<xmp> <body> <script type="text/javascript"> //OwnerIQ var __oiq_pct = 50; if( __oiq_pct>=100 || Math.floor(Math.random()*100/(100-__oiq_pct)) > 0 ) { var _oiqq = _oiqq || []; _oiqq.push(['oiq_addPageBrand','Lycos']); _oiqq.push(['oiq_addPageCat','Internet > Websites']); _oiqq.push(['oiq_addPageLifecycle','Intend']); _oiqq.push(['oiq_doTag']); (function() { var oiq = document.createElement('script'); oiq.type = 'text/javascript'; oiq.async = true; oiq.src = document.location.protocol + '//px.owneriq.net/stas/s/lycosn.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(oiq, s); })(); } /////// Google Analytics var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-21402695-21']); _gaq.push(['_setDomainName', 'angelfire.com']); _gaq.push(['_setCustomVar', 1, 'member_name', 'mn/felix', 3]); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); ////// Lycos Initialization ///////////////////// var lycos_ad = Array(); var lycos_search_query = ""; var lycos_onload_timer; var cm_role = "live"; var cm_host = "angelfire.lycos.com"; var cm_taxid = "/memberembedded"; var angelfire_member_name = "mn/felix"; var angelfire_member_page = "mn/felix/june01.html"; var angelfire_ratings_hash = "1766298961:242539c954522b592c19a5db38de5d98"; var lycos_ad_category = {"dmoz":"arts\/animation","ontarget":"&CAT=family%20and%20lifestyles&L2CAT=hobbies","find_what":"about popup window"}; var lycos_ad_remote_addr = "209.202.244.9"; var lycos_ad_www_server = "www.angelfire.lycos.com"; var edit_site_url = "www.angelfire.lycos.com/landing/landing.tmpl?utm_source=house&utm_medium=landingpage&utm_campaign=toolbarlink"; </script> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type='text/javascript'> var googletag = googletag || {}; googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; (function() { var gads = document.createElement('script'); gads.async = true; gads.type = 'text/javascript'; var useSSL = 'https:' == document.location.protocol; gads.src = (useSSL ? 'https:' : 'http:') + '//www.googletagservices.com/tag/js/gpt.js'; var node = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; node.parentNode.insertBefore(gads, node); })(); </script> <script type='text/javascript'> googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.defineSlot('/95963596/ANG_300x250_dfp', [300, 250], 'div-gpt-ad-1450207484070-0').addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.enableServices(); }); </script> <script type='text/javascript'> googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.defineSlot('/95963596/ANG_above_728x90_dfp', [728, 90], 'div-gpt-ad-1450207484070-1').addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.enableServices(); }); </script> <script type='text/javascript'> googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.defineSlot('/95963596/ANG_below_728X90_dfp', [728, 90], 'div-gpt-ad-1450207484070-2').addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.enableServices(); }); </script> <script type="text/javascript"> (function(isV) { if (!isV) { return; } //this.lycos_search_query = lycos_get_search_referrer(); var adMgr = new AdManager(); var lycos_prod_set = adMgr.chooseProductSet(); var slots = ["leaderboard", "leaderboard2", "toolbar_image", "toolbar_text", "smallbox", "top_promo", "footer2","slider"]; var adCat = this.lycos_ad_category; adMgr.setForcedParam('page', (adCat && adCat.dmoz) ? adCat.dmoz : 'member'); if (this.lycos_search_query) { adMgr.setForcedParam("keyword", this.lycos_search_query); } else if (adCat && adCat.find_what) { adMgr.setForcedParam('keyword', adCat.find_what); } for (var s in slots) { var slot = slots[s]; if (adMgr.isSlotAvailable(slot)) { this.lycos_ad[slot] = adMgr.getSlot(slot); } } adMgr.renderHeader(); adMgr.renderFooter(); }((function() { var w = 0, h = 0, minimumThreshold = 300; if (top == self) { return true; } if (typeof(window.innerWidth) == 'number' ) { w = window.innerWidth; h = window.innerHeight; } else if (document.documentElement && (document.documentElement.clientWidth || document.documentElement.clientHeight)) { w = document.documentElement.clientWidth; h = document.documentElement.clientHeight; } else if (document.body && (document.body.clientWidth || document.body.clientHeight)) { w = document.body.clientWidth; h = document.body.clientHeight; } return ((w > minimumThreshold) && (h > minimumThreshold)); }()))); window.onload = function() { var f = document.getElementById("lycosFooterAd"); var b = document.getElementsByTagName("body")[0]; b.appendChild(f); f.style.display = "block"; document.getElementById('lycosFooterAdiFrame').src = '/adm/ad/footerAd.iframe.html'; // Slider Injection (function() { var e = document.createElement('iframe'); e.style.border = '0'; e.style.margin = 0; e.style.display = 'block'; e.style.cssFloat = 'right'; e.style.height = '254px'; e.style.overflow = 'hidden'; e.style.padding = 0; e.style.width = '300px'; })(); // Bottom Ad Injection ( function() { var b = document.getElementsByTagName("body")[0]; var iif = document.createElement('iframe'); iif.style.border = '0'; iif.style.margin = 0; iif.style.display = 'block'; iif.style.cssFloat = 'right'; iif.style.height = '254px'; iif.style.overflow = 'hidden'; iif.style.padding = 0; iif.style.width = '300px'; iif.src = '/adm/ad/injectAd.iframe.html'; var cdiv = document.createElement('div'); cdiv.style = "width:300px;margin:10px auto;"; cdiv.appendChild( iif ); if( b ) { b.insertBefore(cdiv, b.lastChild); } })(); } </script> <style> #body .adCenterClass { margin:0 auto; display:block !important; overflow:hidden; width:100%; } #body .adCenterClass #ad_container { display:block !important; float:left; width:728px; } @media (min-width: 768px) {  #body .adCenterClass #ad_container { width: calc(100% - 372px); } } @media (min-width: 1110px) {  #body .adCenterClass #ad_container { width: calc(100% - 372px); } } </style> <div style="background:#abe6f6; border-bottom:1px solid #507a87; position:relative; z-index:9999999"> <div class="adCenterClass"> <a href="https://www.angelfire.lycos.com/" title="Angelfire.com: build your free website today!" style="display:block; float:left; width:186px; border:0"> <img src="/adm/ad/angelfire-freeAd.jpg" alt="Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!" style="display:block; border:0" /> </a> <div id="ad_container"> <script type="text/javascript">document.write(lycos_ad['leaderboard']);</script> </div> </div> </div>  <script type="text/javascript">document.write(lycos_ad['slider']);</script> <div id="lycosFooterAd" style="background:#abe6f6; border-top:1px solid #507a87; clear:both; display:none; position:relative; z-index:9999999"> <div class="adCenterClass" style="display:block!important; overflow:hidden; width:936px;"> <div id="aflinksholder" style="float:left; width:186px;"> <a href="https://www.angelfire.lycos.com/" title="Angelfire.com: build your free website today!" style="display:block; border:0"> <img src="/adm/ad/angelfire-freeAd2.jpg" alt="Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!" style="display:block; border:0" /> </a> </div> <iframe id="lycosFooterAdiFrame" style="border:0; display:block; float:left; height:96px; overflow:hidden; padding:0; width:750px"></iframe> </div> </div>  <script data-cfasync="false" language="javascript" async src="//udmserve.net/udm/img.fetch?sid=17754;tid=1;dt=6;"></script>  </xmp>

My friend Josh sent me an email that further proves the stupidity of the human race. Here for you now is a list of aktual labels found on konsumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer: "'Do not use while sleeping."
(Well shit, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: "'You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Shoplifter's special perhaps?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(Really?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "'Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But that's JUST a suggestion...)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "'Do not turn upside down."
(Too late dude...)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "'Product will be hot after heating."
(You have GOT to be kidding me!)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "'Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save more time?)
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We kould drastikally reduce accidents if we kould just keep kids away from kars altogether)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(Well no shit?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "'Not to be used for the other use."
(I'm almost skared to ask...)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "'Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Okay, I don't even think I need to komment on this one)
On a child's Superman costume: "'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(Unless you put it on a bird, but that would be ridikulous)
On a Swedish chain saw: "'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(What, has this happened before!?)
On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "'Do not use on food."
(Seeing as how some people have tried using it for syrup)
On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
(Yeah, kause you know how fukking toxik toothpaste is)
On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "'Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine"'
(Aww, but swimming in the washing machine is fun!)

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