With nothing better to post, I present you with an email my mom forwarded me. And at the bottom, since it kind of fits the mood here... well, more stuff. Go look

NO PUN IN TEN DID

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.  Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

Whoo, on a roll, here are some more!

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before
Practice safe eating - always use condiments
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so I gave it the axe
If electricity comes from electrons...does morality come from morons?
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before
A hangover is the wrath of grapes
Corduroy pillows are making headlines
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play
Banning the bra was a big flop
Sea captains don't like crew cuts
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor
Without geometry, life is pointless
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red
When two egoists meet, it's an I for an I

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