They soon realized that little Al was different from you and me -
I believe Pa's exact words were, "That boy's not right."
So they sent Al to Cal Poly University in hopes
that he would become an executive
at one of those respectable new corporations they'd
heard about called
Enron or Worldcom.
But Al, with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men,
realized that what the world really needed was someone to do parodies of popular songs.
So he went around the corner and recorded "My Bologna" in the Men's Room -
the tile has great acoustics -
with an accordion
(a keyed musical instrument with bellows that force air thru reeds)
passed down to Al from the Ancient Ones in a cave...
along with a neat ring (shazam!)
Then he went to nearby Cuesta College and taped a video version of the song and the rest is history!
Actually, the video was never released,
but I almost saw it and that's what's important for now.
"My Bologna" and other hits were released on LP records
(a circular piece of vinyl which could spin 33 and a third times per minute to hear wonderful things until it got scratched or dented or the needle wore out).
Al realized that such primitive technology was not good enough and went to his Fortress of Solitude to find a better way.
I'm sure we all remember his announcement to the United Nations of his resulting invention,
the "Compact Disc,"
a smaller piece of vinyl that spins under a laser
and lasts forever -
unless you leave it in your car on a hot day
or use it to play frisbee with your dog.
Al fulfilled his dreams of visiting Albuquerque
and running with scissors,
but realized he was watching
too much Jerry Springer on UHF
and got back to the serious business of
spoofing Michael Jackson and Madonna like a surgeon.
The rest is history (I really mean it this time).
So throw away your
Sweating To The Oldies
collection and try polka power!
You might as well be walking on the Sun