Here's a piece from my past.
It will always be with me, but no longer affects me.
In Between
I just need peace.
Flying around in circles,
Nothing settles down.
Confusion comes in waves,
I just want quiet now.
Only bad memories come,
Several at a time,
To continually haunt me,
I just need peace now,
The days go by too slow.
Comfort comes in drinking,
Sometimes I can forget.
But when morning comes,
Only confusion remains,
And nothing makes sense.
Looking at who I lay next to,
Tells me how drunk I was,
But what happened that I forgot.
Time comes for work,
And some more hours pass.
Night comes again,
My shift is over.
The alcohol waits for me,
But it doesn't always do it's job,
Although getting drunk I find some peace.
Momentary though it is,
The alcohol I can loose myself in.
Tomorrow I worry about the consequences,
Or never worry at all.
All I want is peace.
Never does peace come,
Even in the alcohol.
I look across the room,
At their faces and wonder,
Whose bed will I be in tonight.
Confusion never stops,
Memories never fade.
The longer I'm away from the alcohol,
The more the memories haunt me.
What did I do wrong?
How did I screw things up so badly?
Everything has spun out of control.
Who am I anymore?
Where am I?
My vision is blured.
I can't breath anymore.
What am I supposed to do?
Too many thoughts haunt me.
What should I do?
I only want peace and happiness.
But obviously that's not for me.
I always mess things up.
Why?
They don't care anymore so neither do I.
None of it matters.
June 7, 1999
