Forever Knight
Mates
Subject: Mates
Date: 98-10-18 23:00:45 EDT
From: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
To: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
Sidney:
I read your letter asking for help with your pet human that you posted on the animal net. I think I may be of some help. In your letter, you stated that you were having problems mating your pet, Natalie, with a suitable male. You said you had chosen a rather good looking male with excellent bloodlines. You referred to him as Nick.
I, too have had similar difficulties mating my humans. They are two females I have named Pat and Barb. Barb is the older one, and Pat is her kitten. Barb is well beyond litter bearing years, but Pat is still in the proper age bracket, although I have every reason to believe she may have been fixed, since she shows little interest in forming any long term relationships with any males of the species.
Although I have not had too much success with them, I have had much success with another very young male. He is called Jason. He is the kitten of a female from one of Barb's previous litters. There have been considerable matings, but so far, no offspring.
I shall be glad to give you some tips, if you want.
Inky
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-10-20 00:13:10 EDT
From: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
To: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
Inky
I would be most interested in hearing your tips. My pet has been involved with her male for several years, now. They seem interested in each other, but so far, they have not seen fit to jump fur.
I would like to mate them soon, since my female is getting on and will soon be outside optimum litter bearing years.
Please respond soon. I look forward to your e-mail.
Sidney
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-10-27 01:30:27 EDT
From: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
To: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
Dear Sidney
Sorry I haven't written sooner, but my humans have been staying up late, and I haven't had the opportunity to get online. You know how it is with humans. If they don't want to go to sleep, nothing can make them.
Now, to your problem. Is your human spayed? If so, that could be the problem. Remember, unlike us, a neutered human has a much lowered sex drive than an uncastrated one. Also, has the male been neutered? If they are both altered, then your hopes for a viable litter from them are in vain. Unfortunately, there is no outward way to tell if they have been taken care of.
Another thing, are you sure that they both know how to do it? Unlike some of the other species, the mating urge among humans is not always instinctive.
Please write soon. I do so enjoy corresponding with you.
Yours,
Inky
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-10 00:13:10 EST
From: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
To: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
Dear Inky
It was a pleasure to hear from you. Yes, I do know how it is with humans. Mine has spent the past week in a place called Montreal with her male, and I have been with another human that is called Grace. Unfortunately, this Grace does not have a computer.
I had hoped that this trip would lead to a mating, but from all signs, it did not.
I do not believe that either of them has been altered. When they are together, there is the definite scent of arousal emanating from both of them. But, except for some lip touching, nothing has happened. Perhaps they don't know how to do it.
What do you suggest I do about that?
Truly yours,
Sidney
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-15 23:03:27 EST
From: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
To: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
Dear Sidney
It was great hearing from you. I do look forward to your e-mail. I really enjoy communicating with someone that I can talk to in such a frank and open way.
It is very difficult to get humans to acknowledge what we of the so called 'lower species' are really like. They think that they are the only species that possesses 'real intelligence'. If only they knew about our web site.
Perhaps that is our fault for spoiling them so. It is very difficult not to give in to their every whim, though. They are so cute and cuddly, and they do keep the food dish full and the litter box empty.
Anyway, back to your little problem. Do you think it would help if you were to bring one of your female friends home sometime when they are there and maybe give them a demonstration of what is expected of them?
I await your next e-mail
Always,
Inky
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-17 02:19:10 EST
From: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
To: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
Dear Inky
I tried your suggestion. I brought home one of my dearest friends,a beautiful smoke and white longhair named Precious. There is nothing serious between us. We have been friends since we were kittens, and she was more than willing to help me once I explained the situation to her.
We waited until the humans were in a properly amorous mood and then proceeded to demonstrate what we wanted them to learn. Unfortunately, they took our little demonstration the wrong way.
Natalie started chasing us with a rolled up newspaper and yelling “Bad Kitty!” and "NO! NO!" and making all sorts of disgusting sounds. I think that is the human equivalent of a tail flip. She does that to me whenever she is not pleased with my actions. Then she took a container filled with a foul smelling liquid they call vinegar and squirted it at us.
Although I am somewhat used to this kind of behavior from my human, Precious was rather put out about it. She has not so much as meowed at me since it happened.
I have to sign off now. I have to discipline my human for her bad behavior. As her punishment, I think I shall mark her new entertainment center. She will pout for a few days, but she will learn not to misbehave when I have company.
Love
Sidney
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-20 23:04:31 EST
From: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
To: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
Dear Sidney
I am so sorry to hear that Precious is upset with you. After all, you were only trying to help your human mate properly. You did not mean for her to get squirted with the, what did you call it, vinegar. Perhaps if you took her a token of your affection and friendship, she may relent and forgive you for your alleged offenses. If she is into that sort of thing, I would suggest a fat, juicy rat or chipmunk. Personally, I prefer a squeaky toy. The point is you have to go out of your way to smooth her fur. If she doesn’t come around after a time, remember that there are more tabbies on the fence.
As far as your humans go, if the paws on demonstration did not work, I don’t know what else to suggest. Maybe you ought to forget about breeding them. After all, there are plenty of unwanted pets already and you might not be able to find good homes for the kittens. It would be a shame if they had to be destroyed, don’t you agree? Have you thought about obtaining a kitten for them from a human pet shop? What do they call it, an orphanage?
Waiting to hear from you.
Love
Inky
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-24 00:10:10 EST
From: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
To: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
Dear Inky
How did you get to be such a wise and knowing feline! Precious absolutely loves chipmunks!
Also, with the humans, I believe you are right. I wanted to breed them for purely selfish reasons. Their markings and personality traits were very strong and I only wanted to see it they would breed true. I did not think about the problem of overpopulation. I have recently found that the male, Nick, has a severe genetic defect that would make breeding nearly impossible and could produce severely deformed offspring. When he is overstimulated, not only with sexual stimulus but also with many other things, his eyes change color and his normally short fangs grow long. Also, he is allergic to sunlight and does not appear to have a very high tolerance for Human Chow. I would hate to have to put any of their kittens to sleep if they show the same traits.
Do you suppose they are aware of this and perhaps that is the reason they have not attempted to mate yet?
I wish you lived closer to Toronto. I would like very much to meet you.
Love
Sidney
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-25 02:23:37 EST
From: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
To: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
Dearest Sidney
I would like to meet you, too. Since we can’t, maybe a description would help. I am an 8 year old black domestic shorthair. My measurements are height - 10 1/2 inches at the shoulders, 25 inches nose to tail. I won’t tell you my weight. It's not polite to talk about that, but the Toms in my neighborhood think I am really cool. I have been spayed, however, so I have no kittens of my own. I spoil my humans as though they were my kittens.
I live with my brother, Blackie and my cousins Charlie and Rocky. Rocky is the baby of the group. He came to live with us eighteen months ago after my Uncle Merlin was killed in an automobile accident. Sometimes I treat him as my kitten, but Blackie doesn’t like that. He calls Rocky the 'little asswipe'. I think that’s a very rude name and I have swatted my brother for it many times.
My human has a scanner on her computer. I found a picture of my family and I am attaching it to this e-mail. I am the one on the left with the pink collar, naturally.
About your humans. It's possible they might be aware that there is a problem with their mating. They do have a high degree of intelligence, after all. I'm sure they wouldn't want to burden
you with inferior kittens. My only advice is just to enjoy them as they are and don't worry about anything else.
Love
Inky
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-26 01:29:15 EST
From: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
To: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
Dearest Inky
I am a domestic mediumhair. I am gray and white spotted, very much like your cousin Charlie. I am 10 years old and I weigh a little under 5 1/2 kilos (About 11 pounds). I am 37 centimeters (approximately 12 inches) at the shoulders and measure 64 centimeters from nose to tail. I have been neutered and I have also been declawed. In spite of this, I do go outside frequently. I have many friends in the Community and I'm not bragging when I say that I am a cat of rather high importance in the Council.
Again, you are right. I have made up my mind to enjoy my humans just as they are. I really do feel much more comfortable around them now that I've come to the decision not to breed them. I believe they are more comfortable around each other, too. Maybe when I quit worrying about them, they felt it and they were able to relax. How can I ever repay you for your advice and help in this matter?
Lovingly
Sidney
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Subject: Mates
Date: 98-11-29 23:21:57 EST
From: Ipussycat@Columbus.animal.net
To: Slambert@Toronto.animal.net
Dearest Sidney
Perhaps we will get the opportunity to see each other sooner than either of us thought possible. My humans are planning a trip to someplace called Michigan for the Holidays. According to the map of the US and Canada, Toronto is only a few inches (or centimeters) away. I have E-Mailed the Toronto Chamber of Commerce for brochures and hotel listings, particularly those that accept animals. I put those in with the material they are using to plan their trip. Hopefully, they will take the hint and take me and my family with them. If so, I will let you know as soon as I find out.
I am so pleased that things are working out with your human and her male. While it is sad to think that there will not be a litter, it is more important to remember that a happy pet is much more preferable than a stressed out one.
Love
Inky
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Will Inky's pets make the three inch trip to Toronto?
Will Sidney's pets ever get together?
Will Inky and Sidney ever get together?
Only time will tell.
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Meow
(The End
Maybe)