The Brigand

I was a brigand on the road
For reasons I'll not mention
I had to give it up you see
I couldn't stand the tension

I was fated ill by way
Of stars in their conjunction
The more I stole the more I lost
My way of body function

Chorus:

A digit here, a digit there
More lost with each endeavor
All links I had with a brigand's life
Were impolitely severed.

First there was a priestly man
Dressed in silk and splendor
I thought he'd be an easy purse,
With arms so long and slender

Imagine my discomfiture
At losing ear and earing
It seemed for years the man had taught
The mastery of fencing.

Chorus

Then there was a caravan
Filled with gold and spice
The heathen sheik had many gaurds
Who caught me in a thrice

And though they did implore of me
Their laws to understand
They did with great alacrity
Relieve me of my hand

Chorus

Last there was a milky maid
But one thing did she cherish
And when I held her in my arms
I very nearly perished!

How could such a heavy blade
Be kept upon a lass?
She almost got the family jewels
Instead she got my...dignity.

Chorus

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