took stock of his surroundings. He was lying on a cold steel table, his wrists and ankles bound to the table by metal shackles. Not again, he thought. A cold draft was blowing through the room, and there was a strange echo, as if they were in a rock-hewn cavern. Underground. He risked opening one eye to take in his surroundings, then immediately wished he hadn't.

 "Ah, Mr. Bond. So good to see you're awake." The Master rose from a chair next to the table and began to walk around. Bond, abandoning any pretense of sleeping, opened his eyes and raised his head to look around. "You almost caught us unawares, but fortune smiled upon us when you happened to get caught up in the blast from my concussion grenade. I do apologize for any lingering headache you might experience."

 Bond quickly took in the room. He had been correct in his closed-eye observations -- they were in an underground cavern. The Master's thug, Jiang, was standing along one wall, arms folded, next to where M and the Doctor's friend Shaw were chained to the cavern wall. The Doctor was pinned to a table like Bond's about five feet away to the left, still unconscious (or pretending to be). Most strange of all, though, was a large humanoid reptile creature who strode up to the Master impatiently. When it spoke, its voice was unusually high. "Time Lord, you promised us the codes to 'Operation: Meltdown' in exchange for our cooperation in bringing your captives here. You have not provided it. It is time to pay your debt." The reptile seemed very anxious and annoyed.

 "I have not misled you," the Master replied. He walked over to M, and bending down in front of her, slapped her across the face. She shook her head, and opened her eyes drowsily. "Wakey, wakey," the Master murmured.

 M focused on her captors, took in the situation at a glance, and firmly closed her mouth. "You can torture me all you want, but I won't tell you anything." The Master chuckled softly in reply. M turned her head and nearly jumped in fright at the reptile creature standing next to her. "What is that?" she gasped.

 "That, my dear M, is one of the poor creatures from whom you human beings have stolen this planet. If our dear Doctor were awake, he could tell you that he has nicknamed them 'Silurians.'"

 "What are you talking about?"

 "They're the ones behind all of this," came a female voice from next to her. Liz Shaw had awoken. "I can't believe you would do this, Dossst, after all of the help I've given you and your people."

 "You are stupid, like the rest of your ape-people. We will retake our planet at any cost."

 "Will someone please tell me what all this is about?" M asked.

 "I would be quite interested to hear as well," Bond called from his table where he had lifted his head to try to see what was going on.

 "It's quite simple," the Master replied. "Miss Shaw, here, has been sheltering a group of Silurians underneath her research laboratory at Cambridge. 'Who are these Silurians and where did they come from?' you may well ask. Well, let me tell you. The Silurians were a highly advanced civilization of artists and scientists who flourished on your planet several million years ago. Their main racial flaw was to panic when they saw a planetoid heading toward Earth, which they believed would hit the planet and cause total ecological disaster. To avoid this disaster, they --"

 "Went into hibernation, and the planetoid never hit the Earth, became the moon, and ever since they've been living underground, waiting to be awoken," Liz Shaw finished. "UNIT first encountered them about two years ago, but we had a few problems. Some of my fellow researchers and I found another hibernation cavern a little over a year ago, though, and we awoke the Silurians living there and have been trying to create a plan to help them to coexist with the humans ever since. Unfortunately, a radical grouping calling themselves the 'Planners' have been causing me nothing but trouble and have been demanding to make contact with the humans and to demand the return of the planet to themselves. I thought Dossst here was on my side, but apparently he has been working with the Master and the Planners all along."

 "A very accurate summation, my dear Miss Shaw," the Master confirmed. "Only you've left out the most important bit. The Planners have been 'planning' a way to bypass all of your bureaucratic diplomacy and human stubborness and have decided to take back the Earth in the simplest, least complicated way possible, with absolutely no risk to their own race. They are planning to use the codes from 'Operation: Meltdown' to set off a series of nuclear explosions which will destroy all life on the surface of the planet."

 "That's insane!" Bond cried. "They'll make it inhabitable for themselves as well!"

 The Master chuckled evilly. "Yes, at first. But our reptile friends will be safely hibernating away under the ground. They have waited millions of years already; what's a few thousand more until the radiation had cleared completely away?"

 "This is unspeakably evil," M declared. "We shall never assist you in bringing about the downfall of humanity."

 "Oh, but I think you will," the Master replied. He snapped his fingers, and Jiang brought a young boy into the room.

 "I think you're all familiar with the Minister's son whom we kidnapped several days ago," the Master said by way of introduction. "Jiang, hand young Henry here your gun." The Chinese man handed the boy his pistol.

 "What are you doing with him?" M demanded.

 "I will only give you one opportunity to tell me the codes for Operation: Meltdown," the Master announced. "Right now I am allowing you to do it the easy way without any harm coming to anyone. What are those codes?"

 M's mouth remained firmly closed.

 The Master sighed. "Very well. Henry?"

 The boy raised the gun in one trembling hand and pointed it at his own head.

 "Stop this!" M cried.

 "This is an abomination!" Bond called.

 "What are those codes?!" the Master demanded. "You have three seconds!" He could see the ethical dilemma in the older woman's mind as the boy's finger tightened on the trigger, and he relished every moment of it. The humans were so pitifully emotional. So easy to corrupt.

 M held her silence.

 Henry pulled the trigger.

 M and Liz Shaw turned away from the bloody mess.

 "Very well; you can't say I didn't give you a chance to do it the easy way," the Master sighed. "Jiang, retrieve the other Planners." Jiang picked up his gun, wiped it off, and left the room. "Dossst, this woman knows the codes to Operation: Meltdown. She's all yours."

 M cowered back slightly as the reptile creature loomed over her. She stared mesmerized as a third eye in the creature's forehead began to glow. As she heard a high-pitched warble, she realized that the creature was attempting to force its way into her mind. She huddled back against the wall, but she could feel the creature invading her mind, drowning out her thoughts, seeking the codes that were the ultimate weapon against humanity ...

 "What are you doing to her?" Bond asked, struggling vainly against his bonds. "Stop it!"

 "Dossst is forcing his way into her mind," Liz explained in despair.

 M screamed in agony and clutched her head.

 "Wait!" Bond yelled. "Stop this, and I will give you the codes."

 The Master, smiling wickedly, motioned for Dossst to halt. Dossst stopped reluctantly, allowing the heavily breathing and sweating M to collapse against the wall. The Master strode over to him. "You would give me the Meltdown codes just to save this pitiful specimen of humanity?" He laughed. "You and the Doctor really *are* two peas in a pod!"

 Bond glared the Master in the eye. "This isn't my planet. I can see when I'm beat. If I give you the codes, will you allow the Doctor and I to go free?"

 The Master eyed Bond suspiciously. "For the codes, I will allow you and these humans to go free, but the Doctor is *mine*. He shall remain here."

 Bond considered carefully, then collapsed to the table, knowing he could bargain for no more. "Very well. It's a deal. Bring me some paper and release one of my hands and I shall write the codes down for you."

 "Bond, no!" M muttered.

 The Master chuckled heartily and turned to a desk upon which sat some paper. He brought over a pad, and withdrawing a key from a pocket, carefully unlocked one of Bond's hands. Bond immediately felt for his backup pistol, which he knew wouldn't be there. "We're not imbeciles, Mr. Bond," the Master rebuked. "Ah, you need a pen --"

 "No need, I should have one here." Bond reached into an inner tuxedo pocket and withdrew a silver pen. The Master set the paper down on Bond's impromptu bed, and Bond struggled to position his head so that he could write legibly. The Master, a little too eager to see the codes, bent down to see what Bond was writing.

 Bond wrote, "BOO!"

 Whipping the pen back, he sprayed a jet of liquid nitrogen into the Master's face.

 Crying in pain at the unexpected shock, the Master swivelled back.

 In one fluid movement, Bond sprayed another shot of liquid nitrogen into the lock pinning down his other arm, and snapped the bolt off. He quickly did likewise to his leg locks. He heard a flurry of motion to his left, and out of the corner of his eye saw the Doctor wide awake and somehow managing to slip his wrists out of his own restraints.

 The Master, blinded but coming to his senses, stood up and pulled out his Tissue Compression Eliminator. Dossst, taken as much by surprise as the Master, was slow to react, but now approached the UNIT and Secret Service agents.

 Bond leapt from his table and delivered a karate blow to the unseeing Master, instantly felling him. He quickly grabbed the Master's weapon and key, throwing the latter to the Doctor, who caught it and unlocked his ankle shackles. Dossst, judging Bond to be the greater threat, moved quickly towards him, and activated his third eye. Bond cringed in pain for a second, then raised the Master's weapon, aimed, and pulled the trigger, not sure what to expect. A ray of energy encompassed Dossst, who bleated in agony, and began to decrease in size. In moments, all that remained of him was a scaly action figure.

 "Horrible," the Doctor muttered.

 "But effective," Bond remarked. "Don't move," he called to the Master, who was attempting to crawl toward the doorway. The Master froze.

 Not removing his eyes from the Master, Bond moved back towards the human hostages. He held out his hand, and the Doctor gave him the key. "Make sure there isn't more trouble waiting for us out there," Bond requested. The Doctor nodded and jogged off through the doorway.

 Bond unlocked Liz's shackles, and then those of his employer. "I must say, this makes quite a change from the young and beautiful maidens I usually have to rescue," Bond joked.

 "Stuff it," M replied, rubbing her sore wrists.

 "Mmmfffphhmmphmphmmph!" Bond cried.

 For a second, the Doctor feared that he had made a fatal error in leaving the other Bond with the Master. Then he realized that this had to be Bond's lookalike, Josef Braun.

 He briefly considered releasing the doppelganger, then concluded that it must be some kind of trap and closed the door. He moved down to the next door in the hallway and tried the door. Locked.

 With a cry of "HAAIIIEE!" he kicked the door in. Inside this door was Jo Grant, gagged and bound. "Jo!" the Doctor cried, and ran over to her and released her.

 Jo threw her arms around the Doctor. "Thank you!"

 "There will be plenty of time for thank-you's later. Right now, we have to find a way out of here and alert the Brigadier to what is going on. The Planners are planning to destroy your world, Jo, and we've got to stop them before it's too late. We're underneath a research building at Cambridge. I wonder if the university people know what is going on right here under their noses?"

 They crept toward the door, but ducked back inside as Jiang and a septet of Silurians walked past. "What are they?" Jo hissed.

 "The Planners," the Doctor replied.

 When the Silurians had passed, the Doctor and Jo ran to the end of the corridor and tried the last door. Behind it was a stairway leading up. "There we are then; off you go, Jo," the Doctor commanded.

 "What? I'm staying with you."

 "No you're not. I need to go back and try to talk the Planners out of their plans before our associate Mr. Bond murders them all. Now don't argue, Jo. Go find a phone and call the Brigadier at Southbridge. Tell him we have the Master and the Planners trapped here, but that we'll need his assistance ASAP. Go!"

 "Yes, Doctor," Jo relented. She climbed the steps and didn't look back.

 The Doctor turned around, to run right into Jiang, who was holding a gun on him.

 "Ah, Doctor ... you should have fled while you had the chance. You were an honorable opponent. I shall kill you quickly."

 "Wait, Jiang! Have you forgotten how the Master abandoned you at Southbridge School? That's no way for an honorable leader to behave. You and I both have a score to settle with the Master. Let me help you to gain your revenge, then you may do with me as you wish."

 Jiang considered, then nodded. "Agreed. You may help me to exact revenge upon the Master. Then you will join Mr. Bond in an honorable death."

 "That's the spirit!" the Doctor replied, clapping Jiang between the shoulder blades. "Let's go."

 The Master, his face cracked and dried from the now evaporated nitrogen, stared into space and crawled forward toward M. "Can I have some water? For my eyes? They burn! Please?" Even though she had no mercy for enemies of Britain and the Queen, M couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the Master when she saw those blind but charming puppy dog eyes, begging, pleading for just a little pity, pulling her in, wanting her to give in and help the Master, to help, to obey, to obey ...

 The Master dived for M and knocked the TCE out of her hand. Bond saw instantly, and dived for him. The Master, hurdling the two steel tables, pressed a panel on the far side of the wall, and two hidden doors opened. Liz tried to intercept, but the Master shoved her out of the way and disappeared through one of the doors, closing it behind him. At the sound of a high-pitched bellow, Liz turned toward the other door. Two yellow eyes appeared, followed by a four-foot high mini-dinosaur. The lizard walked upright on two legs and peered hungrily at her.

 "Everyone remain still," Liz whispered.

 "Good lord, what is it?" M asked, disbelievingly.

 "A velociraptor," Liz hissed. "The Silurians asked to keep it as a pet, and like an idiot I consented. Although it looks small, it's a carnivore and quite deadly."

 "Can you reach the Master's weapon?" asked Bond, noting that it was only a few feet away from Liz's feet.

 "I can try, I guess," asked Liz. She bent down, slowly, but froze as the raptor turned its head in her direction and took a step nearer to her. Liz shook in fright, knowing that at any moment the deadly lizard could tear her defenseless body to shreds. The raptor, sensing her fear, took a step closer and bared its pointy teeth. Liz closed her eyes.

 "Here, boy!" called Bond, leaping onto a table. This movement instantly attracted the raptor's attention. The raptor stepped toward this new moving prey. Bond slipped off his black jacket and pulled one of the buttons. "Here, boy! Catch!" He balled up the jacket and tossed it past the raptor. The raptor turned, ran toward the bundleildid grabbed it in its teeth. It tore at it, turned back toward the humans, and abruptly exploded.

 "Fetching," Bond said.

 The Planners had nearly disintegrated the door. Liz, no longer paralyzed by fear, snatched up the Master's weapon and handed it to Bond. As the first Planner poked its head through the hole in the door, Bond fired at it, and it quickly disappeared. He kicked over one of the steel tables, and pulled M and Liz down behind it. They waited for the inevitable attack.

 "This world is ours, ape. The Master has secured the meltdown codes to the primitive ape reactors. Soon your species shall be dead."

 "I'm afraid you're wrong on two counts," the Doctor replied. Jiang stood by, and let the Doctor play his hand. "First of all, I'm not an 'ape.' And second, the Master did not acquire the codes. In fact, my friends are holding him prisoner inside that door. The Master has failed you. Now just calm down, and we can work this out peacefully."

 "No. This world is rightfully ours. Kill them." The Planners turned their attention onto the Doctor and Jiang, and their eyes began to pulse.

 "Stop! I am on your side!" Jiang cried, throwing his arm to his head in a futile attempt to stop the throbbing. Fumbling, he raised his gun and aimed it at the group of reptiles, and began to fire indiscriminately. One of the Planners went down, but the others continued their assault. The Doctor felt himself losing consciousness as his brain was slowly burned out ...

 A high pitched whine cut through the doorway, and one of the Planners was miniaturized. Another burst, and another fell. The Planners, confused by this dual assault, stumbled in confusion. Jiang aimed and shot another dead. Bond kicked open the door and blasted another Planner. The remaining two huddled against the wall, knowing their plans were in ruins. Bond prepared to fire again, but the Doctor stayed his hand.

 "That won't be necessary," the Doctor told him, disgusted by all of the carnage that had taken place. Bond begged to differ. He wrenched his hand free, and fired again.

 This time he fired at Jiang, who was just about to pull the trigger at Bond. Jiang's shot went wild as he was shriveled into a little doll. The Doctor looked away in disdain.

 "Purely in self-defense," Bond apologized.

 "Uncalled for," was the Doctor's only reply.

 Bond kept the TCE trained on the two surviving Planners. "The Master escaped."

 "Typical. Too busy killing innocent henchmen to concentrate on the source of the trouble."

 "Those 'innocent henchmen' would have killed us all if we hadn't dealt with them first. You need to tackle a problem step by step, otherwise your plans will fall all around you."

 M and Liz poked through the door. "Is it safe?"

 "Yes," the Doctor and Bond replied simultaneously, then glared at each other.

 Bond sighed and handed the weapon to M. "Keep an eye on them for me." He picked up Jiang's non-shrunken handgun and headed for the steps at the far end of the corridor.

 "Where are you going?"

 "To catch the Master."

 As he disappeared from view, M took another nervous glance at her two reptilian captives and shuddered.

 "From now on, we'll leave these kind of situations to you UNIT people."

 The Doctor and Liz smiled.

 She knew all too well from past experience that she couldn't stop the Master alone. However, that didn't mean she couldn't do it with a little help.

 Across the courtyard, she saw two patrolling police constables. She waved to them and ran over to them. Meanwhile, the Master had dusted himself down, and was now walking normally, but quickly, toward the outskirts of the university. She pointed toward him and said to the policemen, "That man stole my purse! Please stop him!" The policemen nodded to each other and began running toward him. Jo ran with them. At the sound of the police whistle, the Master turned around, and darted for some undergrowth. The policemen and Jo split up, surrounding him and hoping to cut him off.

 The Master ducked behind some shrubs and ran down the narrow pathway between the shrubs and the building, doubling back to try to fool the policemen. He crawled between a hedgerow, and ran into a pair of black boots. They belonged to Jo Grant.

 She kicked him in the face, and he fell over.

 The police constables arrived, and slapped handcuffs on the Master. The Master was not having a good day.

 When James Bond arrived, Jo grinned at him smugly. "A little late, aren't you? Leave it to the women to clean up after the men."

 Bond smiled. "I see that great things *can* come in small packages," he quipped. He flashed his I.D. and License to Kill to the policemen. "This man is number one on Britain's most wanted list. Guard him with your lives."

 Jo added, "Some men from an organization called UNIT will be arriving in a few minutes to take him to a high-security prison. Under the Official Secrets Act, I'm afraid you won't be able to discuss matters here with anyone else." As she spoke, a UNIT truck pulled up, and Sergeant Benton, Mike Yates, and several UNIT troops jumped out.

 "We'll take care of it from here, Jo," Mike said. He pointed to the Master, and Benton and some of the troops dragged the criminal mastermind to the back of the truck. "Where's the Doctor?" Mike asked as an afterthought.

 "He's got things under control at the Planners' headquarters," Bond replied. "I'm afraid the Minister's son didn't make it, though."

 A look of sadness passed over Mike's face. "Well, with any luck this will be the last stunt the Master pulls for quite some time. Can you show us where the Doctor and these Planners are?"

 "Certainly, my good man," Bond replied. He put his arm around Jo, which made Jo smile. "How about tonight, after this is over, you and I go out and have some martinis to celebrate? I prefer mine shaken, not stirred."

 "Okay," Jo smiled. Mike Yates rolled his eyes.

 "You know, I also know this great photographer named Isobel Watkins. You'd look quite fetching posing with ... say, a Dalek."

 "Oh!" Jo said and punched him playfully in the arm.

 One of the Silurians picked a card from the pile.

 "We're here to collect the prisoners," Yates said, uncertainly.

 "Yes, I suppose you are. Well, besides our two friends here, there's also a KGB agent named Joseph Braun in the next room over. You might want to start with him; I don't want to lose this game now that I'm winning. Do you have any tens?" The Silurian shook its head.

 M shook her head, too. "Where's Lethbridge-Stewart? I have some complaints to make about the way UNIT has handled this situation."

 The Doctor frowned. "If I were you, madam, I would be more concerned about deactivating your 'Operation: Meltdown' codes which were responsible for causing this entire situation in the first place. I don't think you have much reason to fault UNIT for doing the best it could in preventing a worldwide disaster. Oh, blast!" he exclaimed as one of the Silurians laid down his last remaining cards. "Now look what you made me do!"

 Elizabeth Shaw shook her head, too, and smiled. At many times in the past year she had missed working with the Doctor, and even though she had been partly responsible for the recent crisis, she still found working on her own infinitely preferable to dealing with the militaristic Brigadier and the egotistic Doctor. There would probably be several inquiries and possibly even a trial to face for her part in the Planners' affair, but she knew that whatever happened, the government would want to keep the existence of the Planners quiet, and she would most likely be given a severe reprimand and allowed to continue her research here at Cambridge.

 As the Doctor and M helped the UNIT troops to escort out the two surviving Planners, she couldn't help but wonder how much different things might have been if she had stayed on with UNIT. But one can wonder forever about the path not taken. Best to leave it behind. Standing tall, she followed the Doctor and the troops from the cavern underneath her research building.

 Out there were still more Silurians. And maybe one day she would achieve her goal of helping them to reclaim their home.

 THE END

 (What would a James Bond story be without one of those groovy theme songs and silhouettes of naked women floating by? I submit to you ...)

 FROM UNIT WITH LOVE
(sung by Fiona Apple)

 In a deep, gloomy cave
Way under the ground
The Planners are planning
A worldwide meltdown

 The government's troubled
Secret agents are few
Only one man can stop them
I'll send him to you ...

 From UNIT with love ...
From UNIT with love ...

 When gunshots and doubles
Can't solve the world's troubles
I'll fire back at you ...

 From UNIT with love!

 (Roll credits, Omega!)