Charles Bronson is back in New York City where he belongs, getting out the old Browning automatic machine gun and squeezing the trigger on homosexual biker gangs. Big Chuck steps off the Greyhound in a neighborhood where the apartment buildings look like they got spray-painted with Agent Orange, and a bunch of punkola gang members immediately beat this old man to mushy pulp with a tire tool cause he won't fork over twenty bucks for old-people protection money. But the cops think CHUCK DID IT (!) so they book him and he has to spend the next ten minutes kung-fuing fat guys in his cell. Then this Swedish pervert gang leader gets p.o.ed and tells Bronson, "Tell you what--I'm gonna kill a little old lady just for you." And since Chuck is in the Crossbar Hilton, the Norwegian Animal gang is free to roam around sticking switchblades through each other's necks and swiping old ladies' purses--but pretty soon the police chief recognizes Chuck and puts him back out on the street where he can crowbar creeps and make friends with all the Meskins and Jews. All Chuck's friends are Meskins and Jews, for some reason, but Chuck's community leadership skills are tested to the limit when people keep getting axes through their heads cause the Swede thinks they smell bad. Chuck's a little frustrated, so he BUYS AN ELEPHANT GUN.
We're talking a .475 Wildey Magnum with exploding big-game cartridges. Chuck spends one afternoon planting charges in the bullets, loads up, then gets that little grin on his face and says "Think I'll go down the street and get myself some ice cream." You know what's gonna happen--all Chuck's friends are gonna die grisly deaths so he can get MAD enough to clean up the scum again.
Four breasts.
89 dead bodies.
Five burning cars.
Four exploding buildings.
Three burning citizens.
Switchblades through the neck.
Old man set on fire like a Bic lighter.
Three motor vehicle chases, with two crash-and-burns.
Nail through head.
Three creeps falling off buildings.
Kung Fu.
Tire too Fu.
Crowbar Fu.
Ax Fu.
Anti-Tank Missile Launcher Fu.
Miranda Warning Fu.
Two-by-four with a nail on the end of it rigged to a spring trap Fu.
Gratuitous Martin Balsam.
With Deborah Raffin as the girlfriend.
Directed by Michael Winner.
© 2000 Joe Bob Briggs. All Rights Reserved. Not an AOL Time-Warner Company in this lifetime.
"Deathwish" movies are available on video and on DVD
For this and other movie reviews by the artist formerly known as the host of MonsterVision, go to Joe Bob Briggs.com
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