Northern Lights.

Plot Summary:

Premise - A Casanova plumber falls for a forlorn waitress; a crazed Vietnam veteran and two of his buddies try to win a Labor Day fishing tournament; and two brothers try to evade the Chicago Mafia - all in the course of one wild weekend in a northern Minnesota backwoods town.

Ralph Ramsey, a Vietnam veteran, is a middle-aged shoe salesman from Youngstown, Ohio. He and his wife Alice are spending a weekend in the woods of northern Minnesota on the last leg of their summer vacation. Ralph plans to compete in a Labor Day fishing tournament with his old war buddy Marley Redmond, a 48-year-old backwater recluse who helps run a lake resort with his grumpy old folks. Ralph wasn't planning on this vacation turning out to be a weekend war. First off, Ralph's convinced that everybody in Minnesota is a hick after seeing the movie 'Fargo'. His conviction gets him into nothing but trouble. The Ramsey's lose their resort reservations and are forced to shack up in a crummy Bed-n-Breakfast, and Ralph gets on the nerves of just about everybody he meets.

Norton and Grimley Minnow are two brothers from Chicago. Grimley is a former accountant to a Chicago mob boss, Guido Palladino. Grimley made the mistake of embezzling several thousands of dollars from his boss to gamble at the horse track. Guido finds out and hires a professional bounty named Bob Fetus, a former army colonel, to track Grimley and his brother down. Guido and his two goons, Greedo Mack and "Drippy Bibs" Fortuna follow Fetus' trail to the northern Minnesota backwater community of Cook, where the Minnows are hiding out. To try to raise money to pay back Guido, they kidnap two local police officers and hideout in their hunting shack. Impersonating the officers, the brothers commit a series of ingenious robberies. Too bad they decided to rob Moosebirds Bed-n-Breakfast and General Store. The clerk on duty is friends with Vietnam veteran Marley Redmond and hangs out with a bizarre circle of friends. Marley and friends eventually come to the Minnows aid. They are the new A-Team, and they are going to take down Guido and his goons this Labor Day weekend, no matter what.

Zeke Pehrson is a 27-year-old plumber with a reputation for sleeping around with his female clients. And he still lives with his folks, operating as a maintenance man at their resort on Lake Vermilion. Zeke is also a known party fanatic and a huge poker fan. Every weekend, he and his friends throw a party at the resort. However, the last party of the summer may turn out to be more than he bargained for.

During a routine plumbing job, Zeke Pehrson sets his sights on a young girl named Dominique Diamond. The two sleep together in exchange for a free plumbing job. Afterward, he learns she's a 16-year-old call-girl working for Guido. Guido arrives home to find the two in bed. Guido's goons kick the crap out of the young Casanova plumber and dump him on the side of a road late at night. The Minnows find him and take him back to their shack. The girl, however, well, she gets fed to a piranha-like fish, in a straight jacket.

Patty Green is a 21-year-old waitress who's down on her luck. One night while at work, she's hit on by three members of her college football team who want nothing better to do than sleep with her. She proceeds to get fired for assaulting the customers. Things only get worse when her boyfriend fails to pick her up after work. He's too busy shacking up with Patty's identical twin sister. Patty's boyfriend later kicks her out of their apartment.

Zeke Pehrson and Patty Green - two tragic figures having one lousy weekend. The two were made for each other, and eventually they meet on an overnite camping trip.

Throw in a kidnapping, a double-cross, a fishing tournament straight out of 'Jaws', a barbecue reminiscent of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', two auto shop grease monkeys obsessed with Scooby-Doo, a crazed bait salesman named Lazlo Nibble, and you've got the workings for a fun-filled weekend in the woods.

'NORTHERN LIGHTS' is a comedy in the tradition of such great American film classics as 'Fargo', 'Animal House', 'Risky Business', and 'Jaws'. When I began writing this screenplay, I based the characters on popular actors I would like to see as these characters if this were actually a movie. To help the reader better visualize the story, here's the cast list:

Cast of Characters:

Jeff Daniels - Marley Redmond
Michael Richards - Lazlo Nibble
Sean Patrick Flanery - Riley Wells
Abraham Benrubi - Elliot Goldenthal
Jason Lee - Zeke Pehrson
Laura Harris - Patty Green/Ashley Green
Sarah Michelle Gellar - Samantha Christian
Tara Reid - Natalie De Bell
Ewan McGregor - Dwayne Hicks
Matthew Lillard - Steve Koontz
Nicole Eggert - Marlo Lucas
Ryan Reynolds - Ned Nicoli
Sean Whalen - Weird Eddie
Charlize Theron - Christine 'Cricket' De Silva
John Goodman - Ralph Ramsey
Kathy Bates - Alice Ramsey
Michael Rooker - Mel Ranta
John Mahoney - Axl Redmond
Bruce Dern - Andy Redmond
Sam Raimi - Grimley Minnow
Ted Raimi - Norton Minnow
Jerry O'Connell - Brownie Marino
Wil Wheaton - Ray Brauer
Corey Feldman - Devo Bryce
Jason London - Billy Winger
Joe Pantoliano - Guido Palladino
Robert Davi - Greedo Mack
Mickey Jones - Charlie "Drippy Bibs" Fortuna
Michael Ironside - Bob Fetus
Dianne Wiest - Mama Fran
Fairuza Balk - Dominique Diamond

NORTHERN LIGHTS

ACT ONE

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

ACT TWO

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
Part 7 Part 8 Part 9
Part 10 Part 11 Part 12
Part 13

ACT THREE

Part 14 Part 15 Part 16


Email: jfmollard@hotmail.com