Zak "Vaginal Buffet" Useless

"Zak and I were coming out of our secret hippy commune on Mt. Fuji back in '45 I believe it was, and there seemed to have been all kinds of commotion in the air and in the streets. Lord knows what must have been going on to get that kind of a rise out of the rice farmers and sushi markets. Anyways, Zak and I settled down just on the edge of a bit of a cliff overlooking Hiroshima, and started cooking a can of baked brown beans. The beans cooked pretty well, and just as I was about to grab a spoon and dig in, that hog Zak took the whole damn can right off of the fire and gobbled them right down. We got into a bit of a fistfight and I think I triggered some enzymes in his stomach, and boy did he get gas. He backed off towards the fire, and BWAAANHPATOOT he let one rip. Frickin' thing, you wouldn't believe it. Well, I never saw a flash so bright in my life, and I never would again because it permanently blinded me. I still ran my ass off to get outta there as fast as I could manage. Anyways to make a long story short, we got back to the U.S. only to find out that they thought some plane called the Enola Gay that had been flying above had something to do with it, and we were glad they put the blame on someone else, even thought I have to admit I sure felt a little guilty about it. But damn, don't you ever feed that boy beans. Never." -General MacArthur